Make Jersey New Again

As a longtime fan of the Jersey Shore and Housewives franchises, I can’t help but weigh in on these intriguing ideas!

Andy Cohen, our dark overlord, has been expressing concerns for quite some time now about the filming methods used in the last season of “Real Meatballs of Chicken Parm Farms.” He’s hinted that when the show returns for its 15th season, there will be significant changes, including new cast members. However, whether this change will be a full-scale overhaul like we saw with “RHONY” or a more gradual transformation like the upcoming season of “RHOA,” which will feature some familiar faces alongside fresh ones, is still uncertain. We can be certain that the show will indeed return for another season.

In my imaginary role as Bravo’s decision-maker (grateful that I’m not since Captain Jason might serve drinks without a shirt on every episode of WWHL), here are the potential situations I’d mull over, their advantages and disadvantages, along with the possibility that they could play out in reality, where I am merely an overthinking internet user fixated on Housewives.

Team Teresa Wins

Cast: Teresa, Jen Aydin, Dolores, Jackie, and Fresh Faces to Be Named Later (FFTBNL)

The supporters of Tre believe that the show wouldn’t be as good without Teresa, and by making her the main focus again, we can preserve the legacy of the franchise while also shining a light on one of the most impactful Housewives ever.

As a devoted film buff, I’d often find myself saying, “Sure, the show may be Teresa-centric, but that doesn’t necessarily make it good.” The issue with Teresa lies in her self-proclaimed ownership of the show, which leads her to expect unquestioning loyalty from her co-stars. Regrettably, this dynamic persists, regardless of the fresh faces drawn into her sphere.

Likelihood: Slim

Team Melissa Wins

Cast: Melissa, Margaret, Danielle, Rachel, Jenn Fessler, Dolores, and FFTBNL

Advantages: This group appears to possess an authentic, enjoyable vibe and has demonstrated the ability to provide both comedic relief and subtle conflicts essential for a compelling season; Marge’s actions (such as sending real-time screenshots, the funeral flower trick) were the driving force behind the season. The promotion of Jenn Fessler to full-time status might allow us to witness more of her musical talents.

Drawback: It might prove challenging for Melissa to take the spotlight in this series due to her difficulties in developing captivating personal storylines (such as the non-existent long-lost sister). Moreover, if Melissa is present, it implies Joe Gorga will be there too, and some fans have grown weary of the significant involvement of the New Jersey husbands in the series.

Likelihood: Decent

The End of the Gorga/Giudice Dynasty

Cast: Margaret, Danielle, Rachel, Jenn Fessler, Dolores, Jen Aydin, and FFTBNL

Advantages: It’s clear to everyone that the constant conflict between Teresa and Luis on one side, and Joe and Melissa on the other, is negatively impacting the show. Freeing the rest of the cast from this dynamic might unveil previously unexplored aspects of the women, compelling them to seek new sources of conflict. Specifically, the absence of Teresa could benefit Jennifer Aydin, a strong Housewife who has been aligned with the less favored group.

One potential rephrasing could be: Drawbacks: At its heart, every franchise revolves around a central theme, and for Jerz, that’s family. If the show doesn’t maintain a strong familial dynamic, it might become even more lost in its direction.

Likelihood: I wouldn’t bet on it

The Youngs Win

Cast: Rachel, Danielle, and FFTBNL

Recently, Bravo has been leaning towards casting younger Housewives, and the two newer cast members not only benefit from their youth, but also appear to have a strong friendship, making them open to welcoming a new group of women. Additionally, Danielle’s turbulent family life may help keep the show fresh and engaging by providing ongoing drama.

Drawback: They aren’t the most prominent pair within the cast, and their absence might take away the historical context or original cast members that are crucial for maintaining the sense of history on which Housewives shows often rely. Perhaps we could consider bringing in Lauren Manzo, Caroline’s daughter, to maintain a connection with the past?

Likelihood: A good chance

Teresa Gets a Spinoff

Cast: Teresa, a red-faced rage monster, and her dorters

Advantages: Matt Rogers openly stated to Andy Cohen that Teresa Giudice is the one making Jersey devoid of fun. Suppose the cast remained unchanged, but Teresa was excluded? The idea of a spin-off could be intriguing instead of outright termination. I’m not convinced that Teresa and her family are captivating enough, but a season dedicated to Crappie Lake, featuring Teresa Giudice and Jen Aydin, could offer an amusing alternative. In this setting, they might engage in entertaining and absurd activities within a small town. Perhaps their antics would be enjoyable, or even comical, especially since Teresa appears less intelligent at times. Could we perhaps present them with another challenge to keep things interesting?

Counterpoint: Indeed, the Tre Huggers can be seen as a powerful virtual force, but I’ve consistently argued that they represent a vocal yet potentially small segment of the audience. This could mean insufficient viewership to support a spinoff. However, if they grant her a show and it flops, wouldn’t Bravo then be absolved from any responsibility?

Likelihood: Please, please, please let Teresa be fired.

Hard Reboot

Cast: All FFTBNL

In the wake of “The Sopranos,” Jersey was primarily known for its mafia-adjacent Italian Americans, but when “RHONJ” debuted in 2009, it skillfully expanded on both aspects, making the show more about family drama than organized crime. However, with the former becoming outdated and somewhat culturally insensitive, and the latter leading to a decade of intense family feuds, let’s imagine a different path for this series. How about if it took a complete turn and focused on a group of young families who left New York City during the pandemic? It could explore their struggles in the suburbs, offering viewers a fresh perspective on Jersey life. This reimagined show would provide an opportunity to reveal another side of Jersey that we haven’t seen before.

Drawbacks: The cast boasts some real standouts, and it’s unfortunate if we let them go without making the most of their talents. Given Bravo’s limited use of the original RHONY cast since the reboot, I’m not convinced they will optimally leverage the existing talent pool. However, I trust the casting team to discover a group of promising newcomers from New Jersey.

Likelihood: Decent

A Wild-Card Suggestion

Cast: Amanda Batula, Kyle Cooke, and FFTBNL

Pros: Okay, here’s my crazy suggestion: Summer House’s Jersey native Amanda Batula has been trying to get Kyle Cooke to move to the suburbs and start a family for years. They only have so many good summers left (a la Carole Radziwill) on their current show, why not craft a whole new show around the pair of them? You know Amanda keeps in touch with her high school friends who still live in Jersey, and with Kyle around we could still have an emphasis on the husbands.

Drawback: Not every “Housewives” audience member is fond of “Summer House“, which could result in significant viewer loss. Although Amanda plays the emotional core of “Summer House“, it’s Kyle who provides the drama and excitement required for a successful reality show. Bravo would need to introduce other fiery personalities around Amanda to create a truly compelling dynamic.

Likelihood: Not in a million years, but it would be a dream come true.

2024-08-24 01:55