Two Kevins, One Fed Chair? Trump’s Kevin Hunt Leaves Markets Perplexed 🤷‍♂️💸

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Kevin Hassett, that silver-tongued economist, insists the Fed’s got more backbone than a cat on a hot tin roof, even as Trump’s “two Kevins” duel for the chairmanship. Prediction markets wobble, crypto yawns-what a jamboree! 🌀

  • Kevin Hassett, now the belle of the Fed chair ball, quips that Trump’s opinions are as weighty as a feather in a hurricane-unless they’re backed by data, of course. The FOMC? They vote like it’s a democracy, not a popularity contest. 🗳️
  • Trump, ever the showman, narrows the race to “two Kevins” (Hassett and Warsh), while Polymarket’s odds shift like a sandbar in a tide. From 85% to 52%-Hassett’s lead falters, and Warsh creeps up, grinning like a fox in a henhouse. 🦊
  • The Fed’s 25-basis-point cut to 3.5%-3.75% leaves crypto markets as flat as a prairie dog’s backside. Trump, meanwhile, dreams of 2026 rate cuts like a kid eyeing a candy store. 🍬

Kevin Hassett, that economic raconteur, told CBS on Sunday that the Fed’s independence is as sacred as Sunday church bells. “Trump’s opinions? They’d need to wear a halo of data,” he declared, as if explaining why a frog won’t dance to a fiddle. 🐸

Hassett’s Fed Independence Sermon, Delivered with a Dash of Sarcasm

Hassett, with the gravitas of a man selling bridges to the moon, insisted the Fed’s 12-member committee would vote like a jury, not a fan club. An announcement looms in January-cue the suspense of a thunderstorm at midnight. ⛈️

When asked if Trump’s views might sway the Fed, Hassett replied, “No, no-he’d need to bring a trunk full of data, not just a loud voice.” A sentiment as clear as mud, but hey, it’s the best we’ve got. 🌊

“If you trot out a policy argument and the committee snorts it back, then you vote,” Hassett said, channeling the wisdom of a man who’s probably never owned a horse. 🐴

Trump, that master of brevity, narrowed the chair race to “two Kevins”-Hassett and Warsh. “They’re both great,” he declared, as if rating apples in a fruit bowl. 🍎

Prediction markets, those digital oracles of modern times, have trimmed Hassett’s odds from 85% to a mere 52%, while Warsh creeps up to 39%-a race tighter than a cat’s grin in a room full of rocking chairs. 🪑

Trump, ever the self-appointed economic sage, demands the next Fed chair consult him on rates. “I’m a smart voice,” he insisted, “and should be listened to.” A claim as modest as a barn in a hayfield. 🌾

The Fed’s latest rate cut left crypto markets as unimpressed as a cow watching a parade. Powell, that beleaguered central banker, called the inflation-employment tightrope “a challenging situation”-a euphemism if ever there was one. 🤺

Powell added, “There is no risk-free path for policy,” a line that could double as a Shakespearean tragedy. Meanwhile, Trump dreams of 2026 rate cuts like a kid eyeing a candy store. “Warsh thinks you have to lower rates,” he said, as if it were common knowledge. 🍬

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2025-12-15 10:44