Southern Charm Recap: Book Smarts

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The costume someone picks for a fancy dress party can really reveal a lot about them, especially when the party is way over the top. When our friend Whitner (still Whitner, not Whitney, who’s in London and didn’t even invite me to join her!) threw a literary-themed party – everyone had to come as a writer or a character – our friend Molly went all-out as Gandalf. She was completely covered in a huge gray outfit, hat, and beard, hiding her entire body. She looked like a dryer’s lint trap after a load of comfy clothes! Molly’s beautiful, but she always chooses costumes that reflect her true self, kind of like Lindsay Lohan’s hilariously awful costume in Mean Girls.

Venita, who helped with the party preparations, arrived as Medusa, wearing a sparkly green dress and a small cobra crown. However, her costume didn’t quite capture the intimidating look of the mythical Gorgon – she wasn’t turning anyone to stone! It also made people wonder about Medusa’s lower half being reptilian, as she looked more like Cleopatra with a snake-themed hat. Then Salley arrived, spelling her name with an extra ‘E’, dressed as a gunslinging woman reminiscent of Westworld, but she clarified she was actually Kissin’ Kate Barlow from Holes. Since Shep and I weren’t familiar with the book – it came out when we were 24 – it went over our heads. Salley also seemed to forget the party had a literary theme, later shouting, “It was a book first!” This sparked a funny conversation where she asked Shep if he knew “holes,” to which he replied he did, though he joked about being unable to find something else with a lot of effort.

Molly perfectly describes the dynamic between herself and the other women: some put on a show, and others are just themselves. And honestly, we’d all rather hang out with someone genuine. That’s what makes Molly so good to watch – she’s self-aware and authentic. Salley thinks being dramatic makes her good TV, but that gets tiring quickly, while being real is always valuable. I’m definitely #TeamMolly, even with her quirks – like collecting things and her… unusual pet situation! Molly’s upset that Salley gossiped about her at a baby shower and seems to be trying to claim all the guys in town. Salley is annoyed that Molly has a ‘perfect’ name and that Molly talks badly about her to others while still acting like they’re close. But it’s more than just petty drama. It’s a classic clash between someone who tries too hard and someone who’s comfortable being themselves, and they’re likely never going to see eye to eye.

Salley is also struggling to maintain her friendship with Venita. The day after the party, Venita asks Salley if she’s interested in Craig, and Salley gives a vague, flirtatious response, trying to seem uninterested. However, Salley was previously very eager to get Charley to talk to Craig at the party. This suggests she’s either leading Charley on about her interest in Craig, or she’s minimizing her feelings to Venita because she knows Venita dislikes him. Ultimately, Salley is acting poorly. Molly is right about her, and that’s all there is to say – we still love Salley, even with her small tuba and large beard!

Salley is also starting to lose Craig’s attention, as he’s been visiting Charley at the art gallery where she works. The art there seems to be the typical tourist-trap kind – think watercolors of lighthouses or cheesy Eiffel Tower photos. Meanwhile, Craig is specifically looking for a large animal painting, like a tiger, penguin, or polar bear – it’s a bit like he wants to decorate a child’s classroom! He and Charley seem to be connecting, but Charley mentioned she and her mom are “best friends,” which is a bit of a warning sign. It’s wonderful to have a close relationship with your mother, but if she pushes too hard to be a friend as well, it can be hard to establish healthy boundaries. Another concern: Charley dressed up as Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby just to look pretty and admitted to using ChatGPT for costume ideas, just like Craig. It’s strange that she wouldn’t realize Daisy is actually the villain of the story!

Austen is starting to seem like he prefers being single. He tells Craig he’s experiencing FOMO – apparently, that stands for “Fear Of Missing Out,” not what he originally joked! He’s essentially saying he’s content with what he has and doesn’t feel the need to look for something better. Craig, meanwhile, is enjoying casually dating, which makes Austen jealous. Austen also admits to Madison that he doesn’t really miss his girlfriend, Audrey, when she’s gone. Madison argues that you should feel like you can’t function without your partner, but the narrator playfully disagrees, admitting she enjoys her own space when her husband is away. While some personal freedom is good, Madison is likely right that Austen should be more invested in his relationship with Audrey at this point.

The show keeps getting interrupted by glimpses of lavish real estate. We see inside Shep’s new beach house – it’s huge, with four bedrooms and bathrooms, and a $3.5 million price tag. Then there’s Madison’s even more impressive home, boasting six bedrooms, seven bathrooms, a pool, and costing $3.9 million (though her old house was admittedly more charming from the outside). Honestly, all this has taught me is that I need to get on reality TV and make some serious money! Andrew Cohen, are you listening? I’m ready to join RHONY or Ladies of London – I’m happy to bring the drama from in front of the camera to behind it. Just give me a chance and a giant house to go with it!

The highlight of Shep’s home makeover is his designer, Rodrigo. Shep brought Rodrigo to his parents’ house to see if they had any unwanted art, furniture, or decor they’d donate for the project. Typically, designers profit by buying items for clients at a discount and marking them up. But Shep is using free stuff, so how is Rodrigo getting paid? Is he charging an hourly rate? Is his appearance on the show and the resulting storyline enough compensation? Or is he factoring his Bravo salary into what Shep owes him? Regardless of the payment arrangement, Shep’s parents clearly have good taste, and it will be interesting to see what Rodrigo does with the house. It was also amusing to hear Rodrigo joke that Shep’s parents probably expected him to have a wife and family by now, instead of bringing his designer to sort through their old belongings.

Rod appears wearing a “Pretend I’m Don Quixote” T-shirt. Similar to how Molly kept a Gandalf costume for another event, Rodrigo likely had this shirt from a silly, themed party he attended previously – probably something like a “Papi Parade” where everyone dressed as a sexy Spaniard. He realized he could wear it again for a laugh.

Whitner’s Hemingway costume was cute, but a little underwhelming considering it was his party’s theme. Austen stole the show with a playful Hermione Granger – a fun, low-effort drag look more straight guys should try. But Craig really nailed it as Rufio, embodying the kind of elaborate drag many gay men go all-out with on the first night of Halloween. He looked fantastic with a styled pompadour, eye makeup, and a bit of dirt smudged on his arms. The only issues were that most people didn’t recognize his character from Hook, and that it’s a movie, not a book – Rufio wasn’t in the original Peter Pan. I’m already planning my costume for next year: I can’t wait to wear the same thing and complain about everyone dressing as Craig Conover as Rufio from a forgettable episode of Southern Charm – I just hate gay Halloween!

Madison clearly won the costume contest with her amazing Shep Rose impersonation – she even turned his book into a purse! It’s a brilliant costume because, like Shep naming his dog Craig, it’s both flattering and playfully teasing. Madison really understood the assignment, and I admire her confidence in playfully ‘one-upping’ Shep while still paying tribute to him.

The fight at the party isn’t between Shep and Madison, it’s Austen and Craig, and it’s completely pointless. It started over something trivial – maybe some drinks? Austen was being passive-aggressive about Craig using his hot tub with Salley, even though he has every right to. Craig accused Austen of being jealous because he’s single, and then, predictably, escalated things by suggesting Austen is living a lie and should just break up with his girlfriend if he’s unhappy. I’m not sure how it became a full-blown argument, or why I’m even siding with Craig. Next week, we’ll see the fallout, and Madison, dressed as Shep, will dramatically quote Fitzgerald, leaving everyone at the table – including Charley – completely stunned.

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2025-12-04 06:56