Will Arnett Will Retire When He Has $19 Billion

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The Maria Bamford Questionnaire is a set of 25 questions created by the popular comedian to reveal unexpected things about the people who answer them. This time, it features Will Arnett, the actor, comedian, and host of the “Smartless” podcast. He’s famous for playing memorable characters like Gob Bluth in “Arrested Development” and BoJack Horseman in the animated series of the same name. Arnett also co-wrote and stars in “Is This Thing On?”, a new film directed by Bradley Cooper, which will premiere on October 10th at the New York Film Festival.

1.
What do you like to eat and/or drink right before bed?

I don’t generally eat anything before bed, but, stupidly, I’ll usually drink sparkling water.

2.
What would your religion be like if you could make up your own?

The goal is to create something completely non-political and avoid giving instructions or telling people what to think. Instead, it will emphasize love, genuine connection, and kindness between people.

3.
If you had to be the face of a product, what would you choose?

Okay, so I’m officially making a wish list! I’m just putting it out there into the universe, visualizing all the amazing things I want. Honestly, I have pretty expensive taste – I love the finer things in life. If I could have anything, it would definitely be things like Loro Piana and Rolex. And hey, a little help from my friends at NetJets wouldn’t hurt either! Why not dream big and go for everything luxurious, right?

4.
What’s your most repetitive, long-term fear?

I don’t think that I have one. Maybe — this is going to sound corny — not being loved?

5.
What just happened in your life?

I’ve grown a lot in the past year, especially in understanding myself. At 55, I feel more comfortable and authentic than ever before. This came from a deeply enlightening spiritual experience and a willingness to let go of old beliefs. It’s allowed more love and positive things into my life, fueled by self-reflection and my relationships with my children. While I’m not sure others notice, my friends seem to recognize this change in me. I feel more connected to something larger than myself and trust that there’s a bigger picture unfolding.

6.
What is the last thing you read? Labels, Us Weekly, and texts count. Can you give us the gist of what you learned?

Okay, so the *very* last thing that popped into my inbox? It was an email from Wrangler – a quick 25% off deal on jeans, plus free shipping, but it won’t last forever. Seriously, if you’re in the market for denim, you should check it out now. Just saying!

Just got a text from one of my sons asking if my ex-wife and I could send him some yearbook photos – apparently, they might have already been sent to us! Aside from that, I’m currently reading *Beautiful World, Where Are You* by Sally Rooney, and it’s seriously amazing. It’s been a bit of a slow reading year for me, though. Last year I managed to get through 26 books, but so far this year I’ve only finished six. Things have just been a lot busier at work, and honestly, I’ve been too tired to read at night.

7.
What is the last thing you bought used?

Let me tell you something quickly, and please stay with me. I’m really trying to get this right. So, where did this come from? Honestly, it’s not worth the trouble. Come on, internet, you’re supposed to be helpful! I thought I was ordering a book by Carl Jung, but it turns out it was a used copy of *Christiane F: Autobiography of a Girl of the Streets and Heroin Addict*. Does that title ring a bell? It’s the book the movie *Christiane F.* was based on – you know, the one with music by David Bowie, who even appears in it? It’s about street kids and heroin addicts in West Berlin. Anyway, that’s what showed up – a used copy of that book.

8.
Who was the most difficult person to listen to (for you) recently?

It was probably a disagreement with my friend, Mike. I understand people having different viewpoints, but it’s a problem when someone refuses to even try to understand *why* someone else thinks the way they do. I realized as I was saying that how much this applies to bigger issues overall.

I always try to be the bigger person. My friend Jimmy Vallely used to describe it as approaching things from a position of strength. I need to be mindful of not being overly forceful, even when I believe I’m correct, and that includes holding myself accountable to that standard.

9.
What place will you never return to?

Despair.

10.
If you were without home or ability to earn, do you have anyone you can turn to for shelter and financial support? For how long?

I’m incredibly lucky to have so many wonderful friends. Honestly, having close friends ranks right up there with the most important things in life – even above success or possessions. I truly cherish my friends, and I’m deeply grateful for their love and support. I know people say ‘grateful’ a lot, but in my case, it’s completely genuine. I feel very fortunate to have them in my life.

