So, Ian Balina—the crypto guy who convinced all your cousins to throw money at tokens back in ’17—is off the SEC’s hook. 🪝 Yep, the Token Metrics CEO got his “unregistered securities” party shut down… and now, the SEC is just, you know, undoing all that. Like nothing happened! “No costs, no fees, let’s just call the whole thing off.” It’s the legal version of breaking up over text.
Apparently, the SEC filed in Texas (where else?) saying, “Yeah, we’re done here.” No money traded hands, not even for a coffee. Classic government efficiency! I mean, it wasn’t enough drama already, so now they want to wrap it with a group hug and say “We’re not mad, we just… don’t feel like dealing with this anymore.”
Balina himself, clearly not short on confidence, was already breaking the news on X back in March (of course he was). He tells everyone, “It’s official.” Like an Oscar speech! “This was never just about me,” he says. Sure, and your mother’s brisket is all about world peace, too.
Meanwhile, Token Metrics jumps in to echo the “big win” vibes—as if the SEC’s sudden retreat means all of crypto’s issues are solved. “Enforcement is changing!” Next up: pigs flying, government tax forms in plain English.
Look, the SEC didn’t explain why they dropped this one. Maybe they ran out of printer ink? All they wrote was, “This doesn’t mean anything about other cases.” Legally binding “no take backsies,” just in case someone gets excited.
Flashback to 2022: SEC comes after Balina for promoting and reselling these SPRK tokens (that’s Sparkster for folks keeping track), apparently without bothering to register or mention he was paid for his glowing reviews. The American Dream!
The whole mess started because of a Telegram chat—a modern Roman Senate—where Balina and about 68 “colleagues” pooled $5 million for tokens, snagged at a sweet 30% discount for being such great evangelists. (Try getting a 30% bonus on cable. Good luck.)
SEC claimed these tokens were unregistered securities, and Balina, shockingly, didn’t fill out all his paperwork. Heavens! Paperwork! Who does that, right?
By May 2024, the court agreed with the SEC, labeling these tokens as securities (thanks to the legendary Howey Test—something nobody has actually read). Balina? “Underwriter.” Like the guy in your fantasy football league who makes up new rules halfway through the season.
He tried to get the case laughed out of court—judge said, “Nice try, kid,” and let the SEC’s complaint about undisclosed promos stick around.
Oh, and let’s not forget Sparkster and its CEO—already paid the kids back $35 million in 2022. Probably threw in a coupon for 10% off your next “registered security.”
But lately, it’s open season for beating the SEC. They’ve dropped cases everywhere—Binance, Coinbase, Kraken, Robinhood… It’s like someone told the SEC “Less is more,” and they really leaned in. So now, all the big crypto names are getting their charges dropped. Might as well install a revolving door at the courthouse.
Even Hex founder Richard Heart got the “you’re free to go” card last month. Maybe next, they’ll throw away the Howey Test entirely. Or maybe they’ll just outsource enforcement to a coin flip. Who knows? That’s crypto, baby! 🧑⚖️🪙
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2025-05-02 09:40