The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Tea and Strumpets

As someone who has followed this reality show for years, I must say that Alexis seems to have lost her way in this episode. It’s clear she’s got a bone to pick with Shannon, but her approach is more like a bull in a china shop than a diplomat trying to find peace.

Do you know what is so great about Candy Crush? It’s so basic, it’s so easy, it’s so simple to win. Fighting with Alexis Bellino is like playing Candy Crush. It’s just win after win after win, the phone vibrating in your hand, the candies shooting across the screen, increasing your dopamine and making you feel like you accomplished something even though all you had to do to be successful was like ten short swipes of your index finger. That is what dunking on Alexis is like, and, much like Candy Crush in the middle of the 2010s, I am completely addicted.

Before I savour hating Alexis, let’s discuss Tamra’s departure from Katie’s dinner party first; I mean her stumble out. Tamra shares with us what she knows about Ryan, revealing an Instagram account that provided the details. Oh, Tamra! The internet can be misleading, often filled with inaccuracies or inappropriate content. This recap is more a work of fiction than fact. Take everything you read here with a grain of salt, or perhaps consider it as adult-oriented material, if that’s your thing. I’m not sure what floats your boat (and I’d rather not speculate).

At the table, they inquire about the FBI from Ryan, and Emily Simpson switches to her interrogative-lawyer persona, a role she excels in. However, upon reflection, I’d argue that her most impressive mode is when she’s working for the Innocence Network, an organization dedicated to helping those wrongfully convicted regain their freedom. Recently, she had a meeting with Anthony, a man who was released from prison after serving 18 years for a crime he didn’t commit. Such a situation is truly heartbreaking. Although our political views might differ, I believe everyone can support the cause of freeing innocent people from prison. I admire Emily for her commitment to this organization, and I plan to donate some money to aid their efforts.

Wow, I didn’t realize I sounded so noble in this summary. Let’s get back to our usual gossipy selves! Shall we? Let’s dive into Ryan’s story, the only man on Earth trying to land a Malibu Rum sponsorship. He claims that his buddy Mike, a pro gambler running an illegal bookie business, is under FBI investigation. When someone at the table inquired about the legality of bookies, well, they certainly aren’t! It seems Ryan is cooperating with authorities, which might be best for him, but perhaps he should choose more respectable companions – just a suggestion.

I concur with most of the other women that Tamra’s pattern of excessive drinking, pursuing others, and later apologizing isn’t sustainable. Jenn points out that Tamra may not be loyal to many people, but there could be exceptions like her husband, children, and perhaps even the plastic surgeon who significantly altered her appearance. Despite my affection for Tamra, I can understand why such behavior might grow tiresome, much like Heather’s dress given to Alexis but not Emily.

Regarding our discussion, might we find a way to resolve the dispute between Emily and Heather? I admire how Emily elucidates her thought process to Heather, which seems to suggest that she perceives herself as overweight. Heather calls her delusional and praises her appearance. However, the crux of the matter is: Emily appears attractive, but she fails to recognize it; she cannot appreciate it. Why? Because deep down, a self-critical “overweight Emily” persists within her, making her believe that she’s not worthwhile.

Instead, I’ve decided to express my admiration for Emily in a more constructive manner. I won’t compare her beauty to a lively scene at a bongo factory, but rather acknowledge the radiance and confidence she exudes. I’ll create a slideshow of photos showcasing her stylish outfits and impeccable fashion sense, complementing her on her chic ensembles and fabulous footwear. Instead of exaggerated praise that may come off as insincere, I’ll offer genuine compliments focused on the positive aspects of her appearance and demeanor, making it a more meaningful and personal interaction.

Here’s a possible way of paraphrasing the text in a more natural and easy-to-read language:

The celebration takes place at Shannon Beador’s 60th birthday event (I presume it was the same location as Victoria Denise Gunvalson Jr.’s tea party during season 14). It happens at a teahouse, and Shannon greets everyone by offering them mini London phone booths filled with tea. However, I must caution you not to enter these phone booths; they are inhabited only by urine and the spirits of Victorian chimney sweeps. Afterwards, Shannon removes her dress revealing a sequined Union Jack beneath, and Geri Halliwell miraculously appears, welcoming everyone to a unique screening of Spice World. She informs them all that they’re off to London, and let me tell you, I’m not prepared for these ladies in my adopted city.

