The intrigue on reality shows like Bravo’s amusing series never fails to captivate me, especially when the characters struggle to hide their inner turmoil, which erupts unpredictably. On The Valley, the chaos isn’t hidden; it’s out in the open, flowing through every scene just as a gutter might overflow during a storm with mud, debris, and perhaps an old toy like a G.I. Joe. These individuals are a hot mess, unable to suppress their struggles in any way. Needless to say, I am enthralled.
Among them, Jesse stands out as a strong contender for Jax Taylor in terms of narcissistic behavior. The day commences with Jesse attempting to combat his hangover by consuming two large glasses of champagne, and by the time the group boards a Sprinter van en route to a vineyard, Jesse is effectively the life of the party, causing disruption wherever he goes. He’s seen twerking on the bus, trying to use the pole as if it were a stripper pole, laying in various people’s laps, and even placing his face near Zack’s groin area. The behavior becomes overwhelming very quickly.
In the midst of their journey, much like many others involved in this production, even the Sprinter vehicle seems to encounter a malfunction. Now, I’m not saying breakdowns are contagious, but it sure seems like they might be! For instance, let’s imagine Luke, burdened with an Igloo cooler filled with spoiled bait, steps out of his car and swiftly identifies the issue – a fractured coolant tank. With Ubers summoned, everyone eventually arrives at the vineyard where more drinking ensues. Danny, fresh from his voice acting stint, decides to join the crowd a bit later, only to find himself catching up – and then some! In just 20 short minutes, he’s as tipsy as DJ James Kennedy at a SUR Pride Party, telling Katie Maloney Schwartz Maloney that she’s overweight.
The best aspect of our wine-tasting adventure comes when Janet confides in Zack about her response during their argument regarding his genuine hair; she claimed it was a wig. It’s quintessentially Janet, but what delights me is that they’re now joking about it. Speaking of which, I can’t help but think of Lea Michele struggling with literacy and JD Vance’s first intimate encounter with Jennifer Convertible – just as I find it hard to believe, I wish fervently for the truth in Zack’s case of Lego hair. It’s a theory that I don’t entirely trust but long for it to be reality.
At the wine tasting event where everyone seemed to be quite tipsy, or as scientists might say, “intoxicated”, Jesse approached Michelle for a private conversation. It’s puzzling why she would entertain such an interaction given that Jesse was clearly inebriated, struggling with his words, and displaying questionable behavior, including suggesting twerking.
In this conversation, Jesse first asked Michelle if she was content, to which she replied that she was, except for him and his treatment towards her. Jesse then responded by asking, “If you’re happy, why can’t you be happy for me and my relationship?” This statement left many viewers scratching their heads, as Jesse had previously claimed not to be in a relationship with this woman and was ignoring the fact that reports suggested she was involved with another man.
In a heated response, Michelle angrily tells him that he’s causing problems. He responds by saying something offensive, implying she is a woman who provides sexual services for money. The way he pronounces “hooker” is heavily affected by his strong accent and excessive alcohol consumption. It’s unclear what this man’s intentions are, but it appears that he is intentionally being disrespectful to Michelle. It seems as though he enjoys stirring up trouble on television, acting in a way that resembles a crude cartoon character.
Michelle quickly retaliates against him. “You’re a waste of space and you squandered our funds,” she yells, and I admire her for standing up to him. Go off, Michelle! Light up the entire man’s world. He doesn’t deserve someone like you or any other woman. Additionally, Michelle also hits back at his comment about her being a hooker by revealing that they have a friend who is gay, sending him money on special occasions, hinting that perhaps he’s trading favors for cash. In the confessional, Blok-headed Zack echoes my thoughts precisely: “We don’t want him and you shouldn’t even try to give him to us.
As Michelle departs, Luke moves to join Jesse, who remarks, “I believe things are going smoothly.” Luke’s eyes widen in surprise, and he replies, “You think things are
At home, Jesse proposes another discussion with Michelle, who consents once more. However, it’s quite evident that she lacks wisdom in this situation. This time, he begins by asking, “Why aren’t you happy for me?” It’s puzzling as to why he cares about her happiness. Given their history of hatred and torment towards each other, it seems strange that he would care whether or not she is content with his achievements. It’s a vicious cycle, similar to what Brittany finds herself in with Jax, and I have to question my tolerance for so much heterosexual drama in one series. (I couldn’t help but chuckle there, as I can handle far more than this!) Interestingly, Michelle provides the most insightful response, stating that he once called her a prostitute yet still expects her to be joyous about his success. Truly, sir!
In this conversation, the topics and dynamics mirror those from their previous discussion, with Jesse accusing Michelle of infidelity while trying to portray himself as the victim, and Michelle countering by claiming he squandered their money and was cold towards her. However, what makes this interaction unique is that it’s taking place outside, with most of the crew present, eavesdropping on every word exchanged between them. When Jesse confronts Michelle directly with “Did you or did you not cheat?”, it’s at this moment she angrily flings a drink in his direction.
It’s clear that it wasn’t tequila, as Janet had seen Danny drink it all in the pantry while she was preparing Mac ‘N’ Cheese in a cup. By dinner time, Danny was so intoxicated that Nia couldn’t get him to eat. When people kept asking about his whereabouts at the table, Nia would only say he was tired due to overwork, with three children under 3 years old. However, she refused to admit that he was heavily drunk. This reminded Jasmine of Danny’s alter ego, Dark Side Danny, who had behaved inappropriately towards her and her girlfriend Melissa during Halloween festivities when he had been drinking.
When Nia stands up from the table, everyone reacts with alarm, especially Brittany. She’s upset because Nia refuses to discuss Danny’s drunkenness, as their lives are constantly under scrutiny, as one of our contemporary philosophers put it, always on display, day in, day out, day after day. I believe this interpretation may be overly harsh. While Brittany might seem irritated due to the assumption that Nia is hiding something unsavory in their relationship, it doesn’t appear to run as deep as it seems. If someone at the table had joked, “Yeah, I bet he’s just tired of being so drunk!”, Brittany likely would have acknowledged it and everyone would have laughed. In a simpler way: Brittany gets upset when Nia doesn’t discuss Danny’s drinking because their lives are always in the spotlight, but it might not be as big a deal as it seems. If someone had joked about Danny being tired from drinking, she probably wouldn’t have minded and everyone would have laughed.
Instead, Zack chooses to stir things up and confide in Brittany about the rumors circulating among the women. She marches into their room (hidden behind the pantry) to confront them, leading to a major blowup. Nia openly acknowledges Danny’s drunkenness but struggles to see how Brittany’s personal problems necessitate discussing her husband’s drinking. The scene ends with a “To Be Continued,” but I can predict the outcome: it won’t be pretty. Expect loud, heated arguments, accusations flying, Zack slumping unconscious with dip spilled on his torso and forced to sleep on a smelly towel. The story will culminate in chaos, as tension doesn’t just simmer, but overwhelms them all, swallowing them bit by bit during the dead of night, like the ocean encroaching upon the cliffs beyond their home.
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2025-05-14 07:42