Dying for Sex

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SPOILER ALERT: This interview contains spoilers for “Dying for Sex,” now streaming on Hulu.

The television series ‘Dying for Sex’ draws inspiration from the genuine friendship between Molly Kochan, portrayed by Michelle Williams as a terminally ill cancer patient, and Nikki Boyer, played by Jenny Slate as Molly’s friend-turned-caregiver. However, another duo plays an equally significant role in shaping the series’ authentic, humorously funny, yet heartbreaking character.

In their twenties, Elizabeth Meriwether and Kim Rosenstock crossed paths prior to collaborating on Meriwether’s hit Fox sitcom “New Girl,” where Rosenstock served as writer and producer up until its conclusion in 2017. By 2022, Meriwether had significantly shifted her focus from sitcoms, crafting the critically acclaimed yet starkly contrasting series “The Dropout” for Hulu – a limited series exploring the story of Elizabeth Holmes, a founder of Theranos who was eventually exposed as fraudulent. However, while working on this project, she received an email about a podcast that reignited her passion for writing stories centered around female friendships.

Meriwether states that he listened to ‘Dying for Sex’ in its entirety. This six-episode podcast was produced by Kochan and Boyer prior to Kochan’s passing in 2019. Meriwether arranged a meeting with Nikki, which took place in March of 2020, making it the last encounter before the COVID outbreak. The conversation was deeply moving as we reminisced about Molly, and I found the mix of emotions quite endearing.

As Kochan became aware of her approaching death, she chose to part ways with her husband (portrayed by Jay Duplass in the FX series) and placed her care in the hands of Boyer. In her remaining time, she embarked on a quest to understand her sexuality, which provided intriguing, amusing, and at times unsettling material for the podcast. This included delving into various aspects of kink and BDSM, as well as confronting the child molestation she had endured in her past.

She tackled the most significant themes that any narrative could, yet with an abundance of love, humor, and joy. So, I approached her, asking, ‘Would you assist me?’ To which she hesitantly replied, ‘Am I truly willing to…?'” (Addressing Rosenstock now)

Rosenstock laughs as she responds to her friend’s query about subscribing to a show on Stage 4 breast cancer. “Yeah, no,” she says. The conversation then veered into an unexpected direction when Liz mentioned, “Oh, and did I mention she has a lot of sex?” Rosenstock was immediately intrigued and responded with excitement, “Absolutely! Show me the way to the podcast.

Rosenstock was present, as was Boyer who later took up the role of executive producer for the project. This initially raised a slight concern because it had been barely a year since Kochan’s passing when discussions about adapting “Dying for Sex” started. Meriwether fretted that the subject matter might still be too raw for Boyer. “I recall thinking, ‘Oh dear God, how will this be for her?'” she recalls. “I knew the process would be lengthy and emotional, and I wondered about her feelings as her life was portrayed on camera.” Additionally, there were concerns regarding the alterations that would need to be made in Boyer and Kochan’s lives to fit the characters Meriwether and Rosenstock were developing.

However, Boyer proved more than capable for the assignment. As Meriwether expressed, “What truly astounded me was that she, too, is a creative individual who produces work, hence she knew precisely when to intervene and when to allow us room to explore independently.” Essentially, Boyer was always available when needed, yet also gave us space to solve problems on our own.

In contrast to the TV series, the podcast delayed revealing that Kochan was abused by her mother’s partner as a child until later. However, Meriwether and Rosenstock found this narrative structure to be beneficial in showcasing the roots of Kochan’s sexual inclinations. Instead, they were more invested in depicting “the choice to heal or find meaning through it, and what that process truly entails,” as Rosenstock explains.

In reimagining Kochan’s narrative, creators had to deviate from Boyer’s initial concept. Eliminating the major plot twist left them with the challenge of providing closure for Molly in a different manner. To achieve this effectively, they sought Boyer’s guidance. As Meriwether explains, “We felt that if she appreciated the story, we were on the right track, that we were staying true to what Molly was striving for.

Character Introduction: The neighbor, portrayed by Rob Delaney’s character, whom Molly meets upon moving into her new apartment following her divorce. Their initial interactions in the hallway are filled with friction, but this eventually escalates into an unexpected sexual connection and, subsequently, a surprising blossom of romance. Molly strives to maintain a distinction between her intimate life and her health issues, but this proves challenging when a playful, consensual kick she gives him results in an accidental hospitalization for herself rather than him. The cancer’s spread to her bones is revealed during this hospital stay. For months, Molly avoids him, but once he learns about her illness unintentionally, their bond deepens and they fall in love. She permits him a single visit to the hospital where he helps her achieve something she had long desired – experiencing an orgasm with a partner. In line with their desire for a joyful conclusion to their story, Molly and the neighbor bid each other farewell shortly before Molly begins hospice care.

In the captivating world of “Dying for Sex,” I find Neighbor Guy to be one of the most significant character amalgamations. As Meriwether so eloquently puts it, he’s a blend of some of Molly’s real-life companions. The poignant scene between them in Episode 7 serves as an extension of Molly’s narrative from the podcast, a journey that was tragically cut short. That memorable night in the hospital encapsulates the intimacy and connection that Molly, later in her life, yearned for but unfortunately didn’t get to experience before her untimely demise.