11.
What TV show or movie would you want to play a part in, and what part would it be?

I’d love to be the villain who finally defeats Jason Bourne – I’m eager to fight Matt Damon! But if that’s going to happen, I’ll need some time to prepare. I’m 55, so getting into Bourne-level physical condition won’t be quick. I’m even open to using a body double to help with some of the more demanding scenes. I envision my character doing something like a quarter-mile sprint, fully armed, without even appearing winded – completely focused and barely breathing. That’s the kind of character I want to play.

12.
What’s something you’d like to quit — a substance, a habit, etc. — and how would you go about it?

I’ve noticed I often use filler words like “uh” and “um,” and I really want to stop. I consider it a personal flaw – something I dislike in myself, though I don’t mind it in others.

13.
If you could take a brain ride in anyone’s consciousness, whose would it be?

Probably one of my kids. I think a lot of parents feel this way, but my children have such a positive and creative way of looking at the world. They constantly surprise me with unexpected ideas, and I often wonder how they come up with them. I could easily compare them to someone like Einstein, but honestly, I don’t want to get bogged down in complex theories and calculations. That would be frustrating and, quite frankly, dull.

14.
What is something you regret doing within the past week?

I had ice cream with hot fudge twice in just three days, which is totally true. I usually control my indulgences, but last night was different. A friend had a huge display of ice cream and hot fudge and, honestly, put it right in front of me like they thought *I* was the only one who’d want it! I couldn’t resist, and now I’m paying for it with a serious sugar crash. I’m trying to remember how good it tasted, but I’m definitely feeling the effects today.

15.
What are you jealous of in a family member?

It’s about not letting comments from family bother you. I used to dwell on past experiences and let them affect how I reacted, but I notice other family members are better at letting things go. I wish I could stop getting so easily upset and just move on.

16.
How many colors has your hair been?

Growing up, my hair went through phases! I was a blonde little kid, then it turned brown. For a while, I even dyed it blonde again – it started because of a job, but honestly, I kept it up for a couple of years pretending it *was* still for work when it wasn’t. Looking back, it was a pretty silly look, and I definitely cringe at those photos now! I think I went through two really distinct hair phases.

17.
If you had to move anywhere outside the U.S., where would you go?

I’ve really been enjoying my time in Portugal. It’s a beautiful country with wonderful people, and I admire their outlook on life. They seem to have a real zest for life – that French concept of *joie de vivre* really applies. Family is important to them. Being there reminds you that not everyone is as stressed and frantic as we are here. It feels like we’re all caught up in making each other crazy, and we could all benefit from just stepping away and taking a break – like needing to leave a hectic Thanksgiving dinner for a walk outside!

18.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever learned from someone you don’t like?

I once had a friend who was having trouble working with a colleague. She called her father, frustrated and unsure if she could continue the working relationship. Her father gave her some great advice: he said that difficult people can actually *teach* you patience. I’ve remembered that story for fifteen years! I try to apply it whenever I’m dealing with challenging individuals – to see them as teachers, helping me practice being patient. Some days are easier than others, but it’s a helpful perspective.

19.
What did you have for breakfast this morning, and is it your usual?

Nothing. And yes.

That’s mostly true. I only had coffee this morning because I was at the dentist for a quick cleaning. Yesterday, I had a bigger breakfast – about four scrambled eggs with bacon, which is more of a weekend thing. Usually, though, I just have a banana with peanut butter. I eat the banana in pieces and scoop the peanut butter onto it with a spoon.

20.
Describe something that was funny to you.

He chuckled. Aside from that, that’s a really funny question! I don’t know, I think a lot of things are funny. I realize that might sound like I’m avoiding the question, and maybe I am.

It strikes me as odd how we all pretend we won’t die. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Everyone seems to act as if they have unlimited time, clinging to possessions and resisting change instead of accepting what’s inevitable.

21.
Describe something that is not funny to you.

Elon Musk is profoundly unfunny. Especially when he tries to be funny.

22.
Describe something that is beautiful to you.

Group connection between people.

23.
Describe something that is ugly to you.

Deliberately being mean and showing a lack of empathy for people less fortunate is bad enough. But it’s especially awful when someone *knows* others are struggling and still chooses to be cruel. That kind of behavior is particularly disturbing.

24.
How much money do you think is “enough” for the whole rest of your life — that you wouldn’t need to work again?

$19 billion.

25.
What do you think is your most likely cause of death?

Gangland murder, execution style.

JK. What is my most likely cause of death? Old age.

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2025-09-24 16:57