Anton and James Peraire-Bueno, those paragons of blockchain virtue, now find themselves entangled in a legal tango as prosecutors demand a retrial “as soon as practicable”-a phrase as vague as a poetâs love letter. Will February or March bear witness to their second act? Only time, and perhaps a judgeâs patience, shall tell.
In a filing so earnest it could make a philosopher yawn, the U.S. government implored the court to schedule the trial for late February or early March 2026. One wonders if the prosecutionâs definition of “practicable” includes a holiday for the juryâs mental well-being. đ¤ˇâď¸
The mistrial, declared after jurors failed to agree on a verdict, was less a failure of will than a testament to the complexity of modern finance. After three days of deliberation, the panelâs collective brainpower must have melted like ice in a crypto wallet. âď¸
Charged with crimes so technical they require a PhD to comprehend, the brothers allegedly used MEV bots to siphon $25 million from Ethereum. A feat of ingenuity, if one ignores the pesky details like “illegality” and “morality.” đ¤âď¸
The crypto world, ever the drama queen, watches with bated breath. A guilty verdict could turn Ethereum from a digital ledger into a cautionary tale. Decades in prison await the brothers-if the jury can agree on the plot twist. đ°ď¸
What Could Change in a Second Trial?
Jurors deliberated for three days, a marathon of confusion, before admitting defeat. Their questions about “good faith” suggest they might need a refresher course in ethics from a philosopher-preferably one who charges by the hour. đĄ
A public letter revealed that half the jury wept uncontrollably, while others counted sheep for weeks. One suspects the real crime here is the judicial systemâs inability to provide better snacks. đâ
The judge, still silent on a date, likely contemplates whether humanity can survive another month of sequestered jurors. A decision may arrive when the calendar feels like a thriller novel. đ
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2025-11-13 00:38