Well, well, well! If it ain’t my favorite Loni Love gracing our screens with her charm and wit! Now, let me tell ya, I’ve been a fan of hers since the days of Cleveland, so seeing her on Drag Race was like finding an old friend at a family reunion. And that Bachelor reference? Classic Loni, pure gold!


Would you help Pascal with his laundry? It’s rumored that he’s offering a hundred dollars. We’re now at the point in the process where we’re carefully selecting contestants, and although one of my favorites was eliminated this week, Pascal managed to stay in the competition for another day. This week, we discovered some interesting facts about him, like the fact that he hasn’t done his own laundry for four decades and that he prefers to sleep without clothes on – details I could have lived without knowing.

The gentlemen have now taken residence in the spacious mansion, allowing them to inspect their sleeping quarters. One individual remarks, “This property is immense,” a classic dad-like comment that hasn’t been heard in the Bachelor series before. Jack is thrilled about the bar by the pool. Upon seeing the bunk bed, someone exclaims, “This is quite unique,” which seems fitting for my reaction too. No one seems eager to claim the top bunk, not only because they aren’t children, but also because frequent nighttime bathroom trips make it less appealing, and who wants to navigate a ladder for that? Eventually, Charles steps up, as he often does. Charles, I hope you return home to a queue of admirers, similar to the nannies in Mary Poppins. Then you can select your favorite and inform the others, “The position has been filled.” You truly deserve it, Charles.

There are five females at my residence if you include our two feline companions. Consequently, I’m not well-versed in men’s style, but let me share that there’s an abundance of polo shirts among this group. They resemble typical attire for a first date, which invites Gary, Bob, Jonathan, Charles L, Mark, Jordan, Keith, and Guy. These eight gentlemen will accompany Joan to the prom, each getting a chance to choose a tacky tuxedo. Keith remarks that he feels like a magician, showing self-awareness. The only one who appears stunning is Gary, who chose a gold tuxedo. Jonathan, a man yet to attend a prom and whom we hear frequently in this episode, decides against wearing a shirt beneath his jacket.

I skipped my high school prom, primarily because it was a Christian school with a ban on dancing (similar to the film Footloose) and we had to organize our own, unofficial events. Additionally, it took place on my birthday, and I opted to watch Matrix Reloaded for the fifth time instead. No regrets! This prom isn’t all bad; however, it does have an unusual tradition where men are forced to perform embarrassing solo dances for Joan and a crowd of strangers. Yet, even this is tolerable because they managed to get Taylor Dayne to sing. Wow! I didn’t know who she was before Tig Notaro’s lengthy joke about her, but now she’s someone I appreciate. The same goes for everyone who loves her music, and undeniably for Tig Notaro too. Having Taylor Dayne perform “Tell It to My Heart” is far superior to the typical franchise practice of showcasing some random country artist endorsed by that week’s sponsor.

Joan converses with a group of individuals, and I must say, both she and Mark are quite endearing. It transpires that Bob’s daughter identifies as gay. What impresses Joan most about Bob is his open-mindedness. Well, the times have indeed changed, but everyone follows their own path. Intriguingly, Bob later adds a touch of humor to the episode by commenting that his Thanksgiving gathering has become “Dr. Bob and twenty-seven lesbians.” Undoubtedly, someone will be bringing homemade hummus to this event, and it’s bound to be quite delicious.

Jonathan expresses his disappointment about missing out on his prom, a sentiment made more poignant by the narrative’s emphasis. Despite the repeated focus, the underlying tale is heart-rending. As the solitary student of color at his Catholic high school, he had asked a girl to the prom. Unfortunately, she changed her mind a week before the event. He laments that this decision “shattered” his self-esteem and that this night held significant importance for him. What a shame, Jonathan! I wish you were wearing a shirt beneath your tuxedo!

Charles L. is sitting on the sidelines, and I need someone to go talk to Charles. He opens up to Joan about his wife passing away six years ago from a brain aneurysm and how he shut down until his daughters reminded him that he doesn’t have to be sad for the rest of his life. Charles L. and Joan talk about allowing themselves to be happy, and later he calls his daughter on the phone and tells her he went to prom and is having fun. CHARLES, I LOVE YOU.

In this event, Joan selects a Prom King who receives the coveted group date rose. Initially, I was almost certain that Charles would be crowned, but I can appreciate why Jonathan was chosen instead, as it adds depth to the storyline. Regardless, I’m thrilled for Jonathan’s success. Additionally, I hope to witness Charles being named Prom King and hearing the crowd’s roar of approval. Later on, he shares this with his daughters, giving them a smile.

