Stablecoins: The Internet’s New Bankers (And They’re Not Wearing Ties) 🤖💸

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Ah, stablecoins. Because nothing says “financial revolution” like a digital dollar that doesn’t try to be a rollercoaster. According to the wizards at Andreessen Horowitz (a16z), the crypto market in 2025 is being shaped by institutional adoption and stablecoins-because nothing says “trust” like a blockchain-based IOU. 🚀

In their latest “State of Crypto” report, a16z noted that BlackRock, Visa, and JPMorgan Chase are now playing in the sandbox alongside fintech firms like Stripe and PayPal. Presumably, they’re building castles out of code and hoping for rain. 🏰

Blockchain infrastructure, meanwhile, has improved so much that some networks now process 3,400 transactions per second. That’s a 100-fold increase in five years-or roughly the same speed boost you’d get if a snail invented a jetpack. 🐌✈️

This progress has turbocharged stablecoins, those “fiat-pegged digital tokens” that let you send dollars faster than a regulator can say “compliance.” The report claims $9 trillion in stablecoin transactions last year-a 87% jump. On an unadjusted basis? A staggering $46 trillion. That’s enough to buy the entire contents of the universe twice, assuming the universe has a clearance sale on black holes. 🌌

“In years past, stablecoins were used mostly to settle speculative crypto trades,” the report said. “As of the last couple years, they have become the fastest, cheapest, and most global way to send a dollar.” Or, as we like to call it, “money, but make it a ledger.” 📜

Regulators, ever the party poopers, are now trying to catch up. The U.S. passed the GENIUS Act (because nothing says “government efficiency” like a name that sounds like a superhero’s sidekick) to impose reserve requirements. Meanwhile, the UK is working on its own framework “by the end of next year”-a date so vague it could be interpreted as a holiday. 🎄

Stablecoins Are a “Global Macroeconomic Force”

a16z now calls stablecoins a “global macroeconomic force”-a title previously held by things like “the weather” and “central banks on caffeine.” Over 1% of U.S. dollars now exist as stablecoins, and they collectively hold $150 billion in Treasurys. That makes them the 17th-largest holder of U.S. debt-because nothing says “stability” like a dragon hoarding bonds. 🐉

Tether, the market leader, holds $127 billion in Treasury bills. Meanwhile, Ethena’s USDe is gaining traction with $11 billion in supply. If money were a book, this would be the chapter where the hero realizes they’ve been fighting the wrong villain all along. 🤷♂️

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2025-10-22 22:29