When Memecoins Plummet but the Promoter Laughs to the Bank! 💾😂

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Ah, Mesdames et Messieurs, behold Monsieur Dave Portnoy, maestro of memecoins, who doth profess collecting them as mere pastime—yet hath he raked in a princely sum of $70,000! đŸ€‘ Quelle ironie!

Alas! The very coins he doth laud have, like Icarus, soared only to plunge over 97% into the abyss. Once a humble chronicler of sports and the sacred art of pizza, our hero turned trader amidst the sportsless plague, to keep spirits high and wallets trembling.

Lo and behold, from the ashes of boredom rose a crypto bard, peddling tokens whose value vanish as swiftly as a soufflĂ© in a starving man’s hands.

Protos, that sage observer, recounts tales of such tokens: MONTOYA, the fabled Stool Prisondente (or JAILSTOOL as the jesters call it), GREED, GREED2, and the infamous KOLHAT. MONTOYA’s glory peaked as a $2.75 million marvel, then skyrocketed to $9.95 million in but two minutes—only to crash like a drunk at dawn, now limping under $25,000. Quel dĂ©sastre!

JAILSTOOL, named from a blundered grandeur of his own X-handle, once basked in $217 million splendor, now reduced to a pauper’s $7 million—down 97%! An ode to mocking the SEC, whose watchful eyes blinked in disbelief.

Still, undeterred, Portnoy’s chorus sings on—GREED has tumbled 99.9%, GREED2 hath fallen 99.5%, and KOLHAT joins the tragic fray with 99.8% loss. Such melodramas are but typical acts in his memecoin theatre.

His cunning plan? Buy early, trumpet loud, watch the value ascend to dizzy heights, then laugh as the curtain falls and chaos ensues. Profit? Oui! Even amid ruin.

Ah, and fret not the $5 million lost to a LIBRA token trickery, tied to the Argentinian noble Javier Milei—the troupe reimbursed our befuddled hero. Bravo!

Critics shriek of folly and deception, accusing him of leading his loyal subjects astray. Yet he, unshaken, drums onward with mirth and meme. Tokens may crash, fortunes may sway, but Portnoy’s grin remains unbroken. 🎭💰

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2025-04-28 22:45