Wall Street Just Got Schooled: Coinbase Enters S&P 500, Crypto Bros Rejoice 🍾

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Hold onto your monocles, Wall Street—Coinbase just crashed the S&P 500 party, and yes, they’re wearing hoodies.

Coinbase Does the S&P Cha-Cha (And Kicks Out Discover!)

The S&P 500, known for hosting companies that are only slightly less exclusive than Taylor Swift’s group chats, is now adding Coinbase Global Inc. (Nasdaq: COIN) to the mix, as per S&P Dow Jones Indices’ May 12th announcement. This means Discover Financial Services is about to discover a new career path, since they’re getting benched to make room for their crypto-powered replacement. Don’t worry about Discover; Capital One is adopting them, so they’ll have plenty of company at awkward financial family gatherings.

Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong immediately tweeted (because where else would you brag about this?):

Coinbase just became the first and only crypto company to join the S&P 500. This milestone represents what the true believers, from retail investors to institutional investors to our employees and partners, knew all along. Crypto is here to stay.

The Coinbase X (still sounds like an energy drink) account also did a happy dance: “Thank you to everyone who made it possible for a crypto company to join the S&P 500 for the first time in history.” The crypto world promptly threw more virtual confetti than a Super Bowl win. Michael Saylor, executive chairman of Strategy, added, “Congratulations Brian Armstrong on $COIN being added to the S&P 500 Index. A major milestone for Coinbase and for bitcoin.”—because you know it’s official when Michael Saylor uses the dollar sign.

For crypto die-hards pestering their relatives about ‘blockchain tech’ at Thanksgiving, this is finally concrete proof that digital assets have officially moved from “totally sketchy” to “only slightly sketchy, but now on Wall Street!” The S&P 500 isn’t just any index—it tracks 500 of the U.S.’s biggest public companies, meaning Coinbase is now part of the varsity team. Meanwhile, if you missed it, another Bitcoin-focused company got its own fancy seat at the Nasdaq-100 table back in December, proving that sometimes, dreams come true…even very weird, crypto-related dreams. 🤷‍♀️

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2025-05-13 02:38