Following this, the gathering is disrupted by a flower delivery, containing an actual olive branch among them, which are from Alexis Bellino. She expresses her desire to make peace with Shannon and sends her blessings from Space Jesus or whomever she believes in as a gesture. This marks the second time a Housewife has sent flowers to an event they weren’t invited to this season. The first instance was Margaret Josephs sending a funeral wreath to Teresa Giudice’s home when Teresa had all the women over for a chat, during which they criticized Marge. This clever move by the Housewives was strategic because Marge knew they were gossiping about her, she felt excluded unfairly, and it really bothered Teresa.

The way Alexis behaves is completely ineffective, as there seems to be no purpose or justification for her presence, her flowers, or any accusations being made against anyone. To use an analogy, giving someone flowers might be likened to slapping them in the face and then expecting a grand gesture of gratitude in return. After receiving the flowers, Shannon informs the other women she has composed a text message for Alexis. “Hello, Alexis, this is Shannon Beador,” the message starts. “I am organizing a trip to Europe with my friends, and I thought it was important to clarify that you are not included.” This message is rather sharp, almost like an English person vacationing in Spain making a witty remark.

Instead of delivering the message, Jenn and Katie opt to visit Alexis’s home and clarify it in a way simple enough for Alexis, who often finds Bluey’s plots confusing, to understand. Upon their arrival, they ask Alexis to retrieve her phone to read the message. She heads upstairs and queries John about the whereabouts of her phone. This elusive chicken refuses to descend from its roost, even to discuss this matter on camera. Although we criticized Tamra and Ryan for using the term “little bitches” in the last episode, if I were ever to employ such a phrase, I can think of no one else it would apply to more fittingly.

I would like to refute all of Alexis’s arguments about the text one by one. “Hold on. Why?” Alexis shouts about not being invited, standing up and stretching her arms to the heavens like she’s Moses about to accept the tablets. Easy, because your boyfriend is suing Shannon maliciously, and she would rather not ruin her entire trip. “I’m extending an olive branch, and I’m always getting shit on,” she says. Correct, but the olive branch was entirely ceremonial and in Alexis’s best interest. She has no interest in making amends with Shannon, and everyone knows it. And I don’t see how she is being shit upon, especially when she acts like this and people still want her around.

In simpler terms, instead of expressing her desire for peace directly when they started filming, she chose a different approach. Instead of asking Shannon for a more cordial work relationship, she initiated conflict, publicly humiliated Shannon, and then feigned innocence as if she were the one being wronged. Additionally, if she truly seeks group harmony, encouraging her partner to cease legal actions against Shannon Storms Beador might be beneficial.

Alexis wonders why she’s so fixated on something, she queries. Well, it’s the lawsuit, you absolute goofball. She even gave your friend as much money as he desired, but he refused. Eventually, John appears on camera in a confessional – to avoid any confrontation – and claims that the deadline for filing the lawsuit was approaching, so he had no other choice but to sue Shannon. Yes, he truly had no other option. She presented him with a check! He could have simply cashed it and allowed everyone to move forward with their lives.

She’s wondering if this predicament stemmed from her actions regarding the borrowed money. If she hadn’t borrowed and promptly returned it, we wouldn’t be in this situation now, wouldn’t you agree? However, Shannon didn’t initially see it as a loan, but when she understood it was one and they threatened to disclose embarrassing videos about her, she promised to repay. The reason we find ourselves in this predicament is that John refused to settle the lawsuit. It’s not just about the money; it’s about humiliating Shannon, something he couldn’t achieve if he settled.

Eventually, Alexis makes it clear that she’s leaving the group, and I must admit, I’m okay with that. It’s strange how Katie and Jenn, the ones Alexis isn’t particularly close with, are the ones breaking this news and trying to persuade her to stay. After Alexis announces her decision, she heads towards her front door, silently opening it, and waits for Katie and Jenn to depart. Once they’re gone, she slams the door shut, unable to politely ask, “This is quite overwhelming. Could we discuss this later?” Instead, Alexis is convinced that her time on the show has come to an end, so she won’t even feign politeness towards these women.

Katie and Jenn find themselves standing in the driveway, utterly bewildered. They gaze up at Alexis’s house, as it begins to emit a soft glow around its edges. The ground suddenly trembles, car alarms blare, and the light intensifies dramatically. It now bursts from all the windows, piercing through blinds and curtains that flash like a myriad of eyes, illuminating the entire neighborhood. Then, the light emerges from the foundation, the front door, and even the garages as the house ascends into the night sky, soaring upward like a balloon released by a young child, veering towards the heavens but with an unsteady path. It seems that Jesus Juggs is on her way to eternal rest, and I hope that, after three days, everyone informs her of her demise, prompting her to finally rest.

2024-10-04 06:54

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Tea and Strumpets

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