Three weeks ago, crypto looked deader than my acting career after Dracula: Dead and Loving It. Suddenly—like a miracle at Katz’s Deli—the money comes pouring back in! We’re talking $5.5 billion in just three weeks. Before this? Nine weeks of outflows so bad, even my accountant was nervous. Oy vey!
The Big Shpiel
Bitcoin (BTC) is like the Barbra Streisand of crypto: still the star of the show, whether you like it or not! With $1.84 billion inflowing this week, portfolios everywhere look like they’ve just been to a gold rush—without the panning, and (unfortunately) with more volatility. Bitcoin’s push toward $100,000 is giving everyone hives—and dreams of early retirement, or at least an extra pastrami sandwich.
Ethereum (ETH) is the little sibling desperate for attention. $149.2 million in inflows last week—very nice!—and $336 million over two weeks. Everyone’s talking ETH 2.0 and maybe, just maybe, there’ll be a shiny new ETF to hang on the mantel. Mazel tov!
Altcoins: You Get an Inflow! And You Get an Inflow!
Meanwhile, in the land of altcoins, XRP picked up a modest $10.5 million—like finding a fiver in your winter coat. Solana (SOL) got $6 million. Tezos (XTZ)? $8.2 million. Cardano (ADA) at $1.2 million, which would buy, what, half an avocado toast in Brooklyn? Still, it’s a start. Are investors actually diversifying or just rolling dice and yelling, “YOLO”? Debatable.
USA! USA!
The United States brings the party—contributing $1.92 billion in new money. Apparently, it helps if your regulators occasionally decide to play nice. With those spot Bitcoin ETFs, U.S. investors dove in like it was Black Friday at Best Buy. Everyone else just tried to keep up (spoiler: they didn’t).
Now we’re all waiting for the big Federal Reserve reveal. Will rates go up? Will rates go down? Will anyone be able to explain monetary policy to their parents at dinner? A dovish Fed could send crypto to the moon. A hawkish Fed? Well…hold onto your tuchuses.
$5.5 billion flowing in three weeks? It’s more bullish than a matador convention. Dust off your laser eyes—crypto’s feeling spicy again! 🚀💰😎
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2025-05-06 02:09