As I delve deeper into understanding the intricacies of this interview, it strikes me how profoundly Bethany Joy Lenz‘s life experiences have shaped her. Her candidness about her past relationships, particularly the complex dynamic with her ex, resonates with many who have navigated similar situations.
Approximately fifteen months ago, during a summary episode of the “Drama Queens” podcast, guest Michaela McManus inquired from co-hosts Bethany Joy Lenz and Sophia Bush if they had ever considered writing a book. Lenz admitted that she frequently writes and expressed her desire to share her personal narrative. She also disclosed an unexpected aspect about herself to the listeners. “I was part of a cult for ten years,” she stated. “Such an experience would be beneficial to write about – and the subsequent ten years of recovery following it. There is much to share.
Four weeks passed before she shared her experience in detail for the first time, during a conversation with EbMaster on Zoom. While relaxing in her Nashville backyard, we spent 45 minutes discussing the emotions of shame she experienced, the efforts made by her “One Tree Hill” co-stars to assist her, and how she eventually conquered the fear that had held her back from leaving the group.
Eleven months following our initial meeting, Lenz’s book titled “Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show (Simultaneously in an Actual Cult)” is set to hit the shelves. At a quaint hotel in Wilmington, North Carolina, where “One Tree Hill” was filmed from 2003 until 2012, Lenz and I find ourselves chatting. This city provided Lenz with solace during her long years with the Big House Family, a cult that originated as a Bible study in Los Angeles. After a new leader, referred to as “Les” in the book (with many names altered), assumed control, the group transitioned to a communal living arrangement in Idaho.
Over the course of several years, I followed the advice of my group and turned down numerous acting opportunities. Towards the end of 2005, during Season 3 of “One Tree Hill,” I tied the knot with the son of our leader, and we are proud parents to a 13-year-old daughter named Rosie. Although he isn’t directly mentioned in the book, my former husband was musician Michael Galeotti; we parted ways in 2012, announcing our separation just a month before the final episode of “One Tree Hill” aired.
In our chat session, I don myself in jeans splattered with paint and munch on homemade Snickerdoodles by Rosie. She generously shares some with me, and we decide to grab cocktails at the bar. She’s quite particular about her gin and tonic, ensuring a drink tailored just for her. It doesn’t take long before she starts spotting Wilmington locals, having spent many years in this town.
She expresses her sentiment, stating that the atmosphere feels familiar and comfortable instead of jarring or overwhelming. On the contrary, it stirs a sense of nostalgia for the moments she missed out on during the early 2000s, an era before cell phones when people often bumped into each other randomly on the street.
Lenz discusses some pals from “One Tree Hill” who supported her post her departure from the cult, and her subsequent battle for full custody of her daughter following a divorce. She obtained declarations from Paul Johansson, Daphne Zuniga, Allison Munn, and producer Joe Davola to be submitted as evidence in court.
Later on, Johansson explained that the cast had been worried about her safety due to some conversations they had behind her back, which she initially thought were jokes or fear. However, it turned out they weren’t mocking her or afraid of her. Instead, they sensed she was being exploited and potentially endangered. They were trying to find a way to assist her in these situations.
In the book, she remembers discussing with her costar Tyler Hilton, whom she grew quite fond of during the “One Tree Hill” Concert Tour in 2005. On the third stop, some members of the Big House Family tagged along. After this, her bond with Hilton shifted, and eventually, he questioned, “Are you involved in a religious group or something?” She clarified that she wasn’t, but from then on, there seemed to be an uneasy tension between them.
Immediately following the conclusion of the tour, an opportunity arose for her – playing Belle in “Beauty & the Beast” on Broadway, her long-held dream role.
Les persuaded me that it wasn’t the ideal decision for me, and I chose to decline. I remember him saying, “One path leads to a prosperous career, and another leads to Family, both of which will be greatly blessed. However, what truly stirs my heart is the fact that you’ve never had the chance to experience Family life. For the past few months, you’ve been traveling. This is the longest time you’ve spent away from us, and we eagerly await your return with open arms. Perhaps, this could be a trick of the adversary to prevent you from claiming your inheritance as a child of God – an inheritance that includes nurturing your spiritual connection through Family and discovering the joy of truly experiencing heaven on earth.
