Your Bank Just Got Hacked 😱

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So, apparently, Summit National Bank had a little…situation. A situation involving someone getting into their email, which, let’s be honest, feels about as secure as leaving your diary under your mattress. 🤔 This wasn’t just any peek either; they made off with the good stuff. Names, Social Security numbers, account details-basically everything a person needs to ruin your life, or at least apply for a credit card in your name. Wonderful.

Now, they’re offering $400,000 to make it all better. $400,000. That’s…something. It works out to roughly the cost of a small island if you ignore the buying part, or, you know, a slightly above-average luxury watch. They’re calling it a settlement, which is a polite way of saying “we messed up, but aren’t taking full responsibility.” 😇

The incident itself occurred sometime between May 13th and May 16th of 2024. It took them a day to notice something was amiss. A day. One imagines the IT department was busy updating their social media profiles or perhaps hosting a very important office bake sale. 🍪

If you were affected, and have receipts-and I mean actual receipts, not just the vague feeling of impending doom-you can attempt to recoup up to $5,000. Which, frankly, won’t cover the therapy bills after realizing your life is potentially compromised, but hey, it’s a start. 👍

There’s also the promise of $175, although it’s “tentatively” $175, meaning they’ll calculate it “pro rata” which, if you’re like me, requires Googling. (It means you’ll probably get $12.43). And three years of credit monitoring. Because nothing says “we value your trust” like constantly reminding you how vulnerable you are.

You have until February 17th, 2026, to file a claim. Plenty of time to forget, then panic, then scramble for documentation. The final hearing is April 21st, 2026, presumably to finalize how little they’ll actually pay out.

And the best part? Summit National Bank insists they did nothing wrong. It’s like spilling coffee on someone and then claiming you weren’t holding the cup. Truly, a masterclass in corporate deflection. 👏

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2025-12-20 13:22