Trump’s WILD Crypto Move! 🤯

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Right, so here’s a bit of a scrumdiddlyumptious story for you. President Donald Trump, that rascal, has reportedly gone and pardoned those three blokes who ran the crypto exchange BiTMEX. Yes, you heard right! Apparently, Arthur Hayes – a big cheese in the crypto world – and his chums are off the hook. What a WHOPPER! 😲

According to a report by those jabbering know-it-alls at CNBC, Trump, in his infinite (and slightly bonkers) wisdom, gave Hayes, Benjamin Delo, and Samuel Reed a get-out-of-jail-free card. This was on Thursday, mind you, nearly three years after they admitted to a bit of naughtiness involving the Bank Secrecy Act. Seems they weren’t too keen on all those anti-money laundering whatsits. Silly sausages! 🙄

The prosecutors, those grumpy-guts, accused the trio of turning BitMEX into a “money laundering platform.” Can you believe the cheek? Instead of doing all that tedious Know Your Customer (KYC) stuff – you know, checking who’s who to stop the baddies – they were a bit lax. A tad… too relaxed, perhaps? 🤔

“From approximately 2014 through 2020, BitMEX allowed customers to waltz right in and trade derivatives without so much as a proper how-do-you-do – just an email address, if you please! No verifying identities, no sir!”

Hayes, Delo, and Reed got a slap on the wrist in the form of probation and had to cough up millions in fines. Ouch! That’s gotta sting more than a gobstopper stuck to your shoe! 😖

Last July, BitMEX itself – which had been around for about a decade – also confessed to messing with the Bank Secrecy Act. U.S. Attorney Damien Williams, a right proper busybody, declared that the crypto exchange’s shenanigans were a danger to the US financial system. What a load of poppycock! 🤪

Said Williams,

“BitMEX opened itself up as a getaway car 🚓 for large-scale money laundering and sanctions evasion capers, posing a serious threat to the integrity of the financial system. [This] guilty plea shows once again that cryptocurrency companies MUST comply with US law if they want a piece of the American pie.”

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2025-03-29 23:02