Bitcoin Soars Past $100,000: Why Your Uncle’s Golf Buddy Is Suddenly a Crypto Genius

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Well, dash my wig and call me a hodler! Bitcoin, that capricious young scamp, has bounded back over the $100,000 hurdle with all the grace of a prize-winning show dog after a particularly successful weekend at Crufts. Mere months ago, it was languishing like a damp scone at a summer picnic, but now, ladies and gents, it’s returned to the stage, top hat gleaming, utterly unconcerned with its earlier brush with ignominy. And just like that, the Crypto Fear and Greed Index has swung so far into ‘greed’ territory you can practically hear Gordon Gekko cheering from the cheap seats. 😎

The latest leap for Bitcoin wasn’t content with a simple encore—no, no, it’s brought some serious market dominance to the soirée, swaggering in at over 60%. Not since the days when your Aunt Mabel was the town’s Ping-Pong champion has anyone so thoroughly dominated a field. Talk about putting the ‘King’ in ‘King of Crypto.’ For the first time, Bitcoin is strutting past $100,000 while the altcoins watch longingly from the discount rack, which, I must say, does lend a certain air of “maybe-it’s-not-all-a-bubble-this-time” to proceedings.

Bitcoin’s Return to $100K: Punch, Pie, and Panic Buying All Round 🎉

This sudden display of vim has coaxed the broader crypto crowd out of their doldrums, banishing stagnation like Jeeves with a feather duster. The currency is now clearing resistance zones as if they were speed bumps on the road to the Ritz, though a couple of irksome hurdles stand between it and an all-time high that’ll make January’s numbers look positively bashful.

Conspiracy theorists at the Drones Club may point their breadsticks at Spot Bitcoin ETFs and mutter darkly about their supposed market-moving mystique. Alas, the numbers, prosaic as ever, refuse to play along. Those ETF inflows are trotting in at a stately $129 million per day, a far cry from January’s $700 million stampede. Rather than an ETF-fueled rescue, the current brouhaha seems to be a delightful cocktail of macroeconomic shenanigans and some good old market mischief. 🍸

Speaking of shenanigans, word from the economic grapevine is that the new U.S.-U.K. trade agreement (announced May 8, 2025 for those marking their dance cards) has soothed investor nerves like a cucumber sandwich during a financial storm. Trump and Starmer, that unlikely duo, preserved America’s 10% tariff, while the Brits lowered theirs to a dainty 1.8%, simultaneously inviting U.S. goods with open arms. The markets, previously cowering in the corner like Bertie Wooster before a meeting with Aunt Agatha, have suddenly remembered their taste for risk, sending Bitcoin upward with admirable enthusiasm.

Can Bitcoin Stay Above $100,000, or Is This Another Theatrical Exit?

Let’s not kid ourselves—this isn’t your run-of-the-mill, slapdash surge. The air is positively thick with Bitcoin’s new-found dominance (over 60%, did I mention?). Crypto seer Rekt Capital suggests we might see this dominance balloon to 71%, which at this point feels about as surprising as discovering another crypto podcast hosted by someone named Chad.

The on-chain oracles have been consulted (preferably after a long luncheon), and they say sustainability is looking better than a fresh gin and tonic. Exchange balances are draining away, not unlike the champagne supply at Blandings after a sudden heat wave. Meanwhile, the stablecoin brigade has begun its inevitable march onto exchanges, usually a fair sign the plebs are saving up for a proper Bitcoin shopping spree.

At present, our hero trades at a saucy $102,900, having flirted with $103,890—a mere 5.7% shy of January’s all-time high. Glassnode, peeking behind the velvet curtain, informs us that about 3 million BTC have tumbled back into profit since April’s sad little sojourn at $74,000. Everyone loves a comeback story, and Bitcoin is serving one with extra relish. 🥳

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2025-05-10 04:25