This week, the crypto market decided to audition for Cirque du Soleil. Juggling knives, fire, and the concept of financial stability! 😬
BTC took a nosedive like a toddler on roller skates, only to bounce back like a boomerang of hope. ETH followed suit, doing the crypto equivalent of a nervous tango with volatility. 🕺 Meanwhile, the overall market dropped faster than my phone battery at 10%-investors sprinted toward safety like it was the last slice of pizza at a party. 🏃♂️🍕
Amidst the chaos, a few utility chains decided to play “Survivor: Blockchain Edition” and actually thrived. Who knew? 🙊
Weekly winners
MYX Finance [MYX] – Prom Queen of the Crypto Ball 💅
MYX Finance [MYX] is the crypto world’s new prom queen this week, strutting up 17% to $3.04 like it’s got a date with destiny and a glitter cannon. 💅
While the rest of us were panicking, MYX calmly printed five green candles in a row. It’s like when your friend casually drops they learned three languages and became CEO over quarantine. 🤭
Three higher highs, broken resistance levels, and now it’s flirting with $3 like a rom-com lead. Chartists are screaming “IT’S WORKING!” while the rest of us squint at screens wondering if we’ve accidentally joined a cult. 📈
As AMBCrypto “reported” (read: screamed into the void), leverage-fueled gains and skyrocketing OI! It’s like watching a toddler with a fire extinguisher-messy, but kinda impressive? 🧯
Bitcoin Cash [BCH] – Middle Child Syndrome? Never Heard of It 🤯
Bitcoin Cash [BCH], the middle child of the crypto family, managed an 8% jump to $580. It’s like when your sibling accidentally does something impressive-everyone’s shocked but proud. 🤯
Three green candles in a row! But don’t pop champagne yet-it’s stuck at a resistance level that’s haunted it since October. Breaking through would be like finally beating your dad at chess: sweet, but expect immediate accusations of cheating. 🎯
Chainlink [LINK] – The Oracle That’s Been Practicing Yoga 🧘♂️
Chainlink [LINK] is the Oracle network that’s been practicing yoga all week, stretching up 6.84% to $13.8 like it’s trying to touch enlightenment. 🧘♂️
Two bounces after a brutal Q3 sell-off! If this were a rom-com, it’d be the part where the protagonist buys a new outfit and suddenly everyone notices. Also, some whale dropped $22M on LINK. Plot twist? 🐋
Other notable winners
GaiAi (GAIX) mooned 287%-probably because someone typoed “GAIX” into their trading bot and forgot to check. Terra Luna Classic (LUNC) gained 187%, which is wild considering its track record of betrayal. USTC rounded it out with 98%, because why not? 🚀
Weekly losers
Canton [CC] – Financial Faceplant of the Week 😭
Canton [CC] decided to freefall 25% this week, which is less “market correction” and more “financial faceplant.” 😭
Three lower lows, zero buyer interest, and derivatives traders are circling like vultures at a stockbroker’s funeral. CC’s chart looks like my dating app bio: “Looking for a rebound. Not picky.” 💔
Zcash [ZEC] – Privacy Coin Wants a Nap 🛋️
Zcash [ZEC], the privacy coin that just wants a nap, slid 19% from its $427 opening. It’s like when you’re three episodes into a Netflix binge and realize you’ve forgotten to adult today. 🛋️
Three red candles in a row after a 1,120% rally? This is just ZEC paying back karma. HODLers cashing out look like my mom at a Black Friday sale: “I didn’t come here to lose!” 👩🛍️
Morpho [MORPHO] – The Buttered Eel of DeFi 🐟
Morpho [MORPHO], the DeFi lending protocol, slipped 15% like a buttered eel-slippery and disappointing. 🐟
Three red candles after a three-month snooze? Bulls are clinging to the $1 psychological level like it’s a life raft. If it breaks, we’re talking $0.80 faster than you can say “I told you so.” 🛑
Other notable losers
TOMI (TOMI) dropped 66%-a 180° turn from “moon” to “meh.” LGTC fell 64%, and Humanity (H) slid 52%. Truly, the crypto version of musical chairs. 🎵
Conclusion
This week was a rollercoaster designed by a caffeinated toddler. Buckle up, do your own research (or don’t-your call), and remember: the market loves a good drama queen. 👑
Final Thoughts
- MYX Finance [MYX], Bitcoin Cash [BCH], Chainlink [LINK] led the week in gains. 🎉
- Canton [CC], Zcash [ZEC], Morpho [MORPHO] saw significant declines. 📉
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2025-12-07 22:26