4 Earth-Shattering Events That Might Just Wreck Crypto Markets This Week! 🚀

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Ah, brace yourselves, dear Earthlings! This week promises to be as volatile as a three-headed llama in high heels, with not one, but two inflation reports crashing into the scene like an overexcited sloth. And, oh, let’s not forget our old friend, retail sales data, who often arrives fashionably late.

Last week’s economic reports were like a mixed bag of space marbles, revealing a robust economy and bloated inflation. This delightful combination supports the Federal Reserve’s decision to keep its rate cuts tucked away in its cosmic sock drawer for the time being.

Meanwhile, The Kobeissi Letter, striving to instill both fear and fascination, announced that trade war headlines are sticking around longer than a stubborn piece of gum on your favorite shoe.

Crypto markets, after a lazy weekend, decided to join the retreat party, starting Monday morning in Asia with all the enthusiasm of a cat in a bathtub.

Economic Happenings, Feb. 10 to 14

On Monday, President Donald Trump will roll out yet another grand tariff announcement, declaring a dazzling 25% tariff on all steel and aluminum imports, even from our good buddies in Canada and Mexico. Because, really, who wouldn’t want to play a game of ‘who can raise prices faster?’ 🎉

He’ll also tease us with whispers of “reciprocal tariffs.” Ooh, sounds fancy, right? Expect more details on Tuesday or Wednesday, just to keep the suspense alive. It’s like a cliffhanger from a third-rate sci-fi novel.

Wednesday will grace us with January’s Core CPI report, a delightful little creature that gives us a glimpse into inflation trends—presumably while sipping tea and wearing a monocle.

This will be followed by January’s PPI report on Thursday, which is just as thrilling, as it reveals input prices for producers. It’s like watching paint dry, only the paint is more expensive than your monthly mortgage.

And then, on Friday, we’ll be treated to January’s Retail Sales report. Because nothing says economic health quite like scouring the remnants of post-holiday shopping sprees!

The Key Events This Week (Lean in, folks!):

1. Trump’s Tariff Show-and-Tell – Monday

2. Fed Chair Powell Plays the Monetary Policy Game – Tuesday/Wednesday

3. January CPI Inflation Extravaganza – Wednesday

4. January PPI Inflation Amusement – Thursday

5. January’s Retail Sales Showdown – Friday

6. ~20% of S&P 500 companies presumably holding their breath…

— The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) February 9, 2025

And let’s not forget, our good buddy Fed Chair Jerome Powell will be performing his semi-annual monetary policy testimony for Congress. Will that ratchet up the volatility? Only the space-time continuum can tell.

Also noteworthy is that Coinbase, the gigantic crypto exchange that often resembles a bustling marketplace on a weekend, will report its earnings on Thursday. Stay tuned!

Crypto Markets Slip Away

As for the crypto market, it’s taking a trip down a slippery slope, dropping more than 3% today, leaving it gasping at a mere $3.23 trillion—because every trillion counts, right? 💸

Bitcoin took a dramatic dive below $95,000 late on Sunday but, like a resilient superhero, bounced back to a solid $97,000 on Monday morning. Talk about a rollercoaster ride!

Ethereum, on the other hand, is having a little existential crisis, dropping 2.4% to $2,575 before mustering enough courage to recover to over $2,630—screaming ‘but I swear I’m still valuable!’ while losing about 20% over the last fortnight.

And in one shining moment of collective woe, altcoins continue to bleed, with XRP, Dogecoin, Cardano, Stellar, Shiba Inu, and Sui all present and accounted for in the ‘Currencies Weep Club’.

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2025-02-10 09:48