Shocking: The Deeper Ether Falls, The Richer They Get! 🤯

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My dear reader, it appears that wagering against Ether has become the most — shall we say — exquisitely profitable pastime in the ETF realm for the year 2025, or so whispers the ever-fashionable analyst Eric Balchunas from Bloomberg Intelligence. One cannot help but marvel at the audacity of betting on Ether’s misfortunes. But truly, what more delightful irony could there be than profiting from another’s tumble? 😂

Behold two giddy contraptions of financial wizardry, the so-called two-times leveraged short Ether undertakings. These ETFs, with all the pomp and circumstance of a society début, prance in at first and second place in a Bloomberg Intelligence ranking, much to the chagrin of every optimistic soul. And they do so by a margin that would make even the boldest speculator blush!

ProShares UltraShort Ether ETF (ETHD) and T Rex 2X Inverse Ether Daily Target ETF (ETQ) are enchanting the markets with approximately 247% and 219% returns, respectively. Ether’s own poor toes, however, have been thoroughly stomped upon, dangling at a scandalous 54% downturn this year, if CryptoMoon’s well-coiffed market data may be believed. Brutal indeed, but perhaps a tad poetic, no?

Naturally, these dainty leveraged ETFs employ all manner of cunning contraptions to inversely track Ether’s performance with a double dose of drama. Yet, as all sophisticated connoisseurs know, tracking assets perfectly is much like wooing a prima donna: rarely achieved without a stormy night or two. ⛈️

Weak revenue performance

Ether’s empire, though still reigning supreme with a princely $46 billion locked away, took a rather graceless stumble during that pesky Dencun upgrade of March 2024. One might describe the 95% revenue reduction as a most unkind outcome. Alas, a network truly cannot thrive when its fee-collecting powers are withered, no matter how sensational its grandeur. 🤏

The dear chain, it seems, is now haunted by the burden of monetizing its layered domains. And oh, how these L2 dominions have grown, teeming with transactions that once graced the main stage. “Ethereum’s destiny rests on its prowess to serve as a veritable fountain of data availability for the L2s,” quipped arndxt, penman of the Threading on the Edge newsletter. One wonders if our gallant Ether shall heed the call or remain fashionably late to its own success.

During the final days of March, Ethereum secured a paltry 3.18 ETH from its L2 commercial ventures, according to Etherscan. To recapture the lost splendor of yesteryear, those L2s would require an explosion of transactions so vast it would make polite society faint on the spot. Michael Nadeau kindly reminds us that the volume must rise by over 22,000-fold. Goodness gracious, that’s enough to make any ledger quiver!

Meanwhile, even the more illustrious blockchains like Ethereum and Solana have found themselves scorned by the masses, as usage flagged in the first quarter of 2025, or so the ever-dignified VanEck has observed. Market sentiment has become as chilly as a rude hostess, leaving our dear blockchains to endure these trade-war tremors under the sweeping tariffs of President Trump. The nerves, the drama, the unstoppable advance of speculation! 🕺

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2025-04-11 22:53