Southern Charm Recap: Dog Gone It

Well now, let me tell ya somethin’, I’ve seen my fair share of Southern drama and this season of Southern Charm is no exception! JT, you sweet, confused little thing, you just can’t seem to keep your big mouth shut, can ya? Writing apology notes on the wrong side of the paper like a common fool, spreading rumors about your friends, and thinking you’re slick as syrup when you’re not.

As a devoted cinephile, I must confess, this TV series has become more crammed than Dolly Parton’s wardrobe! The recent episode featuring Rodrigo and Tyler throwing a “Doggy Parton” themed bash for their 13-year-old pooch Bella is what inspired my Dolly reference. However, the influx of new characters has left me scratching my head. Who are these individuals? What on earth is happening now? It seems like everyone other than the boys is making guest appearances. I can’t help but wonder if Venita, Leva, Whitney, Paige, and the rest are being compensated with something more substantial than free dog biscuits from the party. And to top it all off, they’ve all shared intimate moments? At least Venita added a touch of glitz, strutting in pink chaps adorned with sequin hotpants – the epitome of fashion for a Doggy Parton-themed dog birthday party thrown by gay dog dads.

Into this whole mess walks Molly’s friend Salley, who apparently trains people how to use surgical robots. I really want to like her because that is the coolest job, other than being an ice cream taste tester. Salley and her unnecessary E hooked up with Shep once and sent him packing at 2 a.m. in an Uber against his wishes which I freakin’ love. How many times has Shep pulled that trick and sent home girls in a random Nissan driven by a law student named Jeremy in the middle of the night so that he and Little Craig could marinate in their own farts all night? It’s nice for Salley to be both sex-positive and Shep-negative.

Salley won me over swiftly, but she lost me just as soon. She confided that she too had a past with Taylor’s current partner, Gaston, who might or might not be on the show; I’m uncertain about this. She admitted, “We dated for three months, but I believed he was my soulmate, and I thought he felt the same, however, he was unfaithful throughout our relationship.” Firstly, I can never forgive ‘The Bachelor’ for coining the term “my soulmate.” Could we please retire this already? It’s overly sentimental and oversimplified. There are countless significant people in everyone’s lives, not just one “soulmate.” Moreover, she made this revelation after a mere three months. You can hardly decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with a mattress after three months; let alone a man named after Disney’s most charming rogue. Now let’s sing together: “No one is as perfect as Gaston, no one deceives like Gaston, no one wins the hearts of women like Gaston.

As a supporter, I find myself scratching my head over Salley. In the scenes, she’s portrayed as blonde, yet in the confessionals, she appears brunette. It makes me wonder if it’s truly the same person we’re seeing on Southern Charm. Could it be that the producers are playing a clever trick reminiscent of The Parent Trap? Or perhaps Salley herself hasn’t grasped the concept of continuity?

Apart from Sienna, who is Shep’s current girlfriend from the Bahamas visiting for a while, we also encounter other characters in this episode. It seems that Shep dreams of staying with her, possibly marrying and starting a large family, then spending his days fishing and relaxing – essentially settling down there permanently. Upon reflection, it appears Shep harbors aspirations akin to colonization, much like his ancestors. However, it’s unclear if he plans on establishing a plantation as well.

In addition to meeting Audrey, Austen’s new girlfriend, she appears fleetingly on screen and hardly gets a chance to interact with others. Audrey’s role seems effortless due to the fact that only Madison, Austen’s former partner on the show, is causing drama – preoccupied with coordinating outfits with Paige (they share an Amazon shopping page) and discussing her husband’s cancer. It appears as though Sally may be attempting to instigate conflict with Taylor, yet Taylor shows no interest in it. Instead, she seems more focused on overcoming the unease of meeting Sienna for the first time while sharing her thoughts about Sienna being “number one on the roster” with Leva. Frankly, I find Taylor’s storyline less engaging than many other reality television characters, including several dogs at a puppy party.

As an enthusiast, I can’t help but notice that at the gathering, it appears that JT and the fresh faces, Ryan and Dr. Eddie, were left out of the social circle. While it makes sense for JT to be excluded, one can’t help but wonder if there’s some tension between Rodrigo, Tyler, and the other attractive Charleston gays, Ryan and Dr. Eddie. Is there a secret gay drama unfolding that we’re unaware of? And if so, why hasn’t it reached our ears yet? The old adage rings true: there’s no drama quite like a gay boy drama because a gay boy drama never ends. Despite the intrigue surrounding this party, it seems like everyone was more preoccupied with their beloved pets, making the event more of a calm affair rather than an explosive one.

The only drama of the episode is thanks to JT, who is trying to repair things with both Miss Patricia and Madison. He decides that, like his mother, he’s going to write her an apology note, which seems like a good idea. That’s until he starts writing on a note card on the side with his embossed initial right in the middle of the page. Dude, that is the back! Then he starts scribbling in his sad, millennial, TikyToky-addicted scrawl that doesn’t make any sense. “My intent was meant…” he writes before pausing, realizing that what he’s writing makes absolutely no sense. If it’s that hard, just type it in Notes App like a celebrity apology first and copy it from the phone. Maybe then you could even space it out a bit so “Warmest Regards” isn’t squished at the bottom like Salley trying to jam her way into this season’s overstuffed cast photo.

Here’s a way to rephrase the given sentences:

It’s clear Whitney acknowledges that JT might not have referred to her as a “bitch,” given JT’s history of not using such language, as he once had his mother cut six inches off his legs for using it, making him the height he is today. (I should note I benefit from tall-man privilege.) Additionally, Whitney remembers that Craig can sometimes be careless with the truth, something we’re all aware of, considering he may excel at maintaining his pool and hot tub more than recalling events accurately.

In another significant fallout, JT encounters Madison for a confrontation over coffee, where she essentially tells him to stay away from her. Arriving at this meeting, Madison was stunning in a petite, neutral dress and sunglasses that I promptly added to both her and Paige’s Amazon carts. Despite my admiration for Madison, similar to how Rodrigo feels about arm day at the gym, I believe she might have been overly harsh with JT. Instead of focusing on his appearance while setting him straight, she could have addressed the real problem. The central concern is not whether JT is attractive (which we all know he isn’t), but rather why he assumes that Madison’s husband would think she’s cheating. What needs clarification is why he spreads unfounded theories without discussing it with her first.

If I were in Brett’s shoes, I would have responded differently if I received an unexpected FaceTime call from Madison. I might say, “Hey Madison, I found our conversation a bit odd when it happened. Is everything alright between us?” She could have explained the situation just as she did to viewers – that she had been calling Brett every night, and on one occasion in Jamaica, she didn’t call him, which made him concerned. He was simply checking that she wasn’t spending all night with Austen, indulging in late-night McDonald’s feasts and wine sessions. Now, if Madison ever wanted to enjoy a night of wine and fast food in bed, I would be more than happy to join her (and promise Brett I wouldn’t touch a hair out of place).

2024-12-20 07:54

Southern Charm Recap: Dog Gone It

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