🚨 Bitcoin Whale Gets Cold Feet: MicroStrategy’s $5.9B Loss Makes Saylor Think Twice! 🐋

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Weight: Lost -$5.91B (v.v. bad)

Cigarettes: 0 (v.g.)

Bitcoin purchases this week: 0 (v. concerning)

Times fantasized about throttling crypto critics: 8,749 (could do better)

Dear Diary, 🤔

Absolutely mortifying day. Strategy (formerly known as MicroStrategy, though who are we kidding, it’s basically The Michael Saylor Bitcoin Adventure™) has done something utterly shocking – nothing! Yes, nothing! For the first time since forever, we haven’t bought any Bitcoin or sold any common stock. Feel like complete failure. Already have $5.91B in unrealized losses. Gaaaaah! 😫

9:00 AM: Checked Bitcoin price. Wanted to cry into morning coffee.

10:00 AM: Considered buying more Bitcoin. Remembered bank balance. Decided against it (v. responsible).

Since darling Michael (must remember to stop calling him that in public) started this whole Bitcoin buying spree, we’ve become rather like that friend who can’t stop talking about their CrossFit routine – everyone knows about it, and everyone’s a bit worried. 🏋️‍♂️

Cannot help but wonder if this is what Bridget Jones would do if she were running a tech company. Probably not. She’d at least have wine. 🍷

Most humiliating moment came when Edward Farina (v. bad man) said something absolutely ghastly about Michael’s “God complex.” How dare he! Though must admit, average BTC cost basis of $67,500 does sound a bit like when bought those designer shoes on sale – seemed like bargain at time, now just reminder of poor life choices. 😅

Resolution for tomorrow:

  • Stop checking Bitcoin price every 3 minutes
  • Consider diversifying (ha!)
  • Maybe actually listen to financial advisors (v. unlikely)
  • Find out what ETF means and why people keep using it to bet against us 😤

Must dash – Michael’s giving another Twitter space talk about Bitcoin being digital energy or something. V. confusing but must pretend to understand. Will buy more Bitcoin when rich again or when inner voices stop screaming “NO!” Whichever comes first. 🚀

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2025-04-08 02:11