Summer House Recap: Textual Awakening

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As a movie enthusiast, let me set the scene: The episode commences with an extraordinary moment that left me bewildered on reality TV. West and Jesse Solomon (you’ve got to love those two names together!) share a room, and one day, West taps on the partially open bathroom door. Jesse playfully calls out, “I’m… well, you get it!” West then decides to venture further into the bathroom and engages Jesse in conversation about his chat with Ciara from the previous episode.

Now, there’s a chance that Jesse wasn’t actually doing his business at that moment, and West was aware of this. But if he truly was, well, let’s just say being dunked in day-old hot dog water wouldn’t be enough for such an act. If Jesse was indeed taking care of business with the door open in a shared room, he deserves a punishment far more severe than that.

However, if Jesse really was doing his business with the door open, one has to wonder why West would want to witness more of it or engage him in conversation. Perhaps Jesse should be allowed some privacy and enjoy Instagram while taking care of his necessities. Is nothing sacred? Have these boys no boundaries?

The Fourth of July party hosted by the group fell short compared to what one might expect from a gathering on “Summer House“. Despite the boys’ elaborate decorations, such as a water slide, hot-dog cart, dunk tank, and matching costumes for their friendships (Carl and Kyle dressed as a hot dog and bun, Jesse and West as ketchup and mustard), the event lacked enthusiasm. Perhaps the weather was the culprit, but it’s also possible that everyone just wasn’t feeling it. The girls ultimately won the competition, not because of their decorations, but because they had control over the bar.

Following the party, Jesse and Lexi are found cuddled together on the couch and later in bed, giving an appearance of no significant events transpiring. However, one might infer this due to the constant surveillance by editors who scrutinize night-vision footage in the bedrooms for any hint of movement, be it a bump, grind, or wiggle. There is much discussion about Jesse and Lexi (either Lessie or Jexi) throughout this episode. They visit a sports-themed bar featuring lawn games, where it’s surprising that no one has been injured by a javelin yet. Additionally, they attend Kyle’s rooftop gathering, happy hour mixer, and the adult storytime session with the newcomer, Imrul. Jesse also encounters her parents, including her attractive father, Scott, who seems capable of joining in the fun if he were in the Hamptons. At Kyle’s event, Lexi queries whether they are moving too quickly, to which Ciara responds, “Quite possibly!”. Even more intriguingly, during Danielle’s visit the following weekend, West jokes that she is there to caution them about moving too fast, as she did with Larl two summers ago.

I’m quite fond of Lexi, and her romantic ventures also appeal to me. Yet, I find myself growing increasingly concerned about her in a relationship. She claims she immerses herself in romances because her deepest fear isn’t having her heart broken; it’s missing out on experiences. That sentiment is truly endearing… at least for someone her age (26). As we gain more life experience, though, we learn that not every person who sparks our feelings necessitates a full plunge. Some may seem attractive on the surface, but beneath that facade, they can be as unappealing as stale hot dog water.

During their date, Lexi confides in Jesse that she is someone who seeks committed relationships and intimate encounters, and she doesn’t engage in casual dating. Additionally, she admits to having a tendency to become jealous. While these qualities resemble those of Ciara, there’s a key difference: Ciara takes things slow, whereas Lexi claims to move rapidly into romantic entanglements that can escalate quickly and then fizzle out spectacularly when the men she dates fail to meet her expectations. Although having standards is not inherently problematic, and Lexi should not feel pressured to change hers, her openness to exploration coupled with numerous caveats seems likely to lead to more than just a few dramatic situations – if not outright disasters. As viewers, we find this intriguing; however, I worry about the potential heartache it could bring for poor Lexi and the men she dates.

It seems that one individual who might not be involved with her is Imrul, whom she met this week, as last weekend he was attending a “play party” and couldn’t visit the house. At this event, it appears he had around 2.5 partners, leading to questions about what constitutes a half partner. Perhaps they only engaged in activities involving hands and mouth without intercourse, or maybe they started but she lost interest and left, or possibly one of the partners was a man. Imrul’s sexual orientation is unclear, but if his half-partner were male, he would be more appealing. So far, we know that he is from Bangladesh, good-looking, and rides a motorcycle to the house. This, along with being our old friend Luke who also rides a motorcycle, raises some suspicion in my mind.

As a passionate cinephile, I’m thrilled to welcome back the returning titan, Danielle, this weekend. While opinions about her in the fandom may vary, I always appreciate having one of our former “Summer House” stars grace our screens again for a triumphant farewell tour. Danielle quickly delivers a brilliant quip, questioning Lindsay if she’d convert her gender reveal into another sponsored post. That’s a burn alright! Lindsay responds that she would have, if only she could have figured out how to pull it off. You’ve got to admire her determination and entrepreneurial spirit.

I’m discussing this crowd joining Jexi, boosting Danielle’s confidence, but the real reason is I’m avoiding talking about my imaginary spouse, Kyle Cooke. You see, I hold a deep affection for that man, and even his alter ego, DJ White Ass, with an intense love that blinds me. However, despite the limited information we have about him texting Paige in anger, I know he’s at fault. Among all the jobs I’ve held—from phone-book delivery person to debt collector, and money taker at the Fire Island underwear party—the most challenging job I will ever undertake is defending Kyle McGill Cooke.

At DJ White Asshole’s rooftop gathering, Paige privately discusses with Ciara a long string of messages Kyle had sent her that day. Apparently, Kyle was annoyed because his girlfriend’s friend Craig joined a rival hard seltzer brand and because Hannah Berner spoke negatively about him on a podcast. Paige argues that if Kyle has issues with either Craig or Hannah, he should confront them directly instead of texting others like Paige. It seems Kyle might realize both parties would harshly rebuff him, but he chooses to confide in Paige, one of his wife’s friends, who wouldn’t be able to retaliate as forcefully. Furthermore, it’s questionable why Kyle sent these messages on the day of the event instead of addressing the issue personally. This situation portrays Kyle as weak.

Regarding the ongoing disputes, it appears the tension between Kyle and Craig has been simmering for quite some time (with an intended pun). I’m eager to learn more, but one thing that’s clear about Kyle is he doesn’t take kindly to threats against his business. His wife or best friend? No issue. Even his infamous mullet? Fair game. But mess with Loverboy, and you’d better be careful. As for Hannah’s statement, she claims she was let go from Summer House due to an ad for another hard seltzer. However, it seems we were watching different shows, as I recall Hannah getting fired for her struggles with reality TV and the dislike of fans. While the seltzer might have played a role, attributing everything to Kyle seems far-fetched.

I also found the “Page Six” exclusive that Paige references, in which she alleges Kyle lied, but it doesn’t seem particularly damning. However, it looks like things are going to escalate next week, and I’ll have to pen another chapter for my upcoming book, Why I Love Kyle Cooke Even When I Know He’s Wrong. Needless to say, it won’t be outselling the forthcoming Giggly Squad book by Paige and Hannah.

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2025-02-27 07:55