Minority Mindset

On the delightful day of January 20, 2026, Chainalysis fluttered its fancy wings and announced the debut of their bewitching Workflows for Data Solutions. This glittery, no-code interface lets you perform all sorts of fancy tricks with blockchain analyses – like pinpointing the timing and amounts, expanding those pesky threat actor networks, and conducting targeted wallet searches. And all this magic without the usual Python sorcery or SQL spells. But fear not, dear coder, the full arcane incantations remain accessible for the technically gifted!

The firm filed a Form S-1 registration statement with the US Securities and Exchange Commission on January 20, marking a move to expand its crypto ETF product lineup. Because nothing says “innovation” like turning a $900,000 trust into a publicly traded fund.

Grayscale Investments, a crypto titan with the grace of a drunk elephant, has submitted a Form S-1 (a bureaucratic relic older than blockchain itself) to the SEC, petulantly demanding to convert its NEAR Trust into a spot ETF. One can only wonder if this is the pinnacle of capitalism or a tragicomedy of errors.

While gold basks in the adoration of panic-stricken investors, Bitcoin skulks in the shadows, failing to inspire even the faintest flutter of safe-haven enthusiasm. “It is being sold,” Novogratz lamented, as if describing a poorly reviewed West End play.

Dogecoin’s descent began when it closed below $0.1320, a level that once gleamed like gold. Now, it’s a relic. The coin tumbled past $0.1280 and $0.1220, then staggered below $0.1180, hitting a low near $0.1155. A recovery above $0.120? A fleeting mirage, like a free pizza offer from a sketchy meme.

At the hour of reckoning, the total crypto market value had shrunk by 3.4%, landing at a mere $3.1 trillion. Bitcoin, once the darling of the digital age, traded at $89,384, a 3.2% decline in just 24 hours. The altcoins fared worse, their losses as deep as the pockets of the bourgeoisie. Binance Coin dropped 5.2% to $879, Monero plummeted 19% to $491, and Pump.fun-oh, the irony!-deflated by 5.9% to a laughable $0.002436.