Nikki strongly supported that idea, as it deeply resonated with her that we provided her character with an ending similar to what her friend desired in reality,” Rosenstock notes. Furthermore, when it came to the final scene – Molly’s death in Episode 8 – Boyer’s contribution was particularly crucial.

to be given medication to remain unconscious until her passing. The portable pool was not mentioned in the podcast, but Boyer’s retelling of the story convinced Meriwether and Rosenstock to include it in their production.

Rosenstock remarks about Boyer, “She’s got such a knack for humor.” During our filming of the bath scene, Nikki was sitting beside me, crying yet munching on a slice of pizza. I asked, ‘Isn’t this a bit strange?’ To which she replied, ‘Yes!’ I believe that moment was significant for her. It held a strong emotional release. And she knew Molly would be delighted that her story was being portrayed in such a manner.

Similar to Neighbor Man, Sonya was another character created to meet the real-life demands of Kochan. As Rosenstock explains, “Palliative care is often associated with end-of-life care and hospice, but it’s primarily about enhancing quality of life regardless of one’s location.” To put it simply, palliative care involves addressing symptoms like pain rather than attempting to eradicate the disease causing these symptoms. So while an oncologist works to prolong a cancer patient’s lifespan, a palliative care specialist focuses on ensuring that this extended life is worth living.

Rosenstock explains that when conversing with individuals who have cancer, it’s not always explicitly stated as an available option. Instead, one must actively inquire about it. People may be unaware that they qualify for this treatment or that it could benefit them. The show emphasizes finding ways to feel the best possible and what brings joy. Therefore, incorporating a palliative care specialist into the narrative seemed crucial because their primary role is to alleviate pain and improve quality of life.

In the series, Sonya guides Molly into experiencing an unconventional side of sexuality as a method for coping with her circumstances and finding pleasure during treatment. Unlike typical television portrayals, Molly’s encounters are unique, characterized by keeping her undergarments on, minimizing penetration, and instead focusing on the use of diverse props and toys. Her interactions with partners frequently involve issuing commands from a notable distance.

Neither Meriwether nor Rosenstock were particularly skilled at crafting intimate scenes, yet a Valentine’s Day workshop conducted by the Writers Guild of America via Zoom proved instrumental in guiding them on how to handle such situations with assurance. As Rosenstock puts it, “It was incredibly beneficial. It was essentially: ‘Be specific. Consider the actors who will portray this scene. Don’t just write about them jumping into bed, ellipses included. Instead, write what you envision.’

Emily Nagoski, the author of “Come As You Are”, served as a sex consultant on the production of “Dying for Sex”. Her role was instrumental in helping the team accurately portray various masturbation techniques. Rosenstock recalls, “She appreciated your exploration of diverse methods of self-pleasure.” Nagoski would also guide them, stating, “These are the types of vibrators she prefers. Be sure to include that detail.” They paid close attention to every aspect, even considering that Nagoski wouldn’t use a dildo due to her preference against penetration.

Meriwether notes they drew inspiration from the Hulu series “Normal People” for ensuring that “the narrative doesn’t pause during the intimate scenes. The narrative unfolds,” she explains. “When including an intimate scene, there should be a setup, development, and resolution, just like any other scene. By the end of the scene, we should learn something new about the character, as we would with any other scene.

The unusual portrayal of intimate scenes in the story proved to be a powerful element, as it offered insights into new dimensions of sexuality. As Meriwether explains, “The show taught me so much about what sex can symbolize beyond physical contact. It’s about the subtle gestures, the unsaid words, and the boundaries that are pushed or respected. That’s where the passion lies.

Additionally, not featuring nudity with Molly’s character provided them with more opportunities to film Williams from various perspectives and think outside the box when shooting male characters. During a discussion with a dominant character, they inquired about what was lacking in typical portrayals of submissive men. The response was a desire for a depiction that wasn’t a joke but instead portrayed them as attractive. Inspired by this, there’s a scene in the hotel room where the camera captures a unique angle of the man being laid down on the bed, rather than the traditional view of the woman in this position. Although it may be brief for some viewers, that shot contributes significantly to the scene and generated some pushback, prompting them to firmly defend their creative choice. They were adamant about wanting to present this less common yet impactful scene, as they felt it hadn’t been done before.

Amidst their sexual explorations, the real focus of “Dying for Sex” lies in the shared moments between Molly and Nikki: times of laughter, tears, occasional disagreements, and ultimately, their mutual choice to stand by each other. After parting ways with her husband, Molly expresses her feelings to Nikki, saying, “I don’t want to die with him. I want to die with you.

Initially, we pondered whether every episode had to revolve around conflict between Molly and Nikki as they are the principal characters. However, we discovered that their relationship already contained enough tension without them needing to be adversaries. According to the creator, her personal bond with Rosenstock and their mutual background in portraying female friendships on “New Girl” made it effortless to write their dialogue. One aspect of the show that Rosenstock particularly cherishes is the fact that Molly and Nikki only argue once in “Dying for Sex.” She expresses pride in this, stating, “Yes, they briefly separated, but it’s not as if they no longer interact. They resolve their differences together. They remain supportive of each other throughout. It’s quite inspiring, and that’s how true friendship functions as well.

At the conclusion of the podcast, Rosenstock expressed, ‘Gosh, that’s the final time I’ll listen to their conversation,’ which is how it should seem. It leaves you wanting more, as if you wished you could continue observing this friendship indefinitely.

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2025-04-06 21:18