Trump’s Crypto-Friendly White House? Oops, We Meant “Cozy” 😳

So, buckle up, folks-because according to a spicy new report from The New York Times, the Trump White House apparently treated crypto enforcement like a yoga class: lots of relaxing, zero consequences. 🧘‍♂️💸

Trump’s Crypto Amnesty Special (Now Serving Conflicts of Interest!)

The investigation claims that over 60% of crypto cases active when Trump returned for Term 2™ were either paused, softened, or straight-up ghosted-like a bad Tinder date. Meanwhile, the rest of Corporate America kept getting audited, fined, and served subpoenas like it was brunch. But crypto? Oh honey, pull up a beanbag and light some incense. 🔮

The SEC, which once acted like it was sworn to destroy all blockchain-based joy, suddenly developed selective amnesia. Historically, they don’t just drop whole industries like yesterday’s hot gossip-unless, of course, said gossip involves rich people with ties to the President. Coincidence? Maybe. But so is running into your ex at a funeral… twice.

When “Donations” = “Legal Good Vibes” 🌈

The report casually drops a few “fun facts”-like how several crypto firms that faced legal action just happened to later form business or political ties with the Trump crew. And surprise, their cases vanished faster than Trump’s tax returns! 🏃‍♂️💨

Take the Winklevoss twins-yes, the actual human plot devices from The Social Network-whose company’s lawsuit mysteriously stalled post-inauguration. Then there’s Binance, which had its case dropped entirely (“Bye, felicia!”), and Ripple Labs, suddenly getting penalty discounts like it was Black Friday at the Department of Justice.

Was it regulatory reform? Or just regulatory favor? Hard to say. But if it walks like a quid, and squawks like a quo, maybe it’s time to check the family crypto portfolio. 👀

Crypto: The Only Industry Where “Due Process” Means “Know the Right People”

Of the 23 crypto cases the SEC inherited, 14 were downgraded or dismissed. And get this-8 of those companies later had financial or political links to the Trump family. That’s not a pattern, that’s a PowerPoint slide for a congressional hearing. 🎤💥

Compare that to non-crypto cases, where only 4% were dismissed. So yes, if you were a drug company or a bank, sorry-rules still applied. But if you were in crypto and knew someone who knew Eric Trump’s guy’s cousin? Congrats, you’ve won immunity!

Critics Say: “Chill, It Was Bad Policy, Not Bad Intent”

Not everyone’s on board the conspiracy train. Crypto analyst Alex Thorn rolled his eyes so hard he probably saw his own brain. He argues the prior administration’s crypto crackdown was wildly overzealous-to the point where even Democrats and federal courts were like, “Bro, dial it back.”

He says easing enforcement wasn’t about greed-it was about sanity. Congress had tried to curb the SEC’s anti-crypto rampage before, meaning the pendulum was overdue to swing back. So maybe this isn’t corruption… just bureaucracy finally getting therapy. 🛋️

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2025-12-15 13:08