Bitcoin Just Did What?! Surges Past the Boring Fed and Targets the Moon đŸ€‘đŸš€

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If you ever wondered whether major central bankers spend their free time watching cryptocurrency charts, Wednesday’s FOMC meeting provided a decisive answer: not even slightly. Jerome Powell, looking as enthused as someone watching grass grow, announced that interest rates would remain exactly where they are—which, as it happens, is precisely where everyone assumed they’d be anyway. Not one to be rushed, Mr. Powell delivered a classic “wait and see” sermon, which in central banker dialect means “eh, maybe later.”

Jerome Powell Masters the Ancient Art of Not Deciding Anything

Our man at the Fed, Jerome “Let’s Not Do Anything Premature” Powell, surveyed the landscape (which nowadays mostly features tariffs, nervous investors, and enough inflation risk to make your wallet sweat) and chose the most exciting course of action: sitting tight and waiting for the data to, as they say, ‘clarify itself’. His speech managed to be so neutral, it’s believed some attendees briefly forgot which decade we’re in.

He did, however, throw a gentle elbow at President Trump’s idea to cut rates immediately—eliciting actual applause. A rare moment where economic policy briefly turns into competitive theatre. One thing no one clapped for: the fact that the Federal Reserve is a private institution, largely beholden to its biggest fans (the banks), not the average person who can afford just half an avocado toast these days.

Bitcoin Declares Independence, Flies Out of Giant Bull Flag

Meanwhile, Bitcoin, never one for “waiting,” took one look at the Fed’s inaction and bolted out of its six-month bull flag faster than you can say “Fibonacci retracement.” Picture the scene: Thursday morning, bulls charging, bears running for cover, and $BTC shrugging off uncertainty like a child discarding a homework assignment. The price dipped to the golden 0.618 Fibonacci level—helpfully defined by people who own too many calculators—before launching upwards, dazzling both chart nerds and dreamers with visions of that magic $100,000 number.

Of course, no fairy tale is complete without some potential hiccup. Short-term Stochastic RSI (don’t ask, it’s complicated) says we might see a pullback around $100,000, which could have Bitcoin briefly snoozing at $99,000, $98,000, or sending frantic texts to $97,000 “u up?” before resuming the adventure.

Bitcoin Readies Its Helmet for (Maybe) One Last Rocket Ride

Zoom out far enough—monthly chart territory, ideal for people who think in glacial epochs—and it becomes clear: Bitcoin has burst out of its second bull flag like a caffeinated kangaroo, and the only real uncertainty is just how many zeroes will appear in the next price action headline. If Fibonacci levels are to be believed (they have a cult following that rivals boy bands), the next pit stop looks to be $102,000. Pass this, and next stop? Mars—also known as $155,000 or even $208,000, according to those ever-helpful extension levels.

Indicators like the Stochastic RSI and the classic RSI are hinting that an “upward cross” is brewing. Think of it as cosmic chart energy aligning for a grand surge—unless, of course, it doesn’t. Either way, with the famous four-year crypto cycle waving its last flag for a while, this may be Bitcoin’s final shot at glory—at least until everyone forgets what happened and does it all again in 2028. So buckle up: if Bitcoin’s going anywhere, it’s not likely to be boring.

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2025-05-08 13:32