Vanderpump Rules Recap: SLO Horses

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Are you seriously telling me I spent $69 of my own money on Chris and Jason’s OnlyFans massage video, and we’re not even going to discuss it on this episode? I paid for this… I mean, I used my own money for research, and now we won’t even get to talk about it because everyone at SUR is getting along and nobody mentioned it to Audrey? It was teased at the end of the last episode – what a bait and switch!

This episode was surprisingly uneventful, even slower-paced than Kim when she’s relaxed. Angelica and Shayne talked about it privately in the hot tub, and Angelica revealed she’d seen some disturbing content on the identical cousins’ OnlyFans – specifically, them being very intimate with each other. Shayne initially didn’t believe it, but then admitted they should earn money however they can. He then shared a bizarre story from when he was 14, about his cousin trying to teach him… well, let’s just say a very personal technique. He insisted it wasn’t inappropriate, but Angelica had a strong reaction, jumping out of the hot tub and acting dramatically – almost like a scene from Home Alone when Kevin discovers his family is leaving without him. It wasn’t quite that extreme, but she was definitely shocked and upset.

Shayne believes people often act unpredictably, but he’s surprisingly insightful. He pointed out that everyone gets along with Chris and Jason, and Angelica could create problems if she starts spreading gossip about them. Honestly, I didn’t expect someone so clever to be on Vanderpump Rules.

It’s clear this guy is much smarter than Angelica, and she needs to move on. She’s constantly upset and moping around on vacation, fixating on Audrey not knowing what Chris does online. Honestly, she needs to let it go. Later, at a street fair, Shayne gets a huge pulled-pork sandwich – bigger than what either Jason or Chris has! He offers some to Natalie, who tries it, and Angelica immediately complains to Demy that Shayne shouldn’t have shared with her. Demy rightfully points out he offered it to everyone, but Angelica insists it’s different because Natalie went on a date with him. Seriously, get over it! Last week she was upset about a kiss in a music video, and now this? She went on one date with this guy, he’s already made it clear he’s not looking for a committed relationship, and she’s getting upset because Natalie had a bite of his sandwich? She needs to seriously reconsider her reactions.

Things are really escalating between Natalie and Jason, and honestly, this show is starting to feel more and more like Love Island. Natalie should probably get out now while she can, because despite Jason being handsome and a smooth talker with all the women here, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Basically, he’s a little clueless. He actually had to ask what ’empathetic’ means, and then admitted he didn’t know what ziti is! Seriously? You’re an Italian American from New Jersey and you’ve never heard of ziti? That’s like Ben Affleck needing someone to explain what ‘wicked’ means – it just doesn’t make sense.

Things seem to be going well for the couples in the house. Marcus and Kim have reunited, though Marcus spent much of the episode noticeably intoxicated and then neglected his work the next day. However, it’s questionable whether Lisa needed so much staff for the event – there were twice as many staff members as attendees! Half the staff could have been helping Shayne with breathwork exercises back at the house instead.

Chris and Audrey had a small disagreement. As everyone was preparing to meet Lisa’s friends, Jason’s identical twin brother, Justin, called and spoke on speakerphone about their upcoming trip to Bali, using very crude language. Audrey was bothered by this, feeling it was typical male behavior. The show built up some tension around the incident, but when Chris and Audrey talked it through, it wasn’t a major issue. Audrey admitted it was a first sign that things weren’t completely smooth between them, but they reassured each other of their feelings and then shared a passionate kiss in the street in downtown San Luis Obispo (known locally as SLO).

Everyone seems to be pairing off – Kim and Marcus, Shayne and Angelica, Natalie and Jason, and Audrey and Chris – leaving Demy and Venus feeling excluded. This sparks a long conversation about Venus’s sex life, during which he reveals it’s been seven years since he last kissed a guy. The speaker is shocked, arguing that Venus is wasting his prime years by staying in and not exploring his sexuality. They strongly suggest he use a dating app and embrace opportunities to connect with others.

I need to stop trying to recreate my past experiences with Venus. He’s looking for a relationship, not just casual encounters, and it seems surprising to him that someone wouldn’t want to kiss a guy. Honestly, I could easily find someone to kiss in West Hollywood right now. Venus thinks people aren’t interested because he’s not heavily built, and that’s a fair point – he’s definitely attractive. Los Angeles, and especially WeHo, is obsessed with appearances, but I still manage to find dates there. (My husband doesn’t need to know!) There are plenty of options in areas like Silver Lake and Akbar, just a short ride away. He needs to broaden his search and find someone who appreciates his build. He shouldn’t limit himself.

While the group was at a bar in San Luis Obispo, a very attractive man approached Venus and Audrey. Everyone jokingly teased Venus for not showing any interest, but there was a real reason for her hesitation. Being in a bar full of straight people in a conservative town can be unsafe for a gay man. Venus explained that he didn’t know if the man was gay, and making a move could easily lead to a violent reaction. Marcus tried to help by talking to the man, who claimed he was just hanging out with a female friend, not on a date. Despite sensing the man was straight, Marcus invited both of them to join their group for the night.

At the next bar, the group is playfully setting up Venus to flirt with Kevin and even giving him coaching. Chris tries to charm Venus himself, mostly with suggestive looks and dramatic gestures, culminating in a rather forward question. However, Venus isn’t interested in anyone at the moment. He’s not even a secondary interest – he’s completely on the sidelines. Chris refuses to kiss Venus, so Marcus does, followed by Venus kissing both Audrey and Natalie. Audrey and Natalie then share a kiss, and the men start giving each other lap dances. Everyone is passionately kissing and getting close when, suddenly, an older man with a ponytail appears. “Can I join in?” Peter Madrigal asks, leaving everyone wondering who this unexpected guest is.

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2026-01-28 06:55