As a lifelong political observer with a keen eye for the absurd and a deep appreciation for democracy, I find myself deeply troubled yet intrigued by the recent election results. The night was indeed disheartening, with so many groups facing potential hardships under the new administration. But as someone who’s seen my fair share of political ups and downs, I’ve learned to always keep hope alive.
On Wednesday evening, “Jimmy Kimmel Live” went on the air with a pointed commentary about the election, detailing during Jimmy Kimmel’s Wednesday monologue what was lost when Donald Trump was re-elected as president: “It was an unfortunate night for women, children, the countless hardworking immigrants who contribute to our country, healthcare, our environment, science, journalism, justice, free speech. It was an unfortunate night for the poor, the middle class, seniors depending on Social Security, Ukraine’s allies, NATO, democracy, and moral values. And it was a bad night for everyone who didn’t vote for him, as well as those who did. You may not realize it yet, but it was a disappointing night for you too.
From a different perspective, he noted that last night seemed to be advantageous for Putin, polio, Elon Musk, and other affectionate billionaires, as well as the fellows in Silicon Valley, and those who squirmed while surrendering their remaining spiritual essence to worship Donald Trump.
Kimmel pointed out that the presidential election boiled down to a prosecutor and a person with a criminal background, “and the American people decided to elect the individual with a criminal background as President of the United States. Over half of our country cast their votes for this criminal, who intends to grant himself a pardon for his wrongdoings. I suppose the election wasn’t manipulated.
Interestingly enough, Trump had previously claimed that the election would be fixed. Yet, here we are, and it appears the outcome wasn’t manipulated this time around. As Kimmel put it, “It’s almost unbelievable! Last time, it was the Democrats who allegedly cheated. This time, they opted not to, or so it seems.” Kimmel then compared Trump to the Emperor from ‘Star Wars’, stating that he’s like an old, malevolent figure who inexplicably keeps reappearing.
Kimmel has been outspoken about his backing of Kamala Harris and urging viewers not to vote for Trump. He even prepared a special monologue for Republican viewers and jokingly inquired, “By the way, did any of you share that monologue with a Republican as I requested last week?
Kimmel praised Harris for gracefully accepting her defeat in the election, unlike Trump who failed to do so in 2020. “In America,” he explained, “there’s an election, and then the votes are counted. If a Democrat loses, they usually call to congratulate the victor.
“You know what I’m going to say, something that Trump would never say unless it favored him: The people voted, and this is the choice we made,” Kimmel added. “In January. Donald Trump becomes president, and that’s that he won. Doesn’t mean we give up, but it also doesn’t mean we storm the Capitol because we don’t like the result.”
Kimmel expressed that it’s been challenging to identify any positive aspect in recent events, but he remains hopeful that if Trump fails to fulfill his pledges, people might finally perceive his true methods. “We’ve been in a similar situation before,” he said, “and yes, this time could potentially be even more severe. However, I also believe that looking back, we may recognize that this was the wake-up call we required. Perhaps those who are deeply invested in him will eventually understand just how little he values them.
He’s pledging to end wars, impose tariffs, combat inflation, and reduce taxes – let’s see if he follows through, I certainly hope so,” Kimmel continued. “I’m hoping his unexpected move will be to work cooperatively with the opposition for a positive outcome. The standards are low right now, but he has a chance to win us over. Perhaps this time, he’ll surprise us by accomplishing something constructive. He likely won’t, but he might. Or maybe the only advantage of all this is that he can’t run again in 2028. Maybe next time, the Republicans will pick an orangutan to be their presidential candidate. At least make it entertaining.
Later in his speech segment, Kimmel made a somewhat humorous, yet personal request to President-elect Trump: “I kindly ask that he grants me the opportunity to cohabit with Taylor Swift in prison. I’m quite skillful at crafting bracelets, and I believe we have a compatible friendship. We’ll find out how amusing this proposition is in six months when the big talk show host evaluation begins.
Simultaneously, on Wednesday evening’s broadcast, Kimmel can be spotted tidying up his office. Suddenly, Guillermo pops in and queries him about the task at hand.
