Summer House Season-Premiere Recap: Bringing Up Baby

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I’m really let down by the behavior of the residents at the Summer House this season. With a fresh start and months since the cameras were last rolling, I expected a flurry of Amazon orders. Yet, all I saw over the Fourth of July weekend was a small pile of packages near the front door – it seemed like just one delivery. The usual massive Amazon village with cases upon cases of Loverboy spritz, Kyle’s DJ equipment, and my imaginary wedding decorations are nowhere to be found. Frankly, this lack of spending is disappointing; it’s like watching dust gather instead of a lively party.

Here’s another way to phrase it: It’s quite unfortunate that their landlord neglected fixing the sticky front door, which would make summer so enjoyable if addressed. Plus, resolving issues between Carl and Lindsay, as well as getting Ciara to open up to West. Not forgetting about Jesse Solomon (always use both names!) avoiding any awkward situations with his new crush. If we manage to tackle all these challenges, this summer promises to be wonderful.

It appears that things are off to a smooth start as Jesse Solomon and West settle into a shared room upstairs instead of having separate rooms on the lower level. They’re so thrilled they can stay up late, laughing, discussing girls, making crude noises, and then giggling about their crudeness. “The only problem,” Jesse Solomon remarks. “No jokes about that.” Then West inquires if he has ever made such jokes in the house, and Jesse Solomon replies negatively. Then West mentions that he often does so. In just three minutes, we’re already discussing the masturbation habits of these handsome men with mustaches. This is shaping up to be an exceptional premiere, and we haven’t even caught a glimpse of Kyle’s pale rear end yet. (Rest assured, we will when he climbs into bed at 2 a.m., hoping for some extra points that he didn’t stay out until 4 a.m.)

The boys are swiftly approached by two newcomers named Lexi and Bailee. Lexi has an ‘I’ and Bailee has two ‘Es’, with the second one being borrowed from Sally, a cast member on “Southern Charm”. It appears that her name is now Sally. We don’t get to see much of Bailee, but she gives off a Thora Birch from “Ghost World” kind of vibe, as if she has the spirit of a Gen Xer in the body of a TikTok star. Lexi might be the oldest living Canadian child model, although I’ve never heard of her or seen her in any Talbots advertisements. It seems she’s been working since she was 10, and once, when she went to Paris, her agent handed her a Metro map and told her to find her own casting. However, it’s unclear if she was actually a model or simply watched an episode of “America’s Next Top Model” where Tyra would send the girls on castings to make things difficult for them. It’s more likely the latter.

Jesse Solomon and Lexi quickly develop feelings for each other, but there’s a catch: Jesse has absolutely no knack for romance or charm. In fact, he seems to be the antithesis of charming. He might as well have a “rain delay” sign around his neck! When he discovers Lexi’s last name is Wood, he inquires if her middle name is “Gives Me,” leaving everyone watching at home cringing for three long seconds in a shared moment of second-hand embarrassment. Later, at dinner, he openly asks her if she thinks she’s ditzy, which might be true but is definitely not something you should ask someone you just met, especially when you hope that person will eventually be taking off your clothes. Jesse simply can’t flirt, yet he’s all over Ciara. He tells her she looks beautiful, touches her, and makes comments about her tiny skirt. It seems that for some people, like Kyle with his DJ skills, they do things because they love them, not necessarily because they are skilled at them.

The two latest developments are the only fresh updates we need to focus on. Everything else is old information, starting with West and Ciara. West seems uneasy about encountering his former partner again following their last reunion’s unfortunate outcome, yet they met shortly after the reunion to discuss some matters. He felt they were in a good place, but Ciara has been impressively performing on The Traitors, and upon her exit, she noticed him appearing on numerous podcasts, writing articles, and consistently updating social media. She concluded that he was becoming bothersome and decided to publicize his less-than-impressive reputation for everyone to see.

It’s clear that Ciara feels uncomfortable with how Kanye West is speaking to the media about things he didn’t express to her personally. I can understand her perspective. However, I believe Ciara might be slightly misunderstanding the situation. The New York Times article she referenced was a response to an initial glowing profile they published earlier in the season, highlighting Kanye as the breakout star. In the second piece, they were essentially revealing that everyone had reassessed Kanye because of how he treated Ciara, implying that he was a deceitful individual all along. Although Kanye is making headlines, it’s important to note that these headlines are portraying him as a fool – precisely the image Ciara would want associated with him.

