tag and not repeated in the body. Keep paragraphs concise, as Sedaris often does, with a casual flow. Avoid technical jargon, replace with humorous analogies. Let me piece it all together now, making sure each paragraph has a touch of humor or sarcasm, and the overall tone is light-hearted despite the serious topic. Also, check character count for the title to be under 100. The example I thought of is 77 characters, so that’s good.End of Thought (15.80s) Bank Gets Slapped With $7M Fine for Failing to Catch Sneaky Traders 🤑 If you’ve ever wondered how a bank can miss insider trading for eight years, let me assure you: it’s not because they’re using a “sophisticated” trade surveillance system. Credit Suisse, the Swiss bank with a name that makes you think of Alpine chalets and impeccable service, apparently spent 2012-2020 pretending their computers were doing the work. Spoiler: they weren’t. 😬 FINRA, the regulatory equivalent of a very stern librarian, dropped a $7,125,000 fine on them for “supervisory failures.” Translation: their systems were so bad, they missed hundreds of millions in trade records. Imagine if your spam filter missed all your emails-and then blamed the postman. 🕵️♂️ Eight years is a long time to ignore the warning signs, longer than my last relationship. During this glorious stretch, Credit Suisse’s automated tools were probably busy learning to play Flight of the Bumblebee on the keyboard instead of flagging suspicious trades. The result? A treasure trove of potential insider trading and manipulative shenanigans, all while the bank sipped lattes and said, “Trust the process.” 🚨 FINRA’s main gripe? The bank’s data was so incomplete, it was like a really bad buffet-missing all the main courses. Effective supervision, they remind us, requires “complete and accurate data.” A concept apparently as foreign to Credit Suisse as a vegan option at a steakhouse. 🍽️ The cherry on top? Credit Suisse agreed to the findings without admitting guilt. Because nothing says “we’re on top of things” like a shrug and a “maybe we were busy?” 🙃