You Won’t Believe How Many Crypto Tokens Perished After Trump’s Inauguration 😱

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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single crypto token in possession of a launch date, must be in want of survival—though, between ourselves, the odds are not in its favour. Pray, consider: CoinGecko, that indefatigable chronicler of digital fortunes and follies, relates that nearly one-fourth of every hopeful token launched after 2021 met a swift and unceremonious demise in this year’s first quarter. The ease of creating these financial baubles is now so profound that one suspects even Mrs. Bennet might try her hand—if only in hopes of improving Mr. Collins’s portfolio.

From the year 2021 onwards, the intrepid observers at CoinGecko’s esteemed token salon, GeckoTerminal, have listed almost seven million crypto tokens of various pedigrees. Of these, however, more than half—an astonishing 3.7 million—have quietly slipped into irrelevance, ceasing all trade. “Alas!” exclaimed analyst Mr. Shaun Paul Lee (whose sensibilities, one supposes, are now irreparably shocked), “the first quarter of 2025 alone witnessed the collapse of 1.8 million tokens!” One must admire the industry’s consistency in producing not success, but spectacle. Emoji-worthy, indeed: 💀💸

For the purposes of this harrowing account, only those tokens with the good manners to be traded at least once before expiring were included. In addition, CoinGecko considered only Pump.fun tokens that had completed the mysterious rigmarole known as the bonding curve. One can only imagine the scandal should Lady Catherine de Bourgh hear of such a thing!

As for the reasons behind this crypto carnage, Mr. Lee points to “broader market turbulence” after Mr. Donald Trump’s second inauguration, an event whose dramatic flair rivaled even the most spirited assembly at Netherfield. Not to be outdone, Bitcoin, that dashing rogue of the digital world, hit a grand peak only to swoon shortly after—presumably after catching sight of the latest Dogecoin meme. 

Of Surviving Tokens and Heroic Failures

Poor 2024! While last year enjoyed a mere 1.3 million tokens going the way of Lydia’s virtue, it stands in stark contrast to the lower attrition (how genteel!) of the previous three years. Mr. Lee ascribes 2025’s positively feverish failure rate to the arrival of Pump.fun—a token-creation tool so effortless, it leaves one longing for the days when gentlemen and tokens alike had to prove themselves worthy. Memecoins and “low-effort projects” (a generous turn of phrase!) now inundate society.

Pump.fun made its debut in January 2024; henceforth, “project failure” became the season’s most fashionable accessory. To wit: more than three million new tokens appeared last year, compared to the dowdier 835,000 of 2023. Before Pump.fun’s arrival, failures were but a modest six-figure sum—mere pocket change for a gentleman of means.

Of all the tokens anointed by Pump.fun, a dizzying 98% return home in disgrace, having never “graduated”—proof, if any were needed, that accomplishment is harder to find than a sensible husband at a country ball. The platform’s “best-performing” week—November 2024—saw a paltry 1.67% of memecoins venturing to the open market, arms linked, no doubt, with hope and far too much confidence. 🎩🎲

By March, CoinGecko’s own Mr. Bobby Ong observed that the feverish interest in memecoins had, much like last season’s bonnet, distinctly cooled after a string of unfortunate launches—not least, the infamous and faintly embarrassing debut of Libra. Trump’s memecoin sparked a brief frenzy, but soon enough the unstoppable forces of “market volatility” (a phrase which in society one employs to mean “complete madness”) swept the ballroom. Woe betide the unprepared, for in crypto as in love, a poor match can lead to ruin.

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2025-05-01 05:42