REVIEW: “Anaconda” (2025)

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It’s surprising that almost thirty years after its release, people are still discussing the movie “Anaconda.” The original film, which came out in 1997, was a horror adventure starring Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight, Eric Stoltz, and Owen Wilson. To my surprise, it became a beloved cult classic, leading to three sequels and even a fun crossover with “Lake Placid” in 2015.

The new movie, also called “Anaconda,” is a self-aware reboot of the 1997 classic. Director Tom Gormican, along with co-writer Kevin Etten, tries to capitalize on people’s fondness for the original. However, the film doesn’t quite deliver on either the humor needed for a comedy or the excitement you’d expect from an action movie.

Griff and Doug were childhood best friends in Buffalo who always wanted to make movies. Griff eventually moved to California to become an actor, but things didn’t work out as planned. Doug stayed in Buffalo and became a wedding videographer. Both are feeling unfulfilled with their lives, but that might change when Griff returns home with a wild idea.

Griff excitedly tells his friends Doug, Claire, and Kenny that he’s bought the rights to their beloved movie, “Anaconda.” He’s dreamed up a plan to remake it, with himself as the star, Doug directing, Claire co-starring and handling the finances, and Kenny as the cinematographer. Though they need some persuading, his friends eventually agree. Once Doug finishes writing the script, the four of them journey to the Amazon rainforest to start filming.

In Brazil, the film crew meets Santiago (Selton Mello), a quirky snake expert who guides them into the jungle to start filming. However, their shoot is quickly stopped when Griff gets scared and unintentionally kills Santiago’s snake. While looking for a new snake, the group is unexpectedly attacked by a giant anaconda, mirroring the dangerous situation faced by the characters in the movie they’re remaking.

While the film is so over-the-top that it’s almost silly, that’s not its biggest flaw. The main issues are with the story, which feels rushed and often doesn’t make sense. The script relies on easy fixes and plot holes. To make matters worse, there’s a completely unnecessary subplot about a woman named Ana escaping gold miners – you could remove it and the movie wouldn’t change at all.

Nothing is worse than watching a comedy that just isn’t funny. This one tries its best, but during the screening I saw, it mostly resulted in awkward silence instead of laughs. There are a few amusing moments that poke fun at Hollywood, but too often the humor falls flat, ranging from uninspired parodies to childish jokes.

The film’s cast struggles with weak material. Paul Rudd isn’t given much to work with, while John Black delivers his typical performance without impact. Zahn’s character is frustratingly one-dimensional, and Newton feels underutilized and unnecessary. Ultimately, the actors can’t overcome a story that loses momentum quickly and feels forced until the end. Even the classic rock soundtrack, featuring artists like Credence Clearwater Revival, Motley Crue, and AC/DC, feels jarring and doesn’t quite fit the tone of this disappointing film.

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2025-12-27 19:57