Below, Lenz and I delve into her creative method, her bond with God, her connections with her former partner’s relatives, and the journey of rebuilding trust.
We last spoke when you were in the process of writing. Now, you’re done. How do you feel?
I’m thrilled to say I wrote that book myself, having put in a tremendous amount of effort. There was no ghostwriter involved. The process was challenging, almost like emptying my mind onto paper. But thankfully, I had an exceptional editor who guided me through the complexities and skillfully reorganized things for clarity. I gained a wealth of knowledge during this journey.
The process must have been so intense. What was the most difficult part?
The most challenging aspect for me while writing after 2005, particularly following my marriage, proved to be quite difficult. This section of the book was especially tough not just because it was personal, but also because my daughter is 13 and the book deals with her father’s life. I value respect greatly, so I wanted to be considerate about how much information I shared. Now that she’s old enough, if she chooses to read it, we can discuss it. However, I didn’t want to tarnish her father’s image unnecessarily. I don’t believe he’s a bad person; rather, I think everyone has their own journey, and I prefer not to judge his. Balancing authenticity, truthfulness, and respecting our relationship was the trickiest part of writing this book.
How much have you spoken to your daughter about this?
Because of different legal things that are in place, I can’t discuss too much of that.
How’d you land on “Dinner for Vampires” as the title and this cover image?
In the midst of drafting my book proposal, an unexpected sentence emerged, one that hinted at an unexpected twist: “I hadn’t realized I was about to be a course for a horde of vampires.” Initially, I felt a tinge of apprehension due to its bold and intriguing nature. Yet, my agent found it appealing. The cover design posed a challenge, as we cycled through various concepts that either felt too somber or unclear. Given the ominous and thought-provoking title, I was adamant about the cover conveying a tone of optimism from the get-go.
I believe my memoir, while delving into the heavy and somber aspects of being in a cult, aims to stand out by infusing it with humor and self-deprecation, which conveys an underlying message of hope. Laughing at one’s mistakes implies acceptance, not just of the blunders, but also the imperfect self within them. This theme resonates universally, whether or not you’ve been part of a cult. The real-life events were so extraordinary that I chose to emulate the style of ’70s and ’80s soap opera paperbacks – nostalgic, outrageous, glamorous, dramatic, yet heartwarming.
You changed the names of people in the book, and I know you combined some people into one character to tell the story more smoothly. How much communication did you have with the people who you do write about?
I frequently interact with Emily, Jasmine, Dante, and Abe, and they provided significant assistance during our early conversations about revisiting difficult memories. One challenge is that when trauma occurs, the brain tends to create memory gaps, which can make it hard to recall specific details. After I wrote extensively about my marriage, I began to experience a fogginess, struggling to authentically describe the following four years due to memory loss. I felt detached and uninterested in fabricating events. By speaking with many of these individuals, I was able to explore my past honestly, unearthing details that I didn’t even realize I had forgotten. This process felt like uncovering hidden aspects of my own life.
This group began as a Bible study, and eventually, they really tried to take advantage of your religious loyalty to God. What’s your relationship with religion and God now?
My experiences have shown me that my understanding and connection to faith has been primarily driven by a sense of obligation and following a set of rules, with the assumption that adhering to these will lead to a fulfilling life. I was under the impression that if I ticked all the boxes, I would be rewarded with a good life. Is this not how it works? Do the right things, receive a great life in return, is that not the deal? But what I discovered was something far more intricate and liberating. I reached a stage where I embraced the human condition’s openness, realizing that I don’t have all the answers and sometimes struggle to make decisions. At times, I know what to do, at other times, I don’t, but that’s alright. As my faith journey evolves daily, it serves as a sanctuary for me. It’s not about the actions I take, and it feels incredibly freeing. Making mistakes has become easier, and I no longer punish myself as harshly. I find it simpler to let go, and I experience less shame. Although there are still moments of shame, I don’t dwell on my past mistakes as much because I understand that there are multiple paths forward – plan B, C, D, E – and everything will work out in the end. It’s all going to be okay.
You talk a bit about the controlling nature your ex-husband had on your wardrobe, scripts, having lunch with co-stars, etc. on “One Tree Hill.” Was the cast aware of that?
