Strive & Semler: A Tale of BTC & Hubris đŸŠđŸ’„

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In the grand tapestry of human folly, where men chase after coins as if they were the elixir of life, Strive Inc. and Semler Scientific have woven a tale most peculiar. With the solemnity of a Czar’s decree, they announce their union-a merger of souls, if you will-to forge a Bitcoin treasury so vast it could make even Scrooge McDuck weep. Ten thousand, nine hundred BTC, they claim, shall rest upon their balance sheet, a digital hoard to rival the Tsar’s own. One wonders, however, if this is the dawn of a new era or merely the prelude to a crash more dramatic than the 1929 stock market plunge. 😂

According to the sacred scrolls of corporate announcements, Vivek Ramaswamy’s Strive Inc., that most ambitious of entrepreneurs, has inked a pact with Semler Scientific. The terms? An all-stock transaction, a dance of paper and promises. Yet, as Tolstoy might quip, “What is a share but a man’s hope dressed in numbers?” The price paid? $675 million for 5,816 BTC, or $116k per coin. A sum so lofty it could launch a rocket, though one suspects the rocket will crash into the same ditch as every speculative mania before it. 🚀

The merger, they boast, grants Semler Scientific’s shares a 210% premium-$90.52 per share, a figure that sounds more like a lottery ticket than a business strategy. Each Semler share becomes 21.05 of Strive’s Class A shares, a mathematical alchemy that feels less like progress and more like a riddle solved only by those who’ve forgotten the question. And what of their “preferred equity-only” model? A noble attempt to avoid debt, perhaps, but one cannot help but recall Tolstoy’s wisdom: “You cannot escape from yourself by fleeing into numbers.”

Together, these two titans now hold 10,900 BTC, a pile so large it could bury a small village. Semler, once a mere footnote in the Bitcoin ledger, now strides into the top 13th spot, trailing only Coinbase and Tesla. A triumph? Or a tragicomedy of hubris? The future shall judge, but for now, let us marvel at the absurdity of men who trade health tech for cryptocurrency, as if the cure for diabetes could be found in a blockchain. đŸ€Ż

Matthew Cole, Strive’s CEO, declares this merger a “cementing of position,” a phrase that drips with the confidence of a man who’s never heard of the word “hubris.” His vision? To outperform Bitcoin itself, a task akin to racing a cheetah while riding a donkey. Yet, in the spirit of Tolstoy, we must ask: What is ambition but a man’s desperate attempt to prove he is not a fool? The answer, of course, is that it is a fool’s errand. 🐮

As for the world of Bitcoin, it marches onward, a parade of corporate adoption. Metaplanet adds 136 BTC, Strategy hoards 535, and Robin Energy allocates $5 million. One might think these firms are preparing for an apocalypse, though judging by their balance sheets, the apocalypse will be funded by Bitcoin. Jordi Visser, a Wall Street sage, predicts more BTC allocations by year’s end. A bold forecast, though one suspects the market will have other plans. After all, as Tolstoy wrote, “Men dream, therefore are.” But when the dream collapses, who will be left holding the coins? đŸ€·

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2025-09-23 10:19