In this episode, we’ve got two more dates to tackle next, so let’s proceed. The fellow who seems fit for the role of the mayor in a “Footloose” town is chosen for the one-on-one outing, and they decide to visit Disneyland. Now listen, I may not be a full-fledged Disney enthusiast, but I’m certainly not anti-Disney either. In fact, I relish the idea of exploring Disneyland without any children tagging along. Kids can sometimes hinder the enjoyment, especially when it comes to riding attractions like “It’s a Small World” multiple times in a row. What fun is that ruined by a child complaining about being bored? Boredom, I ask you, in the face of whimsy? To sum up, I endorse this date, but I’m not fond of it being Chock because I can’t quite trust him. And just to clarify, his name is indeed Chock.

Joan and Chock encounter Mickey and Minnie, take a spin on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, explore Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge, and converse with R2-D2. Chock reveals that he frequently visits Florida, to which Joan responds, “I bet you do!” As fellow fishing enthusiasts, they both seem thrilled about this outing. Joan is thoroughly enjoying her time with Chock, somehow. They dine at 21 Royal, a $18,000 reservation within Disneyland, so let’s hope they enjoyed the experience. Chock describes the day as “a blessing,” and they share stories of losing partners and how she feels secure again. Joan develops a strong bond with Chock, and he receives a rose. Well, I suppose it was a memorable date for them.

We’re moving on to the second group date, known as the Golden Talent Showcase. Kim is all set because he has a song already rehearsed. The special judge for this event is Loni Love, and I’m thrilled about that! Loni Love is famous for some of my favorite moments in Drag Race, and I can’t help but get excited when Drag Race and The Bachelor cross paths. She looks fabulous and comments that she hasn’t seen such handsome men since she was in Cleveland. Now, that’s classic Loni!

As a movie enthusiast, I attended an eclectic variety show where the acts were as diverse as they come! Gregg cracked some decent jokes, Charles K. demonstrated his impressive wood-punching skills – though he unintentionally landed a punch on poor ol’ me, oof! Christopher dazzled us with his yo-yo mastery, Michael recited a poem, and Gil juggled deftly.

Initially, Kim believes he’s about to secure the victory, but suddenly Dan steps in, who has been silently commentating throughout the event, sharing his struggle with a tremor that he hadn’t disclosed before. However, things take an unexpected turn as Dan performs a relatively ordinary ribbon dance, leaving everyone astonished and exclaiming, “Wow!” Consequently, Dan emerges victorious, while Kim and his oversized digital watch are left disappointed.

Instead of hosting a cocktail gathering, we opt for a poolside barbecue instead. Pascal and Jack share their culinary insights, and honestly, I find their opinions credible since Pascal is French, and Jack manages a catering business! However, they are depicted as meddling busybodies, and we’re meant to view their advice with skepticism. No one jumps into the pool except for Jack, who seems to be having a blast. Joan conducts private conversations with everyone, including Gil, which I thought was unusual given the restraining order situation. The show unexpectedly delves into a discussion about how much his wife adored ‘The Bachelor.’ A character I don’t want any screen time reduced for is Gary. Joan gifts him a framed photo of their prom moment, and he affectionately calls her Sunshine while she nicknames him Goldy. Although I don’t foresee them as a romantic pair, I appreciate the newfound endearments they share.

Mark shares with Joan his time spent in Germany and tests her knowledge of some German words, including one that implies a romantic gesture. When Joan consents, Mark suggests it would have been better if he had asked for it earlier. Mark finds it more amusing to express such requests in German. It might indeed be the case.

Who among us is leaving this week? Four team members are departing, and Joan has been given an emotional cape by the costume department for this scene. The roses go to: Mark, Gary, Pascal, Jordan, Charles K., Keith, Gil (booo), Charles L., Kim, Gregg, and Guy. Unfortunately, we’re saying goodbye to Michael, Bob, Christopher, and JACK. Joan expresses how much fun Jack is, and he responds with a wink as the other guys cheer him on. Jack has nothing but positive feelings about his time here; he enjoyed every moment, and it was truly special. He starts singing “My Way” once more, and Christopher joins in. In closing, Jack says, “It was a blast,” and I’ll miss you, Jack.

Golden Bachelorette Scoring

Each week, I’ll award 10 points, a star, and a thumbs-up using the “Beach Games” system similar to Michael Scott. Plus, there’s a fun twist: one lucky individual gets to take a dip in a chocolate river!

• 10 Points: To Bob and his Marina Peninsula Home for Wayward Lesbians.

• Gold Star: To Charles L. for every moment he’s on screen.

• Kudos to Gregg for taking those blows like a champ, not only from the chest punch but also the strike from bare-fisted Pascal due to his loud snoring.

• Pushed into a Chocolate River: GIL, DON’T HARASS WOMEN.

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2024-09-26 05:56