Trump’s Bitcoin Bonanza: Infinite Crypto or Infinite Chaos?

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In a recent tête-à-tête, Hines, a man whose name sounds suspiciously like a brand of cheap trousers, disclosed that President Trump is hell-bent on transforming the United States into the world’s “crypto capital.” Yes, you read that correctly. The land of the free and the home of the brave is now eyeing BTC as if it were the last slice of pizza at a frat party. And the best part? No additional taxes for Americans. 🎉

“We’re looking at many creative ways—whether it be from tariffs… Everything is on the table. We want as much [Bitcoin] as we can get,” Hines said, presumably while stroking a white cat and cackling maniacally.

Among the ideas floated are:

  • Redirecting tariff revenues (because why not?)
  • Revaluing gold certificates (because gold is so 19th century)
  • Deploying strategic reserves for crypto accumulation (because nothing says “strategic” like digital Monopoly money)

Hines: “You Want Infinite Bitcoin”

Bo Hines, a man who clearly has a flair for the dramatic, pontificated that assets with intrinsic store-of-value properties—like gold and Bitcoin—should be hoarded by governments with the same fervor as a squirrel preparing for winter. 🐿️

“Anything else with an intrinsic store of value—you want as much as you can possibly accumulate. It’s no different with Bitcoin,” he declared, presumably while standing on a soapbox in the middle of Wall Street.

He added, with a straight face, that the administration isn’t capping its BTC targets, implying that “infinite accumulation” is the ultimate goal. Because, of course, infinity is just a number, right? 🤷‍♂️



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2025-04-15 20:40