I’m not convinced. I anticipated it might seem unusual. There were many aspects I believed would appear strange, and I rationalized these by suggesting they lacked “spiritual insight” to perceive things. This mindset fosters a sense of superiority, which seems to be the only way to cope with that lifestyle.
Paul Johannsson and Daphne Zuniga were really there for you after you got out, but you share that the way you separated yourself from the group, and did create a bit of a divide between you and the rest of the cast. Do you feel you were able to repair those relationships later on?
Wishing I had grasped the situation earlier is something I can’t help but regret. It would have been wonderful to spend the last year or so of our time together on set, fostering deeper connections with everyone. Unfortunately, by the time I came into my own and began exploring life independently, most of the crew had moved on to new projects. Despite working together for a decade, they will always be like family to me. The industry is such that we forge friendships quickly when starting a new job, but inevitably everyone moves on. Paul and Daphne, being more experienced, seemed to understand the importance of maintaining relationships and friendships, which perhaps some of the younger crew members didn’t fully grasp due to lack of life experience. I was clueless and just trying to find my footing at that time. They were truly wonderful, offering support and stability in many ways. In smaller ways, I made attempts to reconnect with others, but it was James [Lafferty] who I initially reached out to since he resided in L.A., and we had always gotten along well, though we weren’t particularly close. Conventions have been instrumental in helping me rekindle those connections.
You have the “Drama Queens” podcast with Hilarie Burton and Sophia Bush, both of whom you never allowed yourself to get close to on set. Did you ever feel the need to apologize to anyone?
I’m unsure if I ever needed to apologize to everyone on the show, but I did to some, such as my family and parents. Perhaps I should have extended my apologies more broadly because I didn’t develop close relationships with many people during the show, which might be why it didn’t cross my mind. It wasn’t like they had me, only to lose me later on.
Maybe it’s something to consider. The idea of saying, “I’m sorry that I was here, but I was not here for you. I wasn’t a present part of this community, and maybe you needed me and I wasn’t there and I’m sorry.” Yeah, that might be worth it. It’s interesting to think about.
You were so open about your relationship with your parents — cutting out your dad for six years and him so openly taking you back in and helping you win custody of your daughter. How do they feel about the book?
As a dedicated cinephile, I have to admit that my family has been nothing short of understanding throughout this process. Initially, I worried that my mom’s words might have come across sharper than intended, but upon reflection, I realized it was more about my reminiscence of adolescence – the 13-year-old or 15-year-old girl within me felt those emotions at the time. I strive to make it clear that the bond between mothers and daughters is intricate, and she was navigating her own challenges, given the complexities in their marriage which weren’t for me to divulge. Rereading my work, I couldn’t help but think, “Geez, Dad seems almost saintly, while Mom appears a bit unconventional.” My hope is that readers will grasp the subtleties and appreciate the nuanced portrayal. The speed at which events unfolded left me wishing for a more typical timeline to fully develop this narrative.
It seems really quick. Once you mentioned it on “Drama Queens,” how fast was your turnaround?
Indeed, Simon & Schuster had set a one-year deadline for the project. Remarkably, I managed to submit a 90,000-word manuscript in just two and a half months, working at an incredible pace. Essentially, I functioned like a well-oiled machine during that period.
As a single mother, how were you able to hold space for when you were writing, emotionally, then hopping to school pickups and dinner duty?
For a while now, I’ve been dating a truly remarkable man who has been incredibly supportive and helpful. He assists me in tasks like picking up our child from school, allowing me to continue writing until 5 o’clock. To manage my time effectively, I created a schedule that indicated the days when I would pick her up from school, help with her homework, or take her to various activities. This way, I could ensure I remained involved in her daily routine. However, there were also days when I was engrossed in writing from 7:30 in the morning until 6 at night. Fortunately, she’s at an age where she finds me uncool and prefers not to spend too much time with me. Thus, I had help in maintaining our family life.
As a movie critic, I’d put it this way: “In my personal journey, I strive for authenticity and openness. I don’t feel the need to disclose every minor detail, but I aim to be honest about my feelings. For instance, on challenging days when work demands tough subjects, my patience might wear thin, leading to potential misunderstandings. Or, if I appear downcast, it’s because I’m dealing with something heavy, yet I remain present and cherish our relationship.
Did it take you a long time to trust someone new in a romantic relationship?
