Hey there! As a movie buff reminiscing about those TV series, I can’t help but bring up some memorable moments. Like when Corinne made her grand entrance at the cocktail party sporting a bikini and trench coat, or when Kaitlyn hinted that she might need a ‘hall pass’ if Chris Soules were The Bachelor for long. And let’s not forget Demi making waves to grab everyone’s attention in the hot tub. Good times!
It seems like I’ve been part of this reality show for too long or perhaps it’s the stage of life where my cells are being replaced by those of a 40-year-old, but this isn’t the same ‘Bachelor’ I remember from my youth. W?! I apologize, but we’re only on episode two and yet we’re already seeing contestants struggle under pressure and express distress over the Bachelor kissing another woman?! This shouldn’t be happening until later in the season. Instead of plotting and strategizing, setting up creative games like a kissing-themed cornhole, they’re upset about Zoe’s unsuccessful attempt to speak with Grant during a group date. I can’t help but wonder if these women didn’t fully understand the nature of the show they were signing up for? Something feels off about this season’s pace. By episode two, we should be well into the “Establishing catchphrases” phase and not in the “Your night-one compliment really upset me” phase. Every cocktail party should be a whirlwind of contestants vying for attention from the Bachelor.
Alright, I don’t want to come off as old-fashioned, but let’s try to keep things light! I shouldn’t be so worked up over these young ladies because they won’t make it in the end. To avoid stirring up a generational dispute, I can’t help but wonder what’s going on with these modern-day women? It seems like every international trip and group date brings out their deepest emotional baggage.
Regarding group dates in this episode, it seems that a whopping 66.67% of them aren’t going as planned! The one-on-one date was a disaster unlike any I’ve witnessed before, and the group date caused far more turmoil than it should have. It feels like the Bachelor Cinematic Universe has forgotten its own rules!
Let’s get into it.
At dawn in Bachelor Mansion, the women are busy getting ready, each trying not to feel envious of the others. Despite a fragile truce, their alliance could crumble at any instant. Rebekah quickly earns the title of “Manifestation Girl.” Every contestant needs a unique identity. Jesse enters to explain the rules for dates and the events happening this week. It seems the ladies need such guidance as they appear clueless about the proceedings. There will be two group dates, and Alexe is set for a solo date due to receiving the first-impression rose. The first invitation is placed on the table, and Dina reads it: “Beverly, Sarafiena, Alli Jo, Natalie, Parisa, Vicky, Chloie, Zoe, Juliana, Allysha – it’s time to express your feelings, Grant.” My favorite response is Zoe saying, “I’m guessing this has something to do with basketball.” Elsbeth Tascioni is on the scene, folks! Alli Jo also mentions that if it involves basketball, she doesn’t know how to play but can certainly fight.
On the group outing, it’s a game of basketball. Growing up, Grant was deeply immersed in basketball, often spending hours at the park competing against older players, which likely made him a local legend and formidable player among eighth-graders. I imagine he was the basketball prodigy who struck terror into the hearts of younger players at the park. Grant utilizes this date to express his intention of instilling his basketball skills and court lessons to his own children. During the game, you’ll notice that the coaches are youngsters, with many kids playing alongside women. Grant expresses interest in observing the women with children.
In simpler terms, Grant is currently playing the role of a “Future Dad” in the kids’ show setting, and it seems he’ll transform fully into this role when he actually becomes a father. To clarify, I have no issue with someone desiring children or striving towards that goal. However, what makes me uncomfortable is that Grant appears uninterested in other aspects of the women’s lives outside of their potential motherhood. Throughout most of the episode, discussions about past relationships, current jobs, or personal experiences (unless they involve kids) are absent. Later on, he does have a meaningful conversation about emotional availability, but this is not a common theme throughout the episode.
In the heart of our group date, it’s me who’s seized the opportunity to make a move – Zoe. I sneak off with Grant during the dunk contest, leaving everyone else in a bit of a pickle. It was amusingly awkward, especially watching Alli Jo simmering with New Jersey anger while we waited for the elevator. But once we reached the rooftop, Zoe seemed to be at a loss. Girl, just go for it! Kiss him, flash some skin, or even make a blood oath if you want! She’s got the right intention but no follow-through. It was an awkward standoff, and Grant even asked her if she was enjoying herself. By now, Corinne would have managed to twist seven cherry stems with her mouth. On our return to the group, the other women began to realize that there were no hard and fast rules – but they also recognized that seizing the moment without consideration wasn’t the best approach either.
