The Golden Bachelorette Recap: The Gang Goes to Tahiti

As a world-weary, globetrotting movie connoisseur with a soft spot for reality TV, I find myself torn between my love for the golden escapades of The Bachelorette and my ever-growing moral compass that cringes at the cultural insensitivity displayed in this week’s episode. This time around, the Fantasy Suites have been rebranded as “Private Chat Time” – a more appropriate name if ever there was one.


For easier understanding and less embarrassment, let’s call this week “Private Conversation Suites” instead of Fantasy Suites. It fits Joan’s intentions perfectly, and reality-TV fans always enjoy the mystery surrounding these private conversations! Well done, Joan, for knowing what you want!

This week, we are departing from the United States for Tahiti, specifically Moorea Island. However, I’ve been grappling with a series of ethical dilemmas concerning this destination because of its colonization history, cultural appropriation issues, and other problematic aspects that have led to reality TV shows exploiting the culture to elicit strong emotions from an older Frenchman. To alleviate my sense of responsibility, I’ve delved into various Wikipedia articles. Interestingly, Tahiti was incorporated by France in 1880, making it part of French Polynesia, which remains an overseas territory of the French Republic. It feels somewhat incongruous in 2024! Yet, the U.S. illegally annexed Hawaii in 1898, so here we all find ourselves.

As a movie aficionado, I must admit that the location, though peculiar until Pascal’s date, doesn’t deter me from empathizing with our protagonist, Joan. Joan harbors optimism, convinced she’s on the brink of meeting her perfect match. What she yearns for, and rightfully so, is the comforting presence of her loved ones during this journey. Indeed, dear Joan, I share your sentiment; having them by your side would undeniably ease your path. Regrettably, the producers are not inclined to extend that luxury, but they’ve arranged for Nancy from The Golden Bachelor to offer you solace and guidance instead.

I don’t remember a lot about Nancy, but apparently she and Joan live near each other and are close now. Joan tells her that Guy is very handsome, Pascal is adventurous, and Chock makes her feel safe and like he’s too good to be true. This feels very slanted toward Chock in a way I don’t like. When Joan talks about her loneliness, Nancy says, “Lonely is not a place you stay; lonely is a place you walk through,” and while I tend to eye-roll at things like this, loneliness is possibly the worst feeling we as humans have to deal with, so I support this aphorism.

The first date is with Guy, and this is where we learn that Mooréa has a Sofitel. Good to know. Guy is the kind of person who says he feels “like a million bucks.” He’s falling in love with Joan and thinks she looks like fricking perfection. I personally don’t know what to do with Guy’s restraining order information other than to say that if my friend were dating someone whose ex got a restraining order against them, I would say, “Stop it! Stop seeing them right now!” But I don’t know Joan, so she and Guy go on what I believe is a catamaran because it has those two floaty things. I’m not a boat guy. They go snorkeling with stingrays and blacktip sharks. They have dinner at a teeny table, per Bachelor’s law. Joan tells him she is not going to do the physical part of Fantasy Suites because she doesn’t want to do that with three different people. Guy is very on board with this and supportive, and it makes me like him.

In simpler terms, Chock secured a second date and they hopped onto an all-terrain vehicle (ATV). Joan, hailing from Kansas, assumed this was familiar to Chock. However, you’d think otherwise! After all, what connects Kansas with ATVs, Joan? I can’t help but wonder what mental map Joan has of various Midwestern states and the associations she makes. It’s not a judgmental thing; I just find it intriguing. For instance, does she believe everyone in Indiana cross-country skis? Perhaps so!

Joan and Chock enjoyed a picnic in the dirt, an action I find puzzling. They constantly praise each other, yet I continue to have doubts about Chock. Since the beginning, I’ve expressed my concerns and the uneasy feelings persist. When Joan expresses her preference for no physicality in the Fantasy Suite, Chock claims he’s “fine with that,” which is often a euphemism for being uncomfortable. The next morning, a producer queries him about their activities, to which he responds it’s private between Joan and himself, and if she wishes to discuss it, she can. What on earth, Chock! All you needed to say was, “We had a great time deepening our relationship.” Now you’ve made it sound strange, and with your ambiguous comment about a gentleman never revealing secrets, you’re actually disclosing them! Between this questionable behavior and his clingy nature, he gives off vibes of love-bombing and the warning sign “stay away from him.” It seems Joan may still choose him, but we might all be in for a surprise.

The real drama, of course, comes during the Pascal date, and by drama, I mean the part that’s a huge bummer. Pascal is all set for a nice, chill day, which starts with what is labeled “La Ora Na” and glossed by the show as a Tahitian welcoming ceremony. In Tahitian, “la ora na” means “hello,” so okay, I’ll buy that. This is mainly music, dancing (apparently called “Ori Tahiti”), and food. The food looks extremely good! Joan calls the breadfruit “odd.” Maybe you’re odd, Joan!!

Where were we? Yes. Breadfruit. Pascal is so psyched that everyone speaks French. I can’t handle any of these comments. They speak French because of colonialism, Pascal! Then they go to what Joan calls a “traditional Tahitian bonding ceremony,” which is not what Pascal expected. They pour ocean water into each other’s hands and say vulnerable things. Based on what I read on many white people’s Tahitian wedding ceremony travel pages, these things seem to be elements of Tahitian weddings, so that seems straightforwardly appropriative on the part of the show. I mean, they made up the “being vulnerable” part for the show; the water is supposed to cleanse you and give you a fresh start (according to another white person’s page). Pascal is super confused, as are we all.

That evening, Joan inquired about Pascal’s feelings regarding their day, and he responded that he wasn’t interested, feeling scared, and was finished with the situation. However, he expressed this kindly. He admitted to caring for her as a friend but not romantically. This season has taken me by surprise with Pascal; he evolved from a man struggling with laundry to one of the most emotionally open individuals. He confided in the camera that Joan claimed to be fine, a phrase often used when one is hurt. When asked if he was okay, he exclaimed, “No!” His sincerity in expressing his emotions stands out starkly against Chock’s perceived insincerity. Meanwhile, Guy carries on as usual.

Pascal departs, Joan seems disheartened and fears she’ll go without anyone’s company. We’ll just have to be patient for two weeks to see what happens because the week after is called “The Men Speak Up.” The main reasons I’m excited about that are Charles and Jack. Don’t forget Jack? What a great guy, indeed.

Read More

2024-10-31 05:53