This Hedge Fund Manager Made BILLIONS With This New Bitcoin ETF Trick?

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If you thought people only got excited about Bitcoin when their cousin’s Uber driver mentioned it, think again. The world of U.S. spot Bitcoin ETFs is currently hotter than a dragon’s armpit at midsummer, and for three consecutive weeks, the money has flowed in so quickly the ETF managers have been spotted practicing backstrokes across their auditoriums. 🏊‍♂️

SoSoValue, which may or may not be managed by a former Discworld wizard, reports that from May 5-9, 12 Bitcoin ETFs vacuumed up $921 million. That’s $5.8 billion over just three weeks. Yes, billion, with a “B”—the sort of number only used by politicians and hyperactive toddlers counting imaginary friends.

BlackRock’s IBIT, in its effort to become the Discworld Patrician of ETFs, hauled in over $1 billion last week, with a 19-day inflow streak that’s dragging in money like a particularly attractive magnetic dungeon. If ETFs gave out loyalty cards, IBIT’s would now be a platinum credit card with suspicious scorch marks.

Fidelity’s FBTC and ARK 21Shares’ ARKB were also keen not to miss the party. They tossed in $62.4 million and $45.6 million, respectively—so not quite swimming in gold coins, but at least wading comfortably.

Not everyone, of course, can be a winner. Grayscale’s GBTC, Bitwise’s BITB, Franklin Templeton’s EZBC, and VanEck’s HODL thought it might be a great time to test gravity and went the other way, leaking $217.4 million. It’s the investment equivalent of discovering a hole in your wizard hat, right as it rains custard.

After another enthusiastic Friday, the total net inflows into these magical money buckets since creation now stands at $41.16 billion. That’s roughly the GDP of Ankh-Morpork during a particularly lucrative sausage festival. 🎉

Everyone’s pointing fingers at “macro developments,” which is polite economic-speak for “heads of state did things and the markets got jumpy.” Trump announced peace (of sorts) with the U.K., trading cars and soft drinks for less aluminum drama. China and the U.S. are back to talking rather than sternly ignoring each other at summits.

With all this geopolitical breath-holding relaxing a bit, Bitcoin found itself above $100,000 again, at about $104,000. That’s just 4.5% shy of its January high, which means traders are now mostly checking their portfolios instead of their blood pressure.

The Crypto Fear & Greed Index is lounging in “greed” territory at 70, proving that when it comes to crypto, there’s always room for dessert. 🍰 Analysts, meanwhile, are furiously scribbling about how ETF inflows, institutional buy-ins, and the odd government lurking in the background have all contributed to the current stampede.

In the spirit of Discworldian balance, let’s mention that the Ethereum ETFs spent the week doing their best impression of a leaky bucket—three days of outflows, one day of inflow, and a net minus $38.15 million. Apparently, nobody told them this was supposed to be a bull market.

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2025-05-12 10:50