Absolutely, I only dated people that I knew.
And do they need to still be spiritually aligned with your beliefs?
Indeed, as I’ve let go of relying on a checklist and have deepened my everyday connection with the God of my comprehension, it has become an integral part of who I am. Consequently, establishing a truly intimate relationship might be challenging for someone who doesn’t share this spiritual bond – not that we must follow the same path, but if there isn’t some mutual understanding and acknowledgment of the divine, I find it hard to imagine how such a connection could fully develop. I’ve attempted to bridge this gap in past relationships, but I often felt somewhat overlooked or misunderstood when our spiritual beliefs diverged significantly.
Are you comfortable going to church now?
Occasionally, I do visit places. Recently, I stepped into one that was inside someone’s home, and before I even entered, I experienced a sudden bout of anxiety, almost like a panic attack. It served as a significant trigger for me, but I also try to keep in mind that not every experience will be an exact replica. There are opportunities to do things differently; it’s not all going to be the same.
Would you write another book?
Indeed! I began crafting fiction stories when I turned 12 years old. Initially, I penned a few chapters using our newly acquired computer. The story revolves around a girl named Luke, which is quite amusing, don’t you think? It follows the high school life of this girl, navigating through the challenges posed by bullies and other real-life struggles. However, I got sidetracked! Regardless, my passion for creating fiction remains strong. I sense that there might be a sequel to this tale, although it may not necessarily be directly linked to everything already written. I don’t want to dwell too much on the subject, but I feel compelled to explore additional aspects, possibly in another setting. As of now, I’m working on those ideas. Time will tell! Writing has always been a part of my private world.
This may be a difficult question, but I’m asking for correct phrasing and accuracy. Do you view your relationship with your ex as physically abusive?
I’m still grappling with this situation, unsure if I have a satisfactory explanation or one that could be beneficial. The actions of someone invading my personal space, damaging property, blocking my exit from a room, or creating an intimidating atmosphere, even without physical contact… It feels like emotional coercion, but perhaps it’s not? I question whether I’ve experienced an abusive relationship, though I haven’t been physically harmed. Maybe I have, and I haven’t fully accepted it yet. Maybe I haven’t, as there was no physical violence involved, but there was a predetermined sexual schedule. It’s such a complex situation.
Something that’s not always detailed when cults are discussed is the financial aspect. You share that all of the money you made on “One Tree Hill” was taken from you — at least $2 million — and then “roughly $360,000” in court to fight for your daughter’s custody. Were you hesitant at all about sharing those details?
In a somewhat delicate manner, I’ve chosen not to discuss money due to its awkwardness in conversation. However, I felt compelled to share because there are numerous individuals trapped in harmful relationships, either toxic, abusive, or narcissistic. Often, they can’t leave because of financial constraints, control over finances by their partner, or lack of job skills due to focusing on child-rearing responsibilities. With such a substantial income, I felt it was important not to evoke pity but rather spark thought about the unusual nature of this wealth and the immense challenges faced by those without similar resources. My hope is that people grasp the bizarre lifestyle and enormous paychecks while also recognizing that the same struggles can occur regardless of financial circumstances.
I think it was clear. It wasn’t like you were living this lavish lifestyle.
In an unexpected turn of events, I found myself embroiled in a dramatic confrontation – all because I splurged on a $385 shopping spree at J.Crew, apparently without prior consultation. That spending escapade turned out to be quite the epic battle!
For spending your money.
It was my money! And in comparison — I’m saying this to reiterate — I didn’t live a lavish lifestyle. I didn’t even enjoy it when I had it! I’ve got nothing to hide, nothing to lose at this point. Honestly, it’s all just a big mess. And I feel like we’re in a stage now where people are kind of over the cancel culture idea of jumping on top of everybody for every little thing. I’m gonna say dumb things, I’m gonna make mistakes, I’m gonna not do everything perfectly, and I really hope that you will all join me on this journey.
Do you have any relationship with your ex’s family at all?
I am not connected to them in any way, thank the Lord Jesus.
You can buy ‘Dinner for Vampires: Living in a Cult TV Series (Simultaneously in a Real-Life Cult)’ right now” – Interview excerpts, skillfully trimmed and compacted for clarity
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2024-10-22 19:49