The Bachelor Basketball Showdown is here, and the ladies have been divided into squads, suggesting they’re grouped by height. Nails are flying everywhere as the women play! Zoe and Alli Jo are performing as if they’re on the iconic ’90s Detroit Pistons team. In the finale, the Purple Team outperforms impressively, with Chloie being crowned MVP. The crowd erupts with chants of “Kiss! Kiss!” as they share a brief kiss before Chloie receives Grant’s letterman jacket. Now it’s time for the nighttime segment of the date.
Grant promptly whisked Chloie away, and I’ve got a feeling if she reaches the top six, Chloie will be chosen as the next Bachelorette, and they’ll label it a victory for “body positivity” or similar. In the meantime, the other contestants are attempting to convince Zoe that what she did was inappropriate. However, I’d argue it wasn’t! In fact, it may have been instigated by production if they didn’t suggest the idea. The situation is being portrayed as disrespectful, but I wouldn’t use that term. Instead, I’d describe it as “an ingenious idea poorly executed.” If you’re going to steal him away, at least give him a kiss. They all claim it was an inopportune moment. Zoe queries, “When is the appropriate time? When we’re at home without him?” Alli Jo contends that Zoe didn’t deserve that time with Grant. For someone who claims to be ready for a fight, Alli Jo seems to be doing a lot of whining instead.
I hope this helps! Let me know if you need any more assistance.
In the meantime, Natalie was busy trying to win Grant’s affection during their group date. During a basketball game, she comforted a distressed child who was struggling to breathe, which caught Grant’s attention. They joked about how their future kids might grow up to be tall athletes instead of musicians like an oboe player. It’s not often I find myself wishing for someone else’s children to excel in sports. Later on, Grant gave Juliana a soothing hand massage because she had broken her nails. He seems quite smitten with her. When the Bachelor uses gimmicks during group dates, it usually means he has feelings for the person! As Grant and Juliana shared a tender moment, Zoe was observed standing in the shadows, much like Nosferatu. Later on, Zoe confided in him that she tends to keep her emotions hidden. Grant expressed his readiness to break through those emotional barriers.
Alli Jo is seated with Grant when Zoe slips away to conceal herself behind a column and inquires if she can bid her goodbyes. Worst of all, Grant accompanies her. It seems Alli Jo has been outmaneuvered.
Later, as the contestants reunite, Alli Jo confronts Zoe, “What’s your issue? Are you seeking more time? You had it, darling. Do you need that much attention? Are you feeling so insecure?” This is a risky move, similar to the Newark Opening in chess.
Zoe replies with a single line: “No one told you not to follow him or decline.” And thus, the game unfolds. In the end, Natalie receives the group date rose.
Tonight, Alexe and Grant are in for an unforgettable one-on-one date that leaves much to be desired. Instead of the usual bustling mall atmosphere, they find themselves wandering through a deserted and darkened shopping center with only a mattress store and a food stand open past their bedtime. It feels like something has gone terribly wrong – perhaps there’s been a budget cut or an unexpected event that derailed their plans. As they share stories about their families, it seems as though they both harbor dreams of carefree fun in a vibrant, open mall where they could eat to their hearts’ content and even try out exciting activities like flipping shrimp into hats at an empty Benihana. This date is more akin to leaving the movie theater after a late-night screening than a romantic evening filled with magic moments. Even when it comes time for their dance, Grant disappoints Alexe by simply inserting a tape into a boom box instead of leading her in a more memorable way. Although she receives the rose, I can’t help but worry about her long-term prospects given this lackluster start to their relationship.
