😴 BTC Dozes Off While Altcoins Dance: Weekly Crypto Shenanigans!

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In a performance as thrilling as watching paint dry, Bitcoin‘s price remains as static as a petrified toad, unchanged from last Sunday’s rather underwhelming figure.

Altcoins, however, have been more akin to a tipsy ballerina, with ETH executing a graceful leap back above the $2,000 barrier, while DOGE teeters precariously on the brink of a dive below the $0.17 abyss.

BTC‘s Nap at $84K

As the chart appended to this article illustrates with all the excitement of a tax return, BTC’s price began the week at $84,000, only to embark on a brief southern sojourn. The nadir was reached at a modest $81,000 as traders awaited the FOMC meeting with bated breath and a touch of ennui.

Upon the revelation that the Fed was as likely to change interest rates as a sloth is to win a sprint, BTC experienced a momentary spasm of volatility before soaring to a multi-week zenith of over $87,000 during the Asian trading session. A veritable rollercoaster of emotion, it was.

Alas, this high was as fleeting as a politician’s promise, and the bears soon had their way, dragging the asset back down to a rather pedestrian $83,000. Yet, BTC managed to cling to this level like a barnacle to a ship, returning to its original $84,000 perch. The weekend has been as eventful as a silent film festival.

Its market cap remains as steadfast as a British butler at $1.670 trillion, though its dominance has waned to a mere 58.3%, much to the chagrin of the BTC faithful.

ETH’s Ascension Above $2K

In a week where market moves were as scarce as hen’s teeth, we turn our gaze to the weekly shenanigans. Ethereum has managed a sprightly 4% rise, propelling it back into the arms of the $2,000 embrace. Tron and Toncoin have emerged as the darlings of the larger-cap alts, bounding up by 9% and 6.5%, respectively, like overexcited puppies.

UNI, APT, KBT, AAVE, GT, and HYPE have led the charge from the mid-cap alts, while Pi Network’s PI token has taken a rather dramatic nosedive, plummeting over 32% to a meager $1. Ouch.

Solana, Cardnao, and Dogecoin have also found themselves in the doldrums, with losses as disheartening as a wet weekend at the seaside.

The total crypto market cap remains as stationary as a traffic jam at $2.870 trillion on CG. Riveting stuff.

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2025-03-23 11:09