Crypto Chaos: SEC’s ETF Shenanigans and the Rise of Altcoin Absurdity

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What to know:

  • XRP and DOGE, those perennial underdogs of the crypto circus, are suddenly basking in the warm glow of SEC’s ETF acknowledgment. 🐕
  • JUP, the token with a name that sounds like a failed NASA mission, is celebrating its buyback plan like it’s just discovered gravity. 🚀
  • BTC, meanwhile, is sulking in the corner, unimpressed by the spot ETF outflows. 🥱

Friday was a day of peculiar triumphs in the world of alternative cryptocurrencies, or as they’re affectionately known, the altcoins. XRP and dogecoin (DOGE) found themselves inexplicably buoyed by the faintest whiff of spot ETF optimism, while Jupiter’s JUP token, the Solana-based decentralized exchange’s pride and joy, was busy patting itself on the back for its buyback program. Because, of course, nothing says “sustainability” like locking up tokens for three years. 🙃

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), that bastion of bureaucratic efficiency, has graciously acknowledged Grayscale’s applications for XRP and DOGE spot ETFs. According to the market regulator’s updates on February 13, these filings will now be submitted to the SEC’s federal register, triggering a 240-day countdown to either approval or another round of crypto-induced headaches. 🕰️

This recent flurry of altcoin ETF filings, including Solana’s SOL and Litecoin (LTC), suggests that the crypto world is eagerly anticipating a Trump presidency to usher in a new era of mainstream financial integration. Because, naturally, nothing screams “financial stability” like a man who once tweeted about buying Greenland. 🏰

Should the SEC approve these XRP and DOGE spot ETFs, institutions might finally be able to dabble in these coins without the hassle of actually owning them. This could, in theory, enhance market liquidity and boost demand for these tokens. Or, more likely, it’ll just give hedge fund managers something to argue about at cocktail parties. 🍸

At press time, XRP was trading at a lofty $2.73, up 10% in 24 hours, making it the best-performing top 100 cryptocurrency by market value. DOGE, meanwhile, was up a modest 4%, according to CoinDesk and Coingecko. Because nothing says “financial revolution” like a meme coin named after a Shiba Inu. 🐶

“In a development that surprised absolutely no one, the SEC has accepted ETF applications for XRP and Dogecoin,” said Valentin Fournier, an analyst at BRN, in an email to CoinDesk. “If approved, these products could significantly expand institutional access to altcoins, injecting liquidity and potentially setting the stage for an alt-season later this year.” Or, you know, just another crypto bubble waiting to burst. 🎈

Jupiter’s JUP token, not to be outdone, was up 10% after the decentralized exchange announced plans to allocate 50% of its protocol fees toward repurchasing and locking JUP tokens for three years starting February 17. Because nothing says “long-term vision” like a three-year lockup. 🔒

Bitcoin (BTC), meanwhile, continued its lackluster performance, hovering around $97,000 amid continued outflows from U.S.-listed spot ETFs. The 11 spot BTC ETFs have seen a cumulative net outflow of $650 million this week, according to Farisde Investors. But hey, at least it’s not as bad as that time Mt. Gox collapsed. 🏦

Despite the dull price action, there’s a glimmer of hope against the backdrop of hotter-than-expected U.S. CPI and PPI releases this week. “Given Bitcoin’s resilience in the face of high inflation and improving regulatory clarity, this accumulation phase may lead to a strong rally in the coming weeks,” Fournier said. Or, you know, it might just continue to be boring. 🥱

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2025-02-14 13:10