Some Unsolicited Ideas for Ariana Grande’s Next Movie

As a longtime admirer of Ariana Grande’s enchanting voice and captivating stage presence, I find myself utterly spellbound by the idea of her transitioning from pop sensation to silver screen siren. Having watched her mesmerizing performance as Glinda in “Wicked,” I can confidently say that she has the acting chops to bring any of these roles to life.


Recently, my friend DJ Louie XIV, who runs a podcast dedicated to meticulously rating pop stars, posed a question to me: Is this week, coinciding with the premiere of ‘Wicked’ and the acclaim for Ariana Grande’s portrayal as Glinda, the optimal time to be an Arianator? I gave this query the gravity it deserved and consulted my younger sister, who has attended every Ariana tour and has such deep devotion that she follows Ariana’s cousins on Instagram (no comparison to Club Chalamet). We pondered: Was the Best Arianator Week the week when Ariana infamously licked a donut and expressed dislike for America? Or was it when she released ‘thank u, next’ barely six months after her previous album, providing solace to a weary nation? Could it be the time when she was struck by two hockey pucks at Florida Panthers games as foretold by prophecy, signaling her destiny as a generation’s exceptional vocalist? After much deliberation, we concluded that no, it wasn’t any of those instances; instead, it is this week, when there appears to be a consensus that Ariana is not just an impressive pop singer, but a bona fide film star who might even earn an Oscar.

Although our role as unpaid, part-time consultants (with no boss, office, or conventional HR) was informal, it wasn’t neglected. Our subsequent task was to deliberate on Ariana’s future plans. In a recent episode of Las Culturistas, Ariana hinted at her fans, some of whom she jokingly referred to as occasionally demonic (including myself), that while she would continue with pop music, she intended to take on more acting roles: “I’m going to say something that might terrify my fans and everyone else, but I love them and they’ll adapt, and we’ll always be here,” she stated. “I believe I have a fondness for acting. I adore musical theater. I think rediscovering this aspect of myself who began in musical theater and appreciates comedy, and finding solace in engaging with these parts of myself, and giving them homes in characters, is therapeutic for me.

Currently, there’s a lack of suitable films being produced for Ariana, as no one else is creating content that matches her unique style. In the musical “Wicked”, Ariana exhibits a stunning blend of Old Hollywood glamour and screwball comedy reminiscent of Barbra Streisand and Lucille Ball. She sings live, performs high-kicks in hallways, slips and trips comically, all while demonstrating impeccable comedic timing and transatlantic elocution, echoing her Golden Age predecessors. Yet, she also conveys deep emotion through her expressive eyes, which sparkle with REM Beauty mascara. As one user noted, “if anyone was meant to live in a different era, it’s Ariana. She would have thrived as an MGM star living in a beautiful villa with her partner and their child. I believe she would have been incredibly content…

After Ariana wins her Oscar and purchases a villa with MGM’s earnings, one might wonder what other activities she could engage in. Here are a few thoughts that come to mind.

In a unique twist of imagination, it’s proposed that Ariana Grande could embody the spirit of Barbra Streisand across various film roles. Picture Ariana donning a charming hat while nibbling carrots in a modern adaptation of “What’s Up, Doc?” opposite Jonathan Bailey. Imagine Ariana portraying an innovative take on “Yentl” set in Italy, where she disguises herself as Mario from Nintendo to sneak into a pasta-making school due to gender restrictions. Envision a thrilling scenario where Ariana locks Lea Michele in the “Saw” basement and reprises the role of Fanny Brice in a grittier, more intense “Funny Girl.” Lastly, consider a sequel to “The Way We Were,” with Ariana playing Katie, their daughter who ignites a protest by setting the Plaza Hotel ablaze, followed by a romantic encounter with her pro bono lawyer, again played by Jonathan Bailey. This hypothetical scenario pays tribute to Barbra Streisand’s illustrious career while showcasing Ariana’s versatility as an actress.

As a devoted cinema enthusiast, Cher’s captivating performance in “Moonstruck,” which earned her an Oscar, transformed her from a pop icon into a bona fide film star. While I’m not advocating for a remake of “Moonstruck,” I do believe Ariana Grande deserves her own “Moonstruck” moment – a witty, charming Italian romantic comedy. Let’s peel back her glamour, place her in an everyday job, tie a scarf around her head, and give her a Brooklyn accent. Perhaps she plays a disillusioned MTA driver who has lost faith in love following her divorce from Mario. However, fate forces her to reconsider when she accidentally saves a man (Jonathan Bailey) from being electrocuted on the tracks while saving a woman’s dog (Toulouse). Guilt-ridden, she visits him at the hospital where he impressively devours the pasta she brings with his remaining hand. So enamored by his dexterity, she impulsively climbs onto his gurney, scarf flying off to reveal her blonde hair remains. She takes him home to her brother (Frankie Grande) and no-nonsense mother (Joan Grande), eventually marrying him on the G train.

As a passionate film enthusiast, I’d put it this way:

In a more straightforward and inclusive reimagining for a film titled “Spaghetti Dreams,” Ariana Grande, Kristin Chenoweth, and others who have experienced the magic of “Wicked” suggest that the character Glinda could be portrayed as openly gay in her next role. This movie, set in the glamorous world of Old Hollywood musicals, sees Ariana as Mia, a pasta magnate dealing with a heartbreak from her longtime partner (Cynthia Erivo).

The film collaboration between Ari Aster and Ariana Grande that I’ve been eagerly anticipating for quite some time now.

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2024-11-28 01:54