ETH’s Mega Meltdown—You Won’t Believe This 🚀 Downfall!

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Okay, Ethereum (ETH) fans, grab your tissues and your favorite snack because this whole thing is one epic sob-fest. Our beloved leading altcoin by market cap keeps plummeting against Bitcoin (BTC) faster than I can find a matching pair of socks in the morning. 🙄

This Tuesday, the ETH/BTC pair decided to take a nosedive straight down to a multi-year low of 0.01896 BTC. Just imagine five consecutive months of being grounded with no dessert—yep, it’s that grim. 🍦

Apparently, ETH is down more than 50% in 2025. If it keeps plunging like this, we might as well start a reality show called “Altcoins: The Sinking Ship Edition,” complete with dramatic soundtrack. 🎶

Earlier today, Ether slipped to $1,411, basically making our wallets weep. It’s on the brink of falling under $1,400 for the first time since March 2023—a date so long ago, I think I still used a flip phone. 🤷‍♀️

CoinGecko claims Ethereum has underperformed Dogecoin (DOGE) and Cardano (ADA). Yes, you read that right. It’s losing to a dog meme coin and a token whose name sounds like an avant-garde fashion label. Meanwhile, the mighty Bitcoin is cruising along with that smug 60%+ dominance. 🏆

The ongoing stock market crash

But wait, there’s more doom and gloom. The whole market tanked this Tuesday (because apparently it’s “Tank Everything Day”). The US tariff rate on imports from China might rocket to 104%, which is almost as high as a toddler’s fever after too many candy bars. 🍭

Apple (APPL) shares dipped by 5%. Good news though—Microsoft (MSTF) hopped right back onto the throne of “Most Valuable Company in the Universe.” Bill Gates is probably celebrating with a Windows 95-themed party. 🎉

And because this wouldn’t be a real meltdown saga without an ominous prediction, bearish investor Mark Spitznagel has come roaring out of the wilderness to declare that the stock market could tumble by 80%. Wouldn’t that be a delightful footnote to add to our already sunny day? 😬

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2025-04-09 00:13