West’s main worry is that their interaction upon her arrival won’t go smoothly, and if it does, they might be able to move past their issues. He tries to hug her, but she moves his hand, pats him on the chest, and steps back. Ouch, that was frosty. Colder than a winter in Alaska. Reminds me of Lexi in those Daisy Dukes that are so short they’re practically illegal at the Gulf of America beaches. Things seem tough for Wiara now, but I sense a thaw is coming. It appears she has no intention of reconciling with him, and it seems like he was the one who ended their relationship definitively, so I don’t foresee them getting back together, but I bet they’ll spend a good amount of time socializing together in the future.

The real headline is that Lindsay is pregnant, as many had speculated. When she arrived at the house, she was wearing an oversized shirt – it seemed like it could have been used to make sails for a boat. This is a testament to her cleverness. It turns out she had planned this ahead of time, saying something like “Gabby, I’m going to wear an oversized shirt because I’m halfway through my pregnancy, but I don’t want people to know until I can make my big speech. So, here’s what you need to do: We’ll get you a larger, baggier, even pinker shirt. It will be so big and pink that it looks like a sewage treatment plant in Barbieland! That’s the plan.” So, everyone will think we’re all wearing big shirts this summer, but they’ll be fooled.

I’m thrilled for Lindsay, just like everyone else here. You know, it’s been a puzzle trying to figure out when she split from Carl (September), got together with her new beau (January), and found herself expecting (around March). But my happiness for her isn’t diminished, even though the timeline seems rather compressed. In the finale, Carl mentions that Lindsay had been hiding her pregnancy from everyone for six months because they would think it odd if they knew. However, Carl is mistaken; Lindsay didn’t keep it secret due to personal reasons or her relationship with you, but rather, she was waiting for the right moment – the perfect scene for the show and a well-timed sponsored post by Clear Blue Easy. Essentially, this wasn’t about Carl, Lindsay, or the baby; it was all about the production.

I find the whole situation to be contrived and overly scripted, which really bothers me. Beforehand, Lindsay is chatting with Gabby about her speech, confirming that she has it memorized. Yet, there seems to be a plan in place: Gabby will assemble everyone in the living room for a toast, and then Lindsay will step in to announce what’s going on. The whole setup felt so staged and rehearsed that I couldn’t help but feel annoyed by it.

In my opinion, even though Lindsay claimed she hadn’t prepared anything, her actions suggested otherwise. For instance, she had coordinated with Gabby to time the moment when she would receive the sonogram image to maximize its impact during her announcement that she was pregnant. It’s intriguing to wonder where one might get a glamorous photo of a fetus; I’m unsure if such a service is available at CVS photo kiosks.

The whole scene felt contrived and scripted, even though I understand this was a significant moment for Lindsay. However, since we’re dealing with a reality show, it shouldn’t feel so staged. Why couldn’t Lindsay have simply gathered everyone herself and shared some brief news instead? But no, she had to start with “Eight years ago…” It seems that eight years is significant because that’s when the show started, as well as when Lindsay’s public life began. She needed to reflect on all those years – her disputes with Garret, her questionable relationships, neglecting Stravvy by not making sandwiches for him, getting together with Carl, breaking up with Carl – not to remind people in the room of what transpired (as many were there when it happened), but to remind us. By organizing her narrative this way, she was able to construct a coherent account for the editors to compile a Lindsay’s Greatest Moments montage that she could use as a finale. What irks me is that the major announcement had nothing to do with those present; it was intended for the viewers.

Due to the prolonged nature of Lindsay’s speech, which lasted over 20 minutes, how does this connect with her having a new baby? Moving on now, Brian, let’s shift focus to Carl. He’s been exposed to news about the baby on social media, received numerous texts about it, and is moments away from bumping into Lindsay, who is showcasing her baby bump by the pool. The summer has barely begun, but things are already sizzling hot.

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2025-02-13 07:54