Southern Charm Recap: Karma’s a Beach

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Honestly, I’m completely smitten with Whitner, the new guy – despite the unfortunate name and questionable fashion choices. I didn’t even recognize him without his mustache, and I wanted him off-screen immediately. He just seemed…forgettable. But at Salley’s party, wow. He’s got the perfect amount of chest hair, a body that’s fit but still relatable, and a seriously impressive physique. He’s incredibly attractive, to the point where I’m completely obsessed. I’m really hoping Rodrigo, another attractive guy, brings back his beard because that’s the only thing that might distract me right now.

Seriously, I can’t stand Rodrigo worrying about how he looks next to Kory. Rodrigo is incredibly handsome and in great shape – he’s strong and clearly takes care of himself. It’s ridiculous he’d feel insecure! Kory seems way too focused on appearances and dieting, and honestly, not very interested in actually connecting with Rodrigo. Plus, Kory’s outfit at the party was just… a lot. Rodrigo is clearly the more attractive and confident one.

This isn’t a discussion about the drama surrounding Brian, it’s a recap of Southern Charm, so I should probably talk about the actual show. The episode begins with the fallout from Madison’s baby shower. Craig is dealing with a terrible hangover and complaining to his assistant, Jack, who he calls his best friend. Honestly, someone you pay can’t truly be your friend, even if you’re close and care about them. The financial relationship creates a barrier and an imbalance of power. Plus, I’ve decided in my own mind that Jack is in love with Craig. He stays at Craig’s house, wears Paige’s old robe, and pretends they’re married whenever Craig is away on work trips.

The real drama is that Shep, Kory, and Salley took her to Craig’s place after the party, and Salley ended up spending the night with him in the hot tub until 4 a.m. She even texted wanting to stay over, and Craig said she was welcome to. Shep and Austen are calling Craig weak for not pursuing things further. I disagree – I think Craig was being respectful. They’ll be working together for the next three months, and he didn’t want to create an awkward situation. It’s also confusing because we found out Salley was telling people at the party that she and Austen have chemistry and she’d be interested in him as soon as he was single. So, is she into Craig or Austen? It’s clear what Salley really wants though – she’s using this to get on the show.

There’s tension between Salley and her best friend, Venita, because Venita still dislikes Salley’s potential love interest, Craig, while Salley is clearly interested in him. Salley tries to avoid the topic, but during a shopping trip for her party with Venita and Rodrigo, she casually mentions inviting Craig, which upsets Venita. Salley is insensitive, even telling Venita she keeps forgetting they have a feud. She insists she’s not pursuing Craig, just that she finds him attractive, but her texts say otherwise. Rodrigo points out to Venita that Salley is going after Craig, and they have a disagreement, with everyone urging Venita to stay calm and see what’s happening.

The party is at a vacation rental on the beach – seriously, it’s pronounced “V R B O,” not “verbo.” We meet Charley, a friend of Salley’s, whose name seems to be misspelled – maybe an extra ‘e’ or a ‘y’ instead of an ‘i’. Honestly, it’s surprising how many people down South can’t spell. Charley is very attractive, and she’s been dodging Shep’s messages for years. She also finished third in a beauty pageant that Craig judged – which seems to be a pattern, considering anyone who’s with Kory also usually places third. Then there’s Sam, Venita’s friend, who at least spells his name correctly, but has a remarkably large mustache. It’s all getting a bit much – is this a reality TV show or my private feed?

I really can’t stand Salley. She’s at the beach, trying to impress the guys with her football skills, clearly trying to fit in and be seen as ‘one of the boys.’ It’s obvious to Venita that Salley’s whole goal is to attract Craig, regardless of how Venita feels. Venita realizes Salley seems to need constant male attention and validation, something Venita just doesn’t get. Salley prioritizes being liked by men in a way she doesn’t seem to care about connecting with women.

Here’s the surprising part: Craig seems much more interested in flirting with Charley than with Salley. The group decides to play a game of Spike Ball – everyone knows how to play except me, it’s completely new to me! Spike Ball is clearly popular, that’s all there is to it. After Craig, with a lot of help from Charley, gets the game set up, he asks who wants to play against him and Salley. Salley quickly volunteers Kory and Molly, completely leaving Charley out of a game she just helped organize.

Following the game, Charley and Craig are casually talking and hanging out together in the water. While it doesn’t seem like anything serious, Charley appears to be giving Craig more attention than Salley. This leads to a confrontation with Salley, who feels Charley is overstepping. Salley feels like Charley can’t even have a normal conversation with a man she likes without it being a problem, and this explains why Salley struggles to form friendships with other women. Venita points out that men often dominate the social scene.

Okay, let’s talk about Salley invoking “girl code” after that conversation with Craig and Charley. Honestly? The audacity! Where was this supposed “code” when she was actively pursuing the guy who hurt her friend on TV? It’s convenient that it suddenly exists only when things aren’t going her way. Real girl code would have meant staying far away from Craig and making sure Charley did too. It would have meant a firm conversation with Charley – “Until Craig apologizes, we’re not speaking to him.” And definitely no inviting him to anything, considering the ongoing drama with her best friend, a drama she conveniently seems to forget exists. Honestly, Salley wouldn’t recognize girl code if it hit her over the head with a Spike Ball net.

The episode concludes with a surprising twist: Madison LaCroy casually tells Austen’s girlfriend, Audrey, that she believed Salley was attracted to Austen. While this doesn’t immediately cause a conflict between Salley and Audrey, it does make Audrey question the direction of her long-distance relationship with Austen, wondering if they’ve grown too distant. As they discuss this by the ocean, Madison relaxes with a drink, seemingly unfazed. The scene is set with a dramatic backdrop of a stormy Atlantic. Suddenly, a mysterious figure emerges from the waves and approaches Madison. It’s Ursula, the Sea Witch, who gives Madison a quick high-five without a word before returning to the ocean, hinting that sometimes, the most damaging weapon isn’t anger, but gossip and unspoken truths.

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2025-11-27 06:55