You Won’t Believe What Happened in Crypto This Week! 😱

Ah, crypto, the electronic soap opera that ensures we have something to gossip about while we’re stuck in yet another political traffic jam. Who needs reality TV when you’ve got market fluctuations and regulatory delays to keep you on the edge of your IKEA chair? 🍿

This week, the crypto industry juggled more balls than a circus clown-dog that bit someone on the ankle, anyone? We had delays in Washington, bold moves in Asia, and fresh regulation squabbles that were juicier than grandma’s holiday fruitcake. Let’s dive into the chaos, shall we?

#1 U.S. Shutdown Puts Spot Crypto ETF Timeline Into Question

The U.S. government decided to take a little nap on October 1, and surprisingly, it was crypto that got the cold shoulder. Journalist Eleanor Terrett, bless her heart, broke the news about how spot ETFs now require a golden ticket from the SEC-good luck finding that one. Apparently, survival in crypto is all about waiting for a bureaucrat to wake up. Bill Morgan, the legal wizard, waxed poetic about potential delays while keeping his fingers crossed for some last-minute October approvals.

As he put it: “Crypto never fails to surprise.” Yes, much like a toddler with a finger in a socket!

#2 Ripple CTO David Schwartz Steps Down

In other news, Ripple’s resident tech genius, David Schwartz, is stepping back from his day-to-day grind. After over 13 glorious years, he plans to dabble in family activities and hobbies. Can’t blame him-have you seen those Pokemon cards?

But fear not, he’ll still haunt the board of directors as CTO Emeritus. Ripple’s CEO, Brad Garlinghouse, called him “a true OG in crypto.” Let’s be honest, if crypto had a Hall of Fame, Schwartz’s face would be right next to a block of mined Bitcoin.

The smartest (and maybe the funniest) person I know. Legend? Absolutely! Thank you, David, for not making this industry a complete dumpster fire. – Brad Garlinghouse (@bgarlinghouse) September 30, 2025

#3 25,000 Gather in Singapore for TOKEN2049

Meanwhile, TOKEN2049 in Singapore attracted an astonishing 25,000 attendees-because nothing says “growing global adoption” like a massive gathering of crypto nerds wearing hoodies. 🥳 Day 1 was all about new projects, including some from this planet and possibly a few from Mars. Day 2 featured discussions on tokenization that sounded suspiciously like corporate jargon.

Regulation, tokenization, and decentralized tools took the spotlight, leaving the audience wondering if they were attending a finance conference or a cult meeting.

#4 Gensler Under Fire as Year of SEC Messages Wiped

In a plot twist worthy of a Netflix series, House Republicans are investigating SEC Chair Gary Gensler over the mysterious disappearance of nearly a year’s worth of texts from his phone-goodbye, classified gossip! The irony isn’t lost on anyone that while the SEC slapped Wall Street with a hefty fine for their messy recordkeeping, their own captain decided that a good ol’ phone reset was a splendid idea. Well, tickle me surprised!

Don’t Miss This: How Is Trump’s SEC Chair Paul Atkins Crypto Approach Different from Gensler?

#5 SEC Freezes QMMM After 1,000% Crypto Stock Surge

Speaking of messes, the SEC decided to hit pause on QMMM Holdings after its stock surged nearly 1,000% in less than three weeks. Now, that’s what I call a rollercoaster ride! 🎢 Who knew digital advertising could fuel that kind of mania? Their plans to build a $100 million crypto treasury had shares jumping faster than my cat when I accidentally step on its tail!

#6 2Z Token Gets Rare No-Action Letter From SEC

In the land of the rare and unusual, the SEC graciously bestowed a No-Action Letter to DoubleZero regarding its 2Z token, which will thankfully not be treated as a security. Finally, a decision that actually makes sense in a sea of confusion! Commissioner Hester Peirce claimed these tokens don’t meet the Howey Test. But can we just agree that the Howey Test sounds like a bad attorney’s office?

#7 Coinbase’s OCC Bid Puts Custody and Stablecoins in Focus

Coinbase, trying to ascend to the heavens of crypto governance, has applied for a National Trust Company Charter from the U.S. OCC. But don’t get too excited; they haven’t decided to become a bank. 💰 The charter offers them more authority over custody and payments. Just what we need: another tech company diving into the financial waters while we try to keep our heads above water!

#8 REX-Osprey Files 21 Spot Altcoin ETFs With U.S. SEC

The ETF race is heating up faster than my security blanket in a hot dryer. REX Shares and Osprey have thrown 21 new applications to the SEC like confetti, covering more altcoins than I can count! Staking options? Yes, please! Let’s just hope the feds wake up before the festival gets too out of hand.

#9 White House Drops Brian Quintenz as CFTC Chair Pick

In another plot twist eating popcorn-worthy, the White House pulled the plug on Brian Quintenz for CFTC chair, leaving him floundering. Apparently, clashes with the Winklevoss twins-aka the Alpha and Omega of crypto drama-were too much for him to handle. Will they start sharing their private texts next? Stay tuned!

I’ve never been one to air my dirty laundry, but I had to share the messages-Tyler and Cameron, consider this your warning! 📱 – Brian Quintenz (@BrianQuintenz) September 10, 2025

#10 Cardano Teams Up with NEAR as Intents Go Live

Meanwhile, Charles Hoskinson from Cardano has teamed up with NEAR for a cosmic partnership that lets ADA holders swap across 20+ blockchains. Finally! A way to unify everything without a bridge akin to getting across a raging river filled with piranhas. 🐟

Excited to join forces with NEAR. They are a great team with the vision that makes my dreams come true! – Charles Hoskinson (@IOHK_Charles) September 30, 2025

In the Spotlight

Here’s a few quick hits you shouldn’t miss!

Brazil’s Wasted Energy Fuels Green Mining Boom: Brazil is tapping into unused wind and solar power-because who doesn’t want to mine crypto while saving the planet? 🌍

Thailand Plans Crypto ETFs Beyond Bitcoin by 2026: The SEC is finally catching up, but faster than my attempt to exercise after the holidays!

SEC Clears Path for State Trusts to Hold Crypto: Finally! A belated Christmas gift for investment advisers who want to get in on the action!

Walmart’s OnePay to Add Bitcoin, Ether This Year: Just when we thought grocery shopping couldn’t get any more exciting! 🛒

Pavel Durov Says Bitcoin, Not Telegram, Funds His Lifestyle: So that’s the secret! Well, now we all know who bought the drinks last Friday!

What’s Next for Crypto?

Major shifts to expect ahead

ETF delays proving that U.S. politics can throw a wrench in anyone’s plans.
Regulatory signals: like a Rorschach test, clarity is in the eye of the beholder.
Emerging markets strut their stuff-look out world, here they come!
Institutions are lusting after altcoins; Bitcoin is feeling like that kid who graduated high school but never left town.
Crypto is no longer just speculation; it’s moving into your mom’s wallet-sorry, Mom!

There’s a consistent clamor, yet the patterns emerge-like getting a new pimple before prom! We’ll see you again next week to connect those dots!

2025-10-04 15:36