The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’

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At sea on board ships like the ‘Persistent Lady’, ‘Inevitable Conclusion’, or ‘Deferential Bottom’ – whatever we might call this Virgin cruise ship – the women are making up after their disagreements and finding common ground. It’s quite heartening, though I must say it can also be a bit monotonous at times.

Lisa contacts Larsa to meet privately for a drink and discuss a truce. During their conversation, Larsa recalls her previous threat about contacting the paparazzi regarding Marcus, which escalates yet another dispute between them. This ongoing argument, according to Lisa, has spanned across continents, with both parties unable to find resolution. Miraculously, they manage to put an end to it. They reconcile, and Larsa promises not to bring up Jody, a prominent HVAC enthusiast from Canada, again. The conflict is resolved. A peace agreement is established, all thanks to the intercession of the Catholic Jesus and Richard Branson’s boat, the Blushing Harlot.

The women head to the spa, where Kiki introduces a stylish pink one-piece paired with a flirtatious miniskirt. This marks her second swimwear ensemble of the day, and remarkably, she has upstaged every cast member on “The Real Housewives of Orange County” in terms of fashion for the entire season so far. As the other ladies receive foot massages for Julia, who is reportedly revealing some personal preferences, Alexia and Stephanie take a break to converse in the utility room.

In Seville, Stephanie shares why she was upset with Alexia, revealing that she mistakenly believed their friendship was genuine when they left together from a group dinner. For the first time, Stephanie felt accepted and understood among her friends. However, the next day, Julia informed her that they perceived her as bossy and didn’t want to travel on her plane. Alexia, like Stephanie who dislikes artificiality, admits that they do find Stephanie bossy but clarifies that it was Marysol, not Alexia, who didn’t want to go on the trip. Alexia also explains that she often has to address these situations, even though Marysol is usually the one instigating them.

Alexia explained one more point as to why Marysol chose not to board the plane, which was that she was upset because Stephanie had lunch with Adriana and seemed to enjoy it. This missing piece of information helped us understand why Marysol would want to retaliate against Stephanie. For quite some time now, Stephanie has been irritating on the show, but the reasoning behind Marysol’s desire for revenge didn’t become clear until this moment. Naturally, it involves Adriana. It also pertains to a longstanding feud that dates back to the early days of the program. Needless to say, Adriana is Marysol’s sworn enemy.

Regarding Adriana: For the majority of the journey, she seems discontented, often appearing as a mug with a “See You Next Tuesday” vibe. It’s clear she’s upset about her birthday and feeling undervalued in society, particularly women past a certain age. We all live under the patriarchy, which indeed is quite oppressive. I understand her struggle, even if not to the same extent as women do. Adriana seems unable to acknowledge her blessings – she’s beautiful, has a devoted boyfriend, a loving son, her show is successful again, fans are praising her performance this season, and another hit single from her is imminent. I wish I could comfort Adriana, help her brush off the past, forgive her actions in the initial seasons of this series, and encourage her to move on.

Despite the cake served during dinner being a disappointment, she still received a small cake for her birthday along with some young men in fitted shirts who were prepared to offer her drinks following her slice of it. The cake bore the message “Happy Birthday,” though it doesn’t actually speak. Instead, there was icing on the cake that displayed the same greeting, followed by “32 x 2 – 5,” which equals 59 when solved.

It seems there are many mysteries surrounding the information about Adriana’s age on the cake. Who could have possibly shared this confidential detail? Given that Julia is close to Adriana and might be the only one she would reveal her true age to, she could be a suspect. However, Marysol, who organized the event, may also have come across Adriana’s passport during preparations, taking note of the actual age, and then inadvertently or intentionally disclosed it.

This whole situation seems rather shady and inconsiderate, as if someone wanted to make a guessing game out of Adriana’s age. It raises questions like, “Why is this a math problem? Is the number being deliberately concealed?” This approach only adds an element of intrigue and potential embarrassment, making it seem as though people are intentionally trying to figure out Adriana’s age, which could lead to feelings of discomfort and inadequacy.

To put it mildly, who enjoys doing math on their birthday? Math is definitely not my forte. As a result, I now feel both old and unintelligent. This whole ordeal has been quite frustrating, to say the least. Fortunately, Guerdy swiftly removed the offensive icing.

who revealed Adriana’s age, and why was it necessary to make a game out of it? It seems rather insensitive and unnecessary, leaving many people feeling uncomfortable and confused about the situation.

Following the embarrassing event, the women took some time to unwind and disembarked the boat the following day. Later in Miami, we witness individual scenes, such as Guerdy attending therapy sessions alone, where she discusses the emotional turmoil of immigrating to this country and the lingering resentment she harbors towards her parents, which she finds difficult to express openly. These sessions offer insights into how Guerdy dealt with bullying upon her arrival and how these experiences manifest within the group dynamic on the show.

A particularly notable moment unfolds during dinner with Marysol and Steve, where Alexia, Frankie, and Steve indulge in pasta and salad. Meanwhile, Marysol remains seat at an untouched plate. Alexia urges her to partake in the salad, but Marysol explains she’d already consumed a large lunch accompanied by a generous amount of vegan cheese prior to their arrival. While I won’t venture into conjecture about what this may imply, it is worth noting that the editors emphasize this scene multiple times, returning to the empty plate on several occasions.

It’s disheartening to hear Alexia expressing her intentions of reconciling with Todd. I can’t help but think it’s a poor choice. Frankie was evidently unimportant in Todd’s eyes when he moved out, which suggests questionable behavior towards Alexia. Don’t dismiss Marysol’s opinion too quickly; if your closest friend dislikes your partner, it’s worth investigating why. Friends often sense issues before they become apparent. There’s an intriguing perspective on Marysol here. She mentions that Steve refuses to socialize with Todd because he didn’t appreciate the way Todd treated Alexia. It seems as if Marysol is acting as a ventriloquist, expressing Steve’s feelings, but Steve himself appears passive, like a life-sized doll without control over his actions.

The next time Adriana meets Stephanie for lunch, it appears as though Stephanie has successfully contacted Marysol (let’s see how Marysol reacts when she finds out about this!). Here’s the thing: It’s entirely possible that Marysol behaves in this manner. As Adriana points out, she’s long asserted that Marysol is the one sowing seeds within their group, disseminating gossip, and causing trouble, yet she consistently avoids getting involved herself, allowing Alexia or others to handle her dirty work. I hope it’s not true. I’ve grown fond of Marysol since the show’s reboot. Who else is as amusing as she is? Like when Guerdy inquired if Larsa could swim and Marysol retorted, “She floats.” Marysol is sharp-witted. She delivers compelling confessionals and stays true to her identity, which involves being smart, silly, and boozy. She’s the perfect Housewife for us. However, if they’re correct about her, we may need to reconsider our feelings towards her, and I don’t want to lose my innocent affection for Marysol.

Stephanie, who’s known for her sharp mind, is making bold claims about her relationship with Marysol to Adriana, the head marketing officer of Down with Marysol Patton LLC LTD Inc. She says something like, “If she picks a fight with me, she’d better be spot-on because I don’t miss my mark when it’s my turn.” Her words seem to rise skyward, spiraling like smoke from a snuffed candle on a cursed birthday cake. Mama Elsa, an influential figure, catches those words, shakes them off three times, and swallows them. She exhales forcefully, sending a chill that sweeps across Miami, causing three palm trees to crash into a nearby Zara store, just steps from Stephanie’s office.

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2025-09-12 06:55