As a movie enthusiast, I can’t endure another four years like these. Who knows what surprises are in store? But, just hearing him mention having an enemies list… I have a feeling I might be included.
Guillermo reassures Jimmy: “Jimmy, take a breath. You’re reacting like a scared child. When things get tough, what do strong people do? Jimmy, we need you. We need your help to overcome this. Your voice carries great weight. Do it for the blue, white, and red.
As a movie enthusiast, I’d put it this way: “Well, it’s all about the stars and stripes, Guillermo, but thank you for your kind words. You know what? You hit the nail on the head. There are still matters to attend to here. By the way, why the suitcase?
As Guillermo puts on a sombrero: “I’m going back to Mexico!”
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Jimmy Kimmel Live (@jimmykimmellive)
The special guests on Wednesday evening were the hosts of “Pod Save America”, namely Jon Favreau, Jon Lovett, Dan Pfeiffer, and Tommy Vietor, as well as the musical entertainer Alessia Cara.
Here is the full monologue:
It seems I’ve given this some thought for quite a while now (about 17 hours), wondering what words could be shared tonight. But as it turns out, there doesn’t seem to be anything meaningful to express right now – goodnight, everyone!
Allow me to share with you, that Taco Tuesday couldn’t have been more disappointing across all my experiences. Instead of selecting a reputable figure such as a prosecutor, we opted for an individual previously charged as a criminal – elected as the President of the United States. Shockingly, over half of this nation cast their votes in favor of this criminal, who is now considering granting himself a pardon for his wrongdoings!
It’s surprising that this election didn’t appear to be rigged, considering his claims otherwise. It’s odd because he had repeatedly stated that it would be rigged, even during the voting process. It’s hard to believe that this time, there was no manipulation when we know the Democrats were accused of cheating in the past. This Donald Trump is like the Emperor from Star Wars – old, seemingly villainous, and persistent, with no clear justification for his continued presence.
As they were just finishing the task of removing the last traces of ketchup from the White House walls, I’m still puzzled about what transpired. To clear the air, did any of you actually send the monologue to a Republican as instructed last week? For those among you who are eagerly watching this show with the intention of seeing me struggle – rest assured, there was no triumph in Mudville last night.
My thoughts were scattered – one moment I was admiring the long lines in every city, thinking “that’s beautiful – democracy at work”, and the next I found myself listening to a reporter interviewing someone at Arizona State University who claimed they voted for Trump because Kamala Harris didn’t appear on Joe Rogan’s podcast. It left me bewildered, like I had lost my passport somewhere along the way.
Whenever something disheartening occurs, I allow my kids a brief moment of venting by cursing for thirty seconds. This morning, over breakfast, my wife encouraged our upset daughter Jane, saying, “You’ve got this,” and as she began her tirade, our seven-year-old Billy made his way down the stairs. Dressed in a black Adidas tracksuit, high tops, and Ray-Bans, he resembled the fourth member of Run DMC. Upon hearing the tail end of their conversation, Billy inquired, “What’s happening?” To which my wife replied, “Donald Trump won,” prompting Billy to exclaim an expletive. I must admit, it almost made the election results bearable.
Yesterday, I received numerous messages throughout the day and night, many of which were from worried friends, family members, and colleagues – all discussing diarrhea. It seems that diarrhea reached an unprecedented level in America yesterday, which led me to ponder, what is it about me that encourages others to feel at ease sharing such details? I guess I must come across as a sort of Diarrhea Whisperer!
Last night, President Biden observed events unfolding from the White House. He seemed to be straining to adjust the TV with what appeared to be an old calculator, mistaking it for a remote control. I couldn’t help but empathize with him. It must have been quite disconcerting for him to watch someone else taking his place on the ballot. It was as if he were watching a replay of his own fate, much like the protagonist in the movie “Final Destination,” who has a premonition and escapes a doomed flight, only to witness the disaster from the safety of the terminal. In this case, instead of a plane explosion, it was a metaphorical diarrhea.
