At the 82nd Golden Globes, Nikki Glaser, though she didn’t win her category, stood out with her witty monologue that overshadowed last year’s event. Despite a confusing presenter setup and an overall chaotic atmosphere, Glaser consistently shone, often changing costumes to deliver fresh jokes. One of the highlights was her performance of a hilarious blend of “Glinda” and “The Pope,” singing a mix of “Wicked” and “Conclave.” She sang, “You will be… ‘pope-ular!’ You’re gonna be ‘pope-u-lar.'” However, she was abruptly interrupted by a fake stage note in her earpiece, feigning distress over potentially embarrassing herself in front of Elton John.

Good one! She got us!

Not everyone was prepared for a classic, cheesy Billy Crystal-esque musical spoof. The expression on Ariana Grande’s face in the audience when Glaser mentions that this part is lackluster speaks volumes. For the sake of Ariana Grande and to rid myself, and possibly other Vulture writers, of this catchy tune that’s invading our thoughts, I reluctantly offer you: “Pope-ular.

Pope-ular

You’re gonna be pope-u-lar

I’ll teach you the proper puns

When you talk to nuns 

Little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!

I’ll show you what robes to wear

How to fix your hair

Everything that really counts to be pope-ular 

I’ll help you be pope-u-lar

You’ll hang with your acolytes 

You’ll be good at rites 

Know the prayers you’ve got to know

So let’s start!

Cause you’ve got to beat Tedesco

Don’t be offended by my frank analysis 

Think of it as personality hypostasis

Now that I’ve chosen to become a pal, a sis …

… ter (or a brother) 

There’s no-body other 

Not when it comes to … 

Pope-ular

I know about pope-u-lar

And with an assist from me to the papacy 

Instead of dreary where you were

(Well, are) 

You’re gonna do a vape pull

For becoming papal

-Ler

-Lar

Alleluiaaaaaaaa

Aaaaaaaaa

We’re gonna make you 

Pope

U

Lar

When I see depressing Catholics 

With their lame Nespress-ing gadgets 

I remind them on their own behalf

To

Think 

Of

Celebrated heads of church 

Or unbesmirched conclaviators

Did they have brains or knowledge?

Don’t make me laugh!

They were pope-ular?

RIGHT!

It’s all about pope-u-lar

It’s not about aptitude 

It’s the way you’re viewed

So it’s very shrewd to be 

Very very pope-ular 

Like

Bellini

Why Miss Cardinal Thomas Lawrence! 

Look at you … You’re beautiful!

(Ralph Fiennes: I have to go …)

You’re welcome!

And though you protest

That he’s intersex …

I know clandestinely

You’re gonna grin and bear it

Your newfound pope-u-larity

Alleluiaaaaaaa

Aaaaaa

You’ll be pope-u-lar

Just not

Quite as pope-u-lar

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2025-01-06 09:53