Michael Saylor’s Bitcoin Obsession Just Hit $84 Billion—Wait ‘Til You See What Happens Next 🤯

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In the glazed corridors of financial ambition, where drifts of numbers swirl like Moscow snow, Michael Saylor, that tireless traveler toward the horizon, stands again among the ledgers—eyes glinting with coin and fate. Strategy, the firm forged in the white heat of crypto dreams (some call it MicroStrategy, others whisper just “madness”), is amassing Bitcoin in numbers that Tolstoy would call immoderate and God would call a typo.

Half a million bitcoins, if you must count, though their value morphs each sunrise—more mercurial than the moods of Zhivago. That’s enough to make even BlackRock cough into its handkerchief. Not satisfied, Saylor now envisions an $84 billion pile, as unsteady and immense as a palace of snow on the steppes. Will it stand come spring? Recent filings read like fevered poetry, brimming with promises and decimal points.

The 42/42 Plan: Destiny or DC’s Latest Plot Twist?

At their most recent earnings call—a Chekhov play in three acts—Strategy unveiled a 42/42 Plan: $84 billion to be conjured over two years, funded half by equity and half by fixed-income voodoo. All for more Bitcoin. It’s a stacking-matryoshka of risk, inside another, inside another. The market holds its breath, wallets clutched nervously, as if waiting for Napoleon’s return or at least Saylor’s next tweet.

Fresh from a $21 billion equity offering—because apparently baking bread is too simple—Strategy scooped 301,000 BTC, and promptly watched its own share price leap like a Siberian hare from a wolf. By April 2025: 553,555 BTC on the books, stitched together for $37.9 billion, an average of $68,459 per coin. (Let us not count the weary auditors; who can blame them if they now speak only in hexadecimal?) Of these, 107,155 BTC joined the epic in just four months of 2025—Saylor apparently finding bitcoin easier to collect than Russian novels.

On April 28, adding a poetic footnote, they snapped up 15,355 BTC at $92,737 a piece. Strategy now sits as the world’s second-most obsessive institutional Bitcoin collector, just shy of BlackRock—who, rumor has it, check Strategy’s wallet before checking their own.

But the saga grows thicker than borscht: despite notching its fifth straight net loss, and racking up an unrealized $5.9 billion ice-cold loss in Q1 of 2025 (don’t worry, it’s only “unrealized,” like my dreams of being cosmonaut), investors hum along merrily. The stock? Up 32% this year, while the Nasdaq does its best impression of “Anna Karenina meets the train.”

Strategy’s Bitcoin Epiphany (Hold My Vodka…)

These are wild days: Strategy’s worth is chained to Bitcoin’s mood like a poet to vodka, and in 2025 the coin-gathering has delivered a 13.7% return—a paper gain of $5.8 billion before lunch. What’s next? A yield target now lifted from 15% to 25%, and a $15 billion profit goal by year’s end. Such confidence! Russian winter couldn’t dampen it.

Even now, as I write, Strategy’s bet looks golden: its stock up 3.35% in 24 hours (nearly matching my blood pressure) and perched at $394.37. Bitcoin itself paces just under $97,000, eyeing the frontier. One can’t help but wonder: is this the dawn, or are we merely admiring the glare before the snowstorm hits? Either way, Saylor’s sled races on, and everyone’s got popcorn.

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2025-05-04 10:27