The Absurd Circus of Crypto: Upbit, Hacks, and a Token That Minted Itself | Gorky Style

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In the shadowed halls of the grand Korean exchange, Upbit, a tragedy unfolds. UXLINK, that shiny new toy, getslisted mere hours after its social media kin was robbed of eleven million dollars-good grief! The same exchange, that supposed bastion of safety, now waves a warning flag-like a veteran captain bailing out a sinking ship with a grin, saying, “Don’t worry, we’ve got rules.”

Oh, the irony! While investors clutch their wallets in despair, the exchange fumbles with “safety mechanisms,” as if slapping a bandage on a broken leg will make it run. Such is their wisdom; they watch their precious UXLINK tumble, down a staggering 70%, laughing bitterly at the cruel joke of recent events. $0.09404-who needs gold when you have such reckless madness? 🥴

The mighty UXLINK, betrayed by its own shadow, is now marked with a warning-a sign daring traders to gamble what’s left of their senses. The kings of the crypto playground, DAXA, decree: “This token is dangerous-approach with caution, or not at all.” They warn of a perilous dance against the backdrop of the Won, Bitcoin, and USDT, with the lethal label of “investment warning” slapped across the trading pairs. As always, the drafters of these decrees pretend to be protectors, but really, it’s a game of “Who’s the Gazillionaire Now?”

Meanwhile, UXLINK’s heroic attempt to recover their stolen tokens is as dramatic as a Shakespeare tragedy. They claim to have frozen a chunk of the loot, aligning with their allies-fellow exchanges in this chaotic ballet of digital loot. They whisper sweet nothings about plans to compensate the victims, yet the hacker, that trickster, has already minted two billion-yes, billion-tokens on Arbitrum. More than enough to make even the boldest investor weep into their coffee. ☕

🚨🚨🚨 Do *NOT* interact with $UXLINK token!!! The bad actor has gained the mint role, and-surprise!-another billion tokens appear out of thin air, like rabbits from a magician’s hat. 🐇🚧
Here’s the great unauthorized mint for the history books:

– PeckShield Inc. (@peckshield) September 23, 2025

Such is the fate of the unsuspecting wanderers in this wild frontier. The price plummets, trust dissolves, and everyone wonders if their digital fortune can be saved from this farcical deluge. Ah, the volatile poetry of crypto-where the only certainty is uncertainty and humor is the only armor. Cheers to the chaos! 🍻

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2025-09-23 09:36