tag only, not repeated in body. Alright, let me put this all together in HTML format.End of Thought (18.42s) Blue Cross Forks Over $2B-Not Because They’re Generous! Well, gather ‘round, folks, and hear the tale of how a certain healthcare leviathan found itself in a pickle so grand it’s splashed clear across the history books. Seems Blue Cross-yes, the same fine folks who’ve been guarding our health since the days of buggy whips and telegrams-has decided to part with a mite of their treasure. $2.67 billion, to be precise. Not ’cause they’re feeling charitable, mind you, but because the law gave ’em a sharp poke in the ribs. Now, once the lawyers have had their feast-and trust me, those vultures won’t leave a crumb-about $1.9 billion’ll trickle down to the rest of us. Some poor soul’ll finally get their appendix removed for less than a king’s ransom, I reckon. Payments’ll vary, depending on how much you paid in premiums. Ain’t that a hoot? The more you suffered, the more you’ll get back. Capitalism in action! Mark your calendars for May 2026, when the gold starts a-rainin’ down. If you bought a policy or filed a claim before that fella Biden took office-November 5th, 2021-you might just find a check in your mailbox. Provided you were “lucky” enough to be stuck with Blue Cross between 2008 and 2020. Or if you’re a doctor who got roped into their circus between ’08 and mid-2024. Congrats, you’re in the lottery! Blue Cross swears up and down they ain’t done nothin’ wrong. “Settlin’ to avoid litigation,” they say. Translation: “We’re tired of losin’ in court and payin’ lawyers to argue about it.” Ain’t that just the cat’s meow? Next they’ll tell us the moon’s made of green cheese. But hey, I’ll take the cash and a side of sarcasm with my healthcare news, thank you very much.

tags, no color styles. Retain all images. So the image tag stays as is. The original HTML has a paragraph structure, so I’ll need to rework each paragraph with Twain’s style.

The first paragraph: “A healthcare giant will soon distribute a massive pile of cash to customers in one of the largest antitrust settlements in US history.” Twain might say something like, “Well, gather ‘round, folks, and hear the tale of how a certain healthcare leviathan found itself in a pickle…” Add some folksy language.

Second paragraph: “Blue Cross has agreed to pay $2.67 billion…” Maybe “Blue Cross, that noble institution of the medical world, has decided to part ways with a tidy sum…” with sarcasm.

Third paragraph: “After legal fees…” Twain could quip about lawyers taking their share. “Now, once the lawyers have had their feast…”

Fourth paragraph: “Each payout will vary…” Maybe something about the complexity of the payouts. “The exact amount each soul receives will depend…”

Fifth paragraph: “Initial distribution begins in May 2026…” Twain might make a joke about timing. “Come May of ’26, the gold will start trickling…”

Sixth paragraph: Settlement dates. Twain could add a metaphor about the timeline being as long as a slow-moving river. “The deal covers folks who had the misfortune…”

Seventh paragraph: Blue Cross denies wrongdoing. Twain would likely mock this. “Blue Cross swears up and down they ain’t done nothin’ wrong…”

Need to ensure all the original info is retained, images in place, and humor/sarcasm added. Avoid any markdown, just HTML. Check for any

tags not used. Also, title in

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2026-02-22 22:12