President Biden reached out to Donald Trump today for a call, offering congratulations on his recent victory and extending an invitation to visit the White House for a discussion – perhaps even enjoying some “Matlock,” a show featuring Kathy Bates together. Similarly, Vice President Kamala Harris spoke with Trump as well. Following her conversation, she clarified the meaning of the term “conceded.” Trump then questioned if conceding meant being arrogant or conceited, to which Harris replied.
She did it this way as it’s customary in the U.S., following a process that includes elections, vote counting, and extending congratulations to the victor if the Democratic candidate loses.
Harris delivered a heartening speech at her former university, Howard University. She expressed, “Everything will be alright. The beacon of America’s potential will forever shine bright.” Indeed, it is true. What makes America exceptional is the fact that an ordinary garbage collector or a cook from McDonald’s could ascend to the position of President of the United States not once, but twice. To me, this is truly inspiring.
Poor Tim Walz right now is in his backyard, playing a very solemn game of cornhole by himself.
In Nevada, there was an issue with ballots from numerous young voters whose signatures didn’t match due to their lack of experience signing names. Unfortunately, despite being advised against it, we didn’t heed the warning about giving our children iPads. However, I do appreciate everyone who took part in the voting process – even if you did so just for a bottle of water from Paul Rudd, thank you for exercising your right to vote. And remember, if you’re still in line, please don’t leave it! Stand firm and continue!
In summary, the voting process generally progressed well, although there were several bomb threats received as phone calls and emails in heavily democratic precincts across Georgia, Arizona, and Michigan. It appears that these threats originated from Russia, according to authorities. This suggests that the Russians are running out of creative strategies when they resort to similar methods used by 80’s kids to dodge Physical Education classes, in an attempt to interfere with our elections.
Frankly, the remainder of it wasn’t good at all. In reality, last night was a disastrous one. It was a dismal evening that affected women, children, countless hard-working immigrants who contribute significantly to our country, healthcare, climate, science, journalism, justice, free speech, and decency. The poor, the middle class, seniors relying on Social Security, our allies in Ukraine, NATO, truth, Democracy, and honesty all suffered too. It was a truly dreadful night.
That fateful night turned out to be a difficult one for those who cast their votes against him, and here’s an interesting twist: it was also a challenging night for those who voted in his favor, although they might not fully appreciate it as of now.
And most of all, it was an absolute disaster of a night for Melania.
However, it turned out to be an exceptionally favorable evening for Putin, polio, tech tycoons like Elon Musk, the fellows in Silicon Valley, and the countless individuals who sacrificed parts of their integrity to venerate Donald Trump.
But you know what? I’m going to say something that Trump would never say, unless it favored him: The people voted. And this is the choice we made. In January, Donald Trump becomes President, and that’s that. He won. It doesn’t mean we give up. But it also doesn’t mean we don’t storm the Capitol because we don’t like the result.
Despite some individuals’ reluctance towards positive remarks, I’ve been brainstorming a hopeful perspective. The most encouraging thought I can offer is that we’ve faced similar challenges in the past. Regrettably, it seems likely this time will be more difficult, possibly much so. However, there’s a possibility we might eventually reflect on this period as a necessary wake-up call. Perhaps those who deeply care for him should discover just how little he values their feelings.
Now, all the promises he makes about stopping wars and imposing tariffs and how he’s going to crush inflation and cut taxes, now he has to do this stuff! And I hope he does. I really do. I hope his next unpredictable act is to reach across the aisle and do something positive. The bar’s low. He has an opportunity to win us over.
Back then, when he first assumed office, he collaborated with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi on infrastructure projects. However, other Republicans objected, saying “no, no – we don’t work together like that.” This time around, there’s a chance he might surprise us by accomplishing something constructive. Of course, it’s uncertain if he will, but the possibility remains.
Perhaps the silver lining here is that he won’t be eligible to run in 2028. Who knows, maybe in the future, the Republicans might even consider a charismatic orangutan as their presidential candidate! After all, let’s make things interesting!
I humbly ask President-elect Trump to consider allowing me to cohabit a prison cell with Taylor Swift, should such an arrangement ever be possible. I have a talent for creating intricate bracelets and believe we could form a strong friendship. Time will tell if this request brings laughter or surprise when the popular talk show host selection process commences in six months.
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2024-11-07 08:18