Oh look, the crypto markets are doing their usual somersault down the rabbit hole again! Capitalization? Down to $2.8 trillion, which is so March 2024. You know, back when the White House was more crypto-skeptic than a Luddite at a blockchain conference.
On March 13, the ever-so-eloquent Zach Rynes from the Chainlink community called it the “most bizarre clown market” he’s ever seen. And honey, he’s seen some clowns.
“We’ve had the most bullish catalysts since, like, ever in crypto-land, but the macro conditions are so spooky they’re suppressing the good vibes faster than a wet blanket at a campfire,” he lamented.
Even the US government, which used to be more anti-crypto than a tech-phobic grandpa, is now all “Hey, crypto’s cool, man!” But the markets? Down 26%. That’s a trillion dollars, folks. Poof! Just like that.
The Bear Market’s Back, Baby!
Zach listed all the crypto-loving fundamentals, like the US getting its own Bitcoin piggy bank and stablecoin rules that are clearer than a Britney Spears’ breakdown. You’d think that’d be enough to keep the crypto-party going, right?
And yet, macro influences are throwing a wet blanket on the fun. Trump’s trade wars and recession fears are the buzzkills of the century.
“Trade wars and tariffs are as relevant to crypto as a dinosaur at a tech startup. It’s all just one big macro shitshow,” Zach grumbled.
Santiment, the blockchain analytics firm, noticed that trade volumes are like a deflated balloon lately. It’s like everyone’s too tired to party.
“After weeks of market cap declines, traders are exhibiting all the enthusiasm of a sloth on a lazy Sunday,” they quipped.
Crypto’s Crystal Ball: Cloudy with a Chance of Tears
The crypto downtrend that started in January is still going strong, like a bad cold that just won’t quit.
Bitcoin’s had a tiny rebound, but let’s face it, $84,000 isn’t exactly a goldmine. Ethereum‘s been flattened like a pancake, and the altcoins? Let’s just say it’s not a good look for them.
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2025-03-13 10:37