This week’s group date schedule seems off, as the final group date is happening too early, ideally, it should be episode three or later. Traditionally, episode-two group dates involve fun activities like silly outfits or obstacle courses. However, the current situation has contestants feeling vulnerable and exposed, as they’re asked to write a few lyrics in front of MARIO and learn choreography from ROBIN ANTIN, the creator of the PUSSYCAT DOLLS. It’s important to remember that they’re on a reality-TV show, so the anticipation for a simple metallic cargo pants and bustiers performance might seem overwhelming.
To make this group date more engaging and productive, here are some suggestions: Take inspiration from ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ and transform them into a real girl group. Prepare a chorus for the ladies to sing together, have choreography ready for each contestant to perform their verse, and teach them how to write comedic setup/punch-line verses. The classic line “My name is ______ and I’m here to make it clear / I know you love me, baby, that’s why you brought me here” could be used as a starting point for their individual introductions.
I prefer not to offer an opinion on Grant’s rap this month, as it’s Black History Month, and I don’t feel right criticizing a fellow African-American in such a manner.
As a movie critic, I must commend the exceptional acting displayed by two characters: Rebekah, who passionately portrays her character with the unique touch of writing “Mrs. Ellis” on her back, and Carolina, who skillfully navigates the scene by sitting on Grant’s lap and singing to him in Spanish. Carolina’s captivating performance earns her a dance with Grant, while Mario serenades them, creating quite the romantic moment. However, this steamy display stirs up tension among the other characters. Understandably so, the subsequent reactions are nothing short of extraordinary.
As the date progresses into the evening, it appears as though no one is eager to confront Carolina or challenge her actions. Instead, they engage in vague conversations about the pressure and challenges of their shared journey following two nights within the mansion. Grant notices the unusual atmosphere upon entering the evening segment of the date. He pulls Rebekah aside for a private conversation, where she delicately criticizes him by expressing her support for whatever decisions he feels are necessary to achieve his desired outcome. Rebekah’s subtle hints suggest that she may be on the verge of creating an unpleasant atmosphere for everyone involved.
As a film enthusiast, allow me to rephrase the scenario: I tried to convey to my friend that Carolina’s actions towards Grant made everyone uncomfortable with her grind, and she retorted by saying she was merely seizing the moment at hand. Here’s another perspective on things: Many of the ladies on this date appear bewildered because they thought Grant would always pick them, not needing any effort from their side. It seems like they didn’t brace themselves for such emotional challenges, as the mental battle is understanding that he will interact with other women and not always choose us. In fact, Kelsey from Joey’s season humorously admitted she hardly experiences jealousy anymore due to their unique meeting. Instead of standing tall or opening up to Grant, most of these women opted for passive-aggressive behavior towards Carolina.
After an unexpected turn of events in the episode, a moment that left everyone puzzled occurs. Litia had been suppressing her reaction to something Grant said to her on the first night: “You’re so beautiful, I bet no one has ever told you no.” This comment upset her because it wasn’t true; someone had indeed told her no. However, this line was not meant literally by Grant. He was giving Litia an old-school compliment. The man in question, Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, is a coded reference. If he asks if you want to “knock boots,” he’s not referring to Timberlands! If he talks about his “pony” and his “saddle” is waiting – there’s no horse involved, Litia. If he says “all I wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a poom poom,” just shake your booty, Litia. She receives the group date rose in the end.
At the cocktail event, the focus is on Bailey who can’t seem to stop crying. The underlying theme is Emotional Availability. We’ve all been in situations where emotions take over and we can’t help but cry. Bailey is struggling to maintain composure while expressing her feelings to Grant without breaking down. Unfortunately, she doesn’t manage to avoid tears. It’s puzzling why she can’t seem to control herself. She claims to cope by being humorous and enjoying herself. Could humor be the key here? Later on, Zoe delivers a bold move by pushing Grant to the ground. That’s one sassy maneuver!
This version aims to make the text more conversational and easier for readers to understand.
It’s time for the rose distribution. Juliana, Beverly, Sarafiena, Carolina, Zoe, Dina, Rose, Bailey, Parisa, Alli Jo, and Chloie all receive roses. Unfortunately, Vicky, Rebeka, Allysha, and a deeply upset Ella are eliminated.
Next week! Lisa Vanderpump Dogs! The shortest dress I’ve ever seen in my life! Everyone weeping!
